Depression or normal part of parenting?

[Waterlogged]

Hello,

For the last 2-3 months I’ve been increasingly fatigued with a low mood, can’t be bothered doing anything.

I have a toddler and work 5x/week from home. I know the toddler days are exhausting but the fatigue is in my bones. I wake up exhausted and count down to bedtime.

I love my son so much but I’ve lost interest in doing activities and I have no energy to run around after him. I’m so drained. I dread waking up each day because I’m so exhausted by the routine of parenting.

My son goes to nursery and we have family help in the week. But I no longer look forward to weekends because I find them so exhausting. I’ve lost my body confidence and have become quite self critical, especially as a mum.

My supportive and helpful partner feels tired too but not like this. It’s like I’m on a never-ending uphill treadmill and I can’t step off.

Up until a few months ago I was still meeting friends but now I can’t be bothered.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does it sound like depression or is it just what comes with parenting?

I often just want to disappear

Thank you

I found myself like this after my second, I had anxiety about the days where I had them both having to entertain them etc when I felt like I had nothing to give.
I found what helped my mood was trying to reconnect with a part of my old life so I got back in the gym before the kids wake up, it’s really improved how I’ve felt about myself and my energy. Not saying you need to go to the gym but make time for something you enjoy x

I can imagine a lot of mums will relate to this, OP. I certainly do. I don't think labels are too important here, What's more important is identifying what you need to make life feel a bit more enjoyable and help with the constant fatigue. I totally get that when you're running on empty, it's easiest to take the path of least resistance l, but often we know the things we need to do to improve our mood, even if they take a bit more effort on the face of it. And unfortunately life doesn't often just present us with things to magically improve our lives.

Things I've found helpful in the past are looking at the quality of my sleep - limiting caffeine, alcohol, sugar and screens later on the day.
Exercising regularly (helps me sleep better and feel better about myself) and finding time to do something for me once or twice a week. I also find meditation helps quiet the negative chatter in my head, which is exhausting, although I haven't been doing this for a while.
Write down some small goals/habits and trust the process - things won't change overnight but with consistency they will.

Thank you both for your helpful advice and understanding

How does your little one sleep?

I think it could be a touch of depression, I remember feeling like this and anti depressants really took the edge off but I agree with previous posters about doing something for yourself and long terms steps for your mental well being.

Have you had your iron checked? When I am low I have these exact same symptoms and I feel like I can't get off the sofa! Very blahhhh

Yeah the weekends are nothing but hard work. I'm exhausted too. And fat. But work, commute, chores, etc, takes it out of you. Not much left to actually enjoy.

@Chica1990 he sleeps 11 -12 hours overnight but that’s fairly recent. Up until July we were waking 3-4x a night. I think I’m still recovering from that.

@Adrinaxo I’ll be booking an appointment to have my levels checked, thank you

You should also get your B12 and Thyroid levels checked. Good luck

Definitely blood tests.

I'm sorry OP, it is hard being on a never ending treadmill at times.

Do you ever get time to yourself? Not working, or having to do something like shopping etc I mean just time to be at home on your own or do something for yourself like an exercise class? I like to take a walk & listen to an audio book for 20/30 mins which is an escape. What do you like to do?

Also get your vitamin D checked.

You sound burnt out. A few things besides getting your bloods checked, especially vitamin D:

Where can you build in a break for yourself? Can you take a day of AL and just rest. Your partner does the nursery runs.

Can you have a day during the weekend to rest for the next few weeks? Your partner isn’t as exhausted as not doing as much of the graft of parenting, so he plans a day out and off he goes for 8 hours and you rest.

Can you afford a weekend away? I go on at least 1, sometimes 2 holidays a year where I walk and swim and read books and re-charge. And have done since my eldest (now 12) was 1. Sometimes it’s 4-5 days, but sometimes it’s just 2. It’s wonderful.

Don’t get into a cycle of always having to do everything together and filling your weekends with more stuff to organise. Hoist some of it off on your partner. He can go visit his family with dc and he can plan days out to meet up with his friends and their dc and then you have regular downtime.

Also, do you drink? If so, cut it out. It’s very easy in these years to get in a cycle of looking to wine as a treat if you get through the day, and it completely depletes you, and then you need more wine the next night because the day was even more exhausting, and so it goes on. If you already don’t drink, that’s great.

Thanks for all these replies.

On weekends my partner will often take our son out for the afternoon. I usually spend that time bulk cooking, cleaning, or sometimes I’ll nap, but you’ve all inspired me to book a night away, just for me.

I have paused drinking alcohol because I recognise it adds to the problem.

It helps to know others understand so well.