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4 (nearly 5 year old) behaviour issues - HELP!

3 replies

Kdud1990 · 23/08/2025 21:12

I am really struggling with my youngest daughter . She has always been way more defiant than my eldest - knows what she wants and has always had tantrums, meltdowns etc when she was a toddler she used to head butt the floor when she couldn’t get her own way etc
her behaviour has since become worse . She finds it extremely difficult to regulate her emotions. When something goes wrong or not her way, she gets really angry. To the point where she will hurt adults around her , my self her dad and her sister . We are at the point now where we don’t know how to manage these outbursts. We try not give attention as I feel this is what she wants , but at the same time it’s hard not to when shes hurting you. Sometimes I can snap her out of it and she will calm down , other times it will just go on and on. Why does she get so angry? And how can I help her regulate this. It’s affecting all of us now. At school she shows none of this behaviour or at least not that they tell us. Is she masking it at school? Or is it that she doesn’t have the same routine at home?
I really need help. I have always thought that maybe has she got sensory needs- she doesn’t like certain textures. Labels on clothes. Everything itches her. She gets fixated on one outfit etc

any help is greatly appreciated

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
User1839474 · 24/08/2025 02:01

It sounds like she may have some traits of neurodiversity, could you afford an assessment with a sensory OT? They gave us so many tips for home and school for how to support our child. You could also refer yourself to the school nurse for support. They’re very good in our area.

AubreysMonkey · 24/08/2025 02:15

Have a chat with your school SENDCo, they will be used to children presenting differently at school. They may be able to refer you for a parenting course which will help you manage and understand her behaviour; they will also be able to advise if an autism assessment (I don't think you can refer for ADHD before 6, or that might just be our LA) is appropriate.

custodyconfusion · 24/08/2025 08:29

Sounds exactly the same as my 4 year old, huge meltdowns if things aren’t done exactly as she wants them to be. My DD was diagnosed with autism with a PDA profile, might be worth looking into PDA parenting/low demand parenting. Even if she’s not neurodivergent that style of parenting may really help

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