I'm finding it difficult to hold my baby

[StephOh]

My son is 3 months old on the 5th of September. When he was weighed at the beginning of August he was 5.8kg and his height was 61cm. I'm 5'3.

For the last 2 weeks or so, I have been struggling with holding him for too long. It doesn't matter if I'm sitting or standing with him. I have tried different baby carriers, but they make no difference. I had to stop breastfeeding and use a bottle because it's too difficult and painful to hold him for that long.

Burping him is difficult as he wiggles around too much and throws his body around in the process. I've tried different burping positions, but it's the same result.

Everything hurts! My knees are killing me and so is my back. I feel like my knees are going to collapse soon. Especially when I'm going up and down the stairs. I spoke with my doctor and he said it's to be expected, but to try and elevate my legs when I can't do and to take paracetamol for the pain. Paracetamol doesn't do much for me.

I have some friends who can help now and then, but not all the time.

When I push him in his stroller it's easier. I try to keep nappies, spare clothing and that I'm different rooms in the house, so I don't have to keep going up and down the stairs

I feel stupid and weak because I'm struggling to hold my baby.

Is there anything someone could recommend?

Why are you holding him so much?

Have you had your vit D levels checked? I had terrible pain in my joints after having DD1 and it turned out my vit D levels were in the toilet even though I was taking bf vitamins. I got a mega dose one from Holland and Barrett and it made a massive difference.

I would ask the gp to look into if there's a medical issue or arthritis, it doesn't sound typical at all. Lots of women carry baby's much older and heavier without pain, I'm still able to carry my 2 year old for about half an hour if needed, I get a bit of muscle pain at times but not bone pain

You need to be able to carry him for years to come yet, go to the doctors and ask for a blood test maybe your iron levels are wrong.

I felt half dead after my second baby was born, really weak. I had extremely low iron levels and was quite anaemic. I had an iron infusion and felt much better. It's worth checking. Also worth noting that you can be very iron deficient before you become anaemic (before your haemoglobin drops).

I don't think it's normal at all for your back and knees to be that painful! I had five sons and they were all big babies and I'm barely over 5 ft but I was fine carrying them at 3 months. I would go back to your GP or see another GP at the practice.

What is it that’s hurting? Babies wreck your body long after pregnancy, but you sound like you’re struggling more than most.

I still occasionally carry my 5yo for short distances, it’s something I really recommend you look at fixing if you can.

Because he's 3 months old? He's not going to walk up and down the stairs or from room to room by himself!

OP it's unnecessary to wind babies.

He is a very big baby, and you are very petite- and still recovering from pregnancy.

Have you been checked for deficiencies? You may need to resign yourself to carrying him less. He’s at a particularly wriggly age, he may settle a bit. Try feeding him on your bed or with him seated against you rather than on you. That may help.

I felt not as extreme but similar to this. I eventually found that your strength grows alongside your baby, so even though it feels like you won’t be able to hold a 6month old or 10month old or 18month old you can!

You do sound very extreme though. I echo the recommendation of asking for proper blood tests.

Agree you need to see your GP, have iron and vitamins checked, look at your diet, generally make sure you’re in a decent health. My toddler is a champion walker, he’ll do miles, but we’re staying somewhere on the second floor this week and I’ve had to hoof him up and down sooo many stairs when he’s tired and it’s not going to stop for some time. I’m knackered but I don’t really ache from doing it and I expect I’m older than you. You have to hold and carry them around because they need holding and carrying around, for years on end.

Firstly, you don't need to stop breastfeeding. You should be using a pillow or breastfeed lying on your side. You are not meant to hold his weight, none of us could breastfeed if we did that! I'm still breastfeeding a 1 year old and he's 11 kgs.

Secondly, I remember being shattered around 3 months because of a lot of rocking and contact naps etc but what you are describing is extreme. You need to see the GP again.

Not to be doom and gloom but you' be holding him A LOT. It actually gets worse when they can walk as they get tired and also you're following them around everywhere which is a killer in itself.

I don’t think this is to be expected at all. You should speak to your GP and likely get a blood test.

