Did you bond better - breastfeeding

[hoohaal]

For those who have bottle and breastfed their children -

Did you find that you bonded better with the child you breastfed?

I bottle fed my first. I didn’t truly bond with her for quite a long time.
I breastfed my second (only for 3 months), and I can’t even describe the bond I felt with her. I just felt we were one straight away and like she was completely mine. I was besotted. When I stopped breastfeeding, I still felt v close to her, but it wasn’t the same sheer obsession that I’d had with her when breastfeeding.

I wonder if the difference in bond was due to the breastfeeding or just coincidence. I did struggle with the shock of having a baby first time round, and realising that my old life was over. Perhaps this affected the bond?
My second, I did have that rush of love the minute I saw her, so the breastfeeding could have nothing to do with this.

Obviously I love them both exactly the same now.

Just wanted others thoughts on this if they breastfed with one and bottle fed with the other.

No, in fact the ones I ebf I ended up really resenting.

I think it’s normal to not feel that bond with your first baby but do with subsequent ones. Feeding in general can be a cuddle and bond.

No! I never breastfed baby 3 once, as I had to go straight back to work. She is the biggest mummy’s girl out of all 3!

Thanks @FuzzyWolf I’m due my third in December. For health reasons, it probably isn’t a great idea that I breastfeed but I’m really worried about the bond.

Thanks for your comment. That makes me feel a bit better!!

I wasn't able to breastfeed my first child (ds) but did feel immediately bonded to him when he was born, in fact I was shocked at how strong it was as it just wasn't something I had expected. With my second child (dd) I didn't really get that rush of love, which was strange as I was expecting it this time, it took more time for me to get to know her and that bond to develop. Breastfeeding worked this time and we are just starting to wean off it now at 16 months. They were very different experiences but I don't think the breastfeeding had much to do with the strength of my bond with either. I will say that my dh felt much more bonded to my son as he got to do half of all feeds and spend more time with him at night etc, and felt a bit on the sidelines while I was breastfeeding. I am glad I got to experience both ways tbh, and both have their pros and cons. Congratulations and best of luck in December!x

My bond didn't start to form with my ebf baby until we switched to formula at 10 months
I had a very love hate relationship with breastfeeding as for a long time I had no choice due to allergies and bottle aversions as well as her having feeding aversions to breastfeeding too. Having to breastfeed her felt like a punishment.

It took 18 months of therapy to develop a good bond during which time I learned that bonding is a multifaceted thing that doesn't just relate to your relationship between you and your baby but also the relationships you have had with your own care givers.

I bonded with mine just the same, one bottle fed and one breast. How can you hold them so close, look into their faces and feel their warmth, nourish them and keep them alive when they're so little and vulnerable, smell them and hear their little noises, and think it makes a difference where the milk comes from? I actually find it very offensive and self-serving to claim you bond more when you breast feed.
You were in a different head space, that's all. I'm glad you now love them the same!

I did bond more quickly with my bf dc, but not because of it.
My first dc was a result of a horrible labour, and was the child who stopped my life from being the same which I have found incredibly difficult to accept. I love them both the same now, but it came quicker with my second dc because it was less traumatic and my life had already been upturned. Also 2nd dc slept well even with being bf so that helped!

Nope. Exclusively breastfed both of mine for a year and a half each. Struggled to bond with my first and from the second she was born until about age 6, she was a daddy’s girl through and through.
Bonding was much easier with my second and has always been a mummy’s girl.

I think it depends totally on the child and not at all how you feed them.

I bottle fed dc1 and bf dc2 and dc3 (for 3+ years each). My bond is better with dc2 and dc3 than dc1although there are many other differences (and a big gap) between dc1 and dcs 2&3. But personally I do believe that bfing helps with stronger bonds, but no way to prove it either way so not much point trying to argue for it anyway.

I only have the one baby and he was/is breastfed. Tbh I didn't feel that rush of love and that I truly bonded with him until around the 4 month mark when he started sleeping slightly better. I was just in survival mode until then.

Honestly, yes I did, and it was mostly related to breastfeeding, but not in the way that people think.

My first was bottle fed and we had a great bond, but it was very equal with her dad, so we were very interchangeable I guess

Do when BF baby came along (and refused bottles from birth), my husband took on a greater proportion of care for the toddler so I could bf round the clock.

Then covid hit and we were both around for a long time. Bf baby turned into a very clingy bf toddler and continued to monopolise my time. Pre-schooler was fine with this, as she had daddy...

Then youngest got very ill, nearly died repeatedly and because she was closer to me, I basically loved at her bedside.

I have a good bond with my eldest and I love them both equally. They are both primary school age. But it's more intimate with my youngest. She sleeps in my room, I have to help her with personal care still. I'm the one there for every doctor's appointment, needle, operation. I'm very happy to be there obviously for those with my eldest (not really needed though), but frankly, she'd prefer.her dad.

It's not down to breastfeeding now, but it set off a chain reaction for us.

I breastfed both and bonded much faster with the second

Personally, for me and my babies it was the opposite.

BF was extremely painful and my supply was terrible no matter what I did, so they were never satisfied and fussed/cried a lot. I cried a lot too. I tried to persist with BF my oldest for weeks longer than I should have. It wrecked my mental health and if anything, hindered bonding. DC2 was solely on formula from 2 weeks old and that was absolutely the right choice for us, had zero signs of PND that time and felt bonded to him so much quicker.

Bottle feeding was lovely. They would hold eye contact the entire time, I just remember how softly their little eyelashes would flutter and how those tiny fingers would wrap around mine. They would usually fall asleep after, so content, and I would completely fail to put them into their bassinet and just stay looking at them the entire time they slept 😂🥰

Yeah, that was lovely.

I loved that my first wanted cuddles and craved my company for ME, because I was mummy, not because I was a walking buffet.

The way they can stare into your eyes as you bottle feed is amazing.

I did, but I think there were a lot of factors that contributed to this. First birth was extremely traumatic. I very nearly died and also nearly lost my baby (due to medical negligence). First baby was premature and very tiny. I was a first time mum and having experienced this trauma plus the stress of dealing with a mother in law who I knew hated me and all of a sudden was pretending we were best friends and wanting to come round and literally snatch my baby from my arms at the first opportunity also had an impact. Unsurprisingly after all this trauma breast feeding was a challenge and despite hours and hours of pumping milk to keep my supply while trying again and again to get him to feed and bf established didn’t work. Then, whenever I came into contact with a health visitor I was made to feel like a failure. I adore my first child but their behaviour is extremely challenging at the moment. 2nd child, birth was very straight forward, feeding established easily, and they are very well behaved. As much as I love them both to bits, there is definitely a stronger bond with the 2nd child.

My 7 mo has always been EBF, she's my only DC so I have nothing to compare it to. I did struggle with the "baby blues" massively the first couple of weeks and felt like I had made a huge mistake and like my life was over, I loved her but I the realisation that life as I knew it would never be the same again hit me really hard, I was also having a lot of BF issues that were causing me severe pain. So BF wasn't the beautiful journey I thought it would be at the beginning.

But on the other side of it, I love the contact we have when she is BF, how she reaches up and touches my face, how we can play little games while she's feeding like pretending I am nibbling her fingers and her smiling up at me, the eye contact, the contact naps. But tbf I imagine you can do all that with a bottle too. I do sometimes feel annoyed with her (guiltily and selfishly) because she majorly bottle refused and sometimes I do feel a bit trapped and resticted with BF and it means I have no life outside of it sometimes, but most of the time I love how much comfort it brings her and how close we get to be and I have no regrets, I intend to keep going until she's at least 1yo but probably longer

@Momstermash94 I found that once I got to 1, it sort of flipped and BF changed from the thing trapping me and being a huge cause of resentment and sleeplessness to an extremely useful and wonderful tool.

My DS is only just 12 months and people are asking me why I'm not weaning him and I tell them honestly that I've done the really gruelling hard work and now I'm just reaping the benefits I.e. instant snack on the go, instant calming and soothing, puts him down for naps when he's fighting them etc etc. The cuddles are super cute, at an age where they don't love a cuddle anymore otherwise.

I do admit that even though BF is hard at times I think that I personally find it so much more convenient and easier than bottle feeding. I don't have to worry about the washing and sterilising of bottles, I dont have to remember to pack them when we go out, in alot of ways I have so much more freedom because I don't feel tied to a bottle schedule or the need to have bottle facilities wherever we go. I can just BF as and when needed no matter where we are, if shes upset or bumps her head and cries I can calm her with the boob, I can feed her to sleep etc. But I do have moments of resentment like the fact in 7 mos I have never had a break from her for even an hour, no one can babysit as its me she needs to feed her, she regularly wakes every 2 hours in the night for a feed which is exhausting, I had a spa day booked that I now can't go on because I can't leave her for that long, my DH is going to a concert in November that I also really want to go to but I don't know yet if I can, if she's still as BF dependant as she is now I won't be able to. So it definitely has its ups and downs but I don't regret my choice to BF, I just wish sometimes I could have a break occasionally but for the overall convenience, the cuddles and the bond we share I think its worth it. I'm glad to hear you say that it does get easier! She's not a very cuddly baby so I relish in the cuddles now while she's still BF ❤️
I think I'll start to get alot of pressure from family to give up when she turns 1, but I dont think she will be ready to and I don't want to force her either, and I know I'll miss it when I stop

I wonder this OP. DD1 was BFed for a year, DD2 for about 6 months. I love them both equally, really. But I don’t feel I have the same visceral bond with DD2.

Much of it might well be circumstances, and just the busyness of having a second child. But I’m fairly sure that BFing (and linked - co-sleeping) has something to do with it.