People carry toddlers around.

It's you not him. I would guess low iron levels or low vitamin d or both. Get yourself checked out and keep going back to the gp until you feel OK.

I can recommend post partum Pilates to build up your core strength and move onto some light weights when you can. My baby was a similar size but after a debilitating pregnancy when I was unable to walk after 30 weeks and a C-section I was very weak. I literally had to rebuild my body and my strength. You can do it, it just means taking good care of yourself and prioritising exercise. They only get bigger…

Any stiffness or swelling in your joints?
Agree it sounds like an issue with your health.

I would get checked out, and don’t be fobbed off. I had terrible bone pain from chemo but could still carry my 9 month old around in a sling for months walking the dog etc (it made me feel better) and at 3 I’ll still carry her sometimes, on my shoulders if I have to. This warrants looking into further. Good luck ❤️

Do you have a health condition or something that's making it difficult? Youve got months (years) ahead of you yet of carrying him and he's only going to get heavier. He's not all that big. Having a new baby is exhausting but it shouldn't be such a physical strain.

Start by getting your iron levels checked and then maybe to some exercises to increase your strength.
Have you tried a carrier? That might help with holding him in a more comfortable position.

He's really not that big, measurements put him around 16th percentile for weight and 30th for height at 3 months. Also 5ft 3 is only slightly smaller than an average woman, not 'very petite'.

You’re right, I misremembered her height, thought she was 5ft.
I over empathised because DS1 was 9lb at birth and DS2 10lb5. I felt as though I didn’t get to build strength as my babies grew, they arrived the size of 3 month olds and I couldn’t use a carrier for them.

@StephOh have you tried a sling? I think your baby is big enough for safe short uses.

I used a sarong tied across my body so the weight was distributed all across my back. I could wear the fabric sling all day and just tuck the baby in for going up the stairs or getting on the bus. You’d have to read up on safe usage.

There must be an underlying health issue at play here. I am the same height as you and my first baby was on the 99th centile until she was 2. I remember her putting on 1kg a week for the first 6 weeks of her life (she was breastfed!). I didn’t have any issues carrying her (in fact she wouldn’t be put down without screaming 🙄).
How was the birth? I think this warrants a trip to the GP to figure out what’s going on.

I felt absolutely awful by 3-4 months post partum. Similarly to others above, I went to the GP and had some blood tests and it turned out I had low iron and very low vit D even though I was taking breastfeeding multivitamins. I got some iron and high strength vitamin D from the supermarket and it made such a difference in just a couple of weeks. Magnesium is also good for energy levels and you can get that from a supermarket too.

It sounds like you might also need a more supportive feeding pillow too if you wanted to continue breastfeeding. I found having a few cushions behind me helped with posture and some firm ones at my side to bear the weight as they get bigger.

Definitely see a GP, babies are wonderful but they do a number on our bodies. Take care of yourself.

I don’t think this is normal either. I am smaller than you and never had this problem. You need to go back to the GP

There are two issues here. Firstly you need to get to the bottom of whatever is causing you to be in pain. If you don’t have an existing health condition this isn’t to be expected, irrespective of your babies weight, your size or the fact that it’s only been a few weeks. Don’t let them fob you off with it being ‘normal’, it isn’t.

Secondly you have to find ways to make things easier on yourself. Try not to hold or carry your baby so much. minimise the number of times you pick him up or put him down. Whenever possible ask your partner to help, for example handing him to you for feeding, carrying him upstairs, assisting more with feeding, winding etc. Have everything you are likely to need close to hand. Do whatever you have to do to ease your pain.
i have rheumatoid arthritis and had a big flare up a few weeks post partum. I kept a changing bag, mat, and anything else I might need, baby related or otherwise close to hand, and DS would nap in the carry cot part of his pram when downstairs. I used cushions under my arms to help support when holding him. When DH was around he would lift him to and from me, or feed, wind and change him. But the biggest thing I did was get medical help. The medication meant I had to stop breastfeeding but I couldn’t be that unwell and care for a baby, it wasn’t sustainable.
You must seek help too.