Toddler constantly interrupting eldest’s play

[Boppingalong]

I have a 4 year old and a an 18 month old, and am really struggling with how to keep them both happy and occupied.

If my eldest is building with duplo, blocks etc. her sister will come along and knock it over. She sets up a scene in her dollhouse - as soon as she can my youngest comes in and pulls everything out. If she takes toys to the dining table or is trying to do craft, my youngest climbs up her tripp trapp and on to the table!

If I sit at the table with youngest on my lap she will sit for a minute, then climbs up on the table again! Detests her high chair and I can barely get her to sit in it for mealtimes never mind to play. Of course I know my youngest is just trying to play but I feel sad for them both - my eldest is patient with her and very loving but understandably gets frustrated. The only solution I can think of is for eldest to play in her room with the door shut, but she has been clingy lately as she’s about to start school and it feels like punishing her when she isn’t doing anything wrong. Her play is already curtailed because we can’t have certain toys with small parts etc. so youngest doesn’t choke. I end up taking my youngest off to play but again it means my eldest can’t play with me. I have tried sitting youngest with her own age appropriate craft, own stack of blocks etc. but she is interested in whatever her sister is doing.

My youngest is far more high energy than I remember my eldest being and is very full on. She is a hundred miles an hour and in to absolutely everything! Her naps are unpredictable so she could sleep for 45 minutes or 2 hours. I try and spend most of this playing with my eldest but realistically this is the only time I have in the day to tidy up, prep dinner, sort the washing etc. without things being undone by the little one. I just feel a bit down because I wanted to make the most of the last couple of weeks before school starts and do lots of baking, crafts, playing with toys. But the reality is we set things up, I spend the whole time trying to keep my youngest away or occupied and eventually she gets to whatever it is and my eldest gets upset. I think the clinginess may be partly because she feels she doesn’t get much time with me alone (she doesn’t). In her final report from nursery she met all the learning outcomes except a couple relating to fine motor skills, holding a pencil correctly etc. so I really want to be able to do activities to build her hand strength before school starts so she doesn’t end up struggling. I do take them out most days at least to the park but again my youngest needs watching like a hawk and shadowing constantly so eldest doesn’t get much input from me then either :( she gets upset and has asked to keep her craft things in her room so youngest isn’t ruining them all the time.

I adore my youngest and my eldest but have found going from 1-2 children so so much harder than 0-1 child! I just feel like whatever I do one of them is always unhappy. I would love any advice on how other people deal with this, it isn’t something I hear many people talk about.

Sounds really tough. My eldest is the same age as your eldest and it’s rubbish feeling like I never really get that one on one time with him anymore. If I were you, I’d dial right back on any household expectations and let your standards slide just for the last couple of weeks and spend all nap times playing with your eldest. The house will be clean again but your little girl will never be so young again.

If the older one wants to play with duplo put her in the playpen out of reach. Alternatively put the toddler in with some toys so she can watch.

Realistically you need to be much firmer with your toddler. I know they are a bit of a high energy nightmare [especially second children it seems] but it doesn't sound like she is hearing "No" very often if she is climbing up to a table and destroying her sisters activities?

Suggestions?
Will you qualify for some free nursery hours at all?
Where is your husband/partner in this? Could you divide and conquer at the weekends or even in the evenings ? Any doting grandparents with the risk appetite to take on the toddler over the well behaved 4 yo?
There are other ways to spend time with her, bed time stories with a book appropriate to her age is a nice way to bond.
I'm not sure I'd sweat the motor control thing too much. If she is starting school able to toilet herself and take shoes/coat on and off you are already winning. So much of their activities will be based on improving these skills that she will get there quickly enough.
If you have a TripTrapp do you also have the harness that goes with it? If you do, use it. Toddler can do appropriate activities at the table with you. But you will be split, it's not possible to give undivided attention.
Mine are closer in age but I did find it helpful to make mornings about getting out and about as actively as possible. Home for stodgy lunch time food like spaghetti bol and if smallest isn't sleepy after that then a heavy blanket on the sofa along with a very quiet story could usually drive a snooze [more quickly for me though] and perhaps some downtime for everyone.
Lastly, TV can be your friend for a little bit. 30 mins of Sarah and Duck or something chilled will give you a short break without leaving the toddler wired.

As someone else said, put eldest in the playpen. Explain to her why and of course, tell her she can come out whenever she wants. Youngest can watch (and scream!) but not interfere.

Definitely a play pen - either one can go in depending on activity. Call it a den for the older one.

But keep the younger one occupied too. If your oldest is doing craft - then have the toddler in high chair/in your lap with crayons, stickers etc. (she will get used to the high chair if she has fun in it).
Building bricks - surely you have toddler friendly version
Dolls house - toddler friendly small world play etc

But also the firm use of the word No, and distraction.
And good use of toddler nap time

We have this issue. We have quite a lot of space though so we have a high table where the 4 year old's colouring, crafts and lego can go that the little one can't easily get to (tripp trapps are in a different room. We also have different areas in the downstairs where toys and books are kept, so DS2 can potter from one end of the house to the other and find things to play with. Our house is kind of a long downstairs with interconnected spaces, but it would also work if open plan - the older one's table is sort of in the middle so he's close to - but not in - the kitchen where we might be doing stuff. And the main areas with toys for the little one are right at the front and right at the back, leading out into the garden.

Our kids are in nursery during the week as we both work, but at the weekend we often take one each for at least part of the day so they get one on one time.

Do you have a partner or could you put the toddler into childcare a couple days a week?

I put a baby gate on my daughter's room and kept the small toys in there - she could go play in there and I could hop back and forth as I could see into the room as the door was still open.

Alternatively I'd put up a space to either put the toddler or put the older child - could reverse babyproof an area of the lounge that is just for the older one (one of those long baby gates with sections) or have a playpen for the younger one.

It's a rough stage - or it was for me anyway - but we split up the kids on the weekends, or took advantage of naptime or just got the kids used to solo playing. That's an important skill to encourage as well. It drove my daughter crazy to have her stuff destroyed so we just did everything we could to protect it, including just accepting a slightly upset toddler at times.

Remove other chairs from around the table and dont let the 18month old move them. You are going to have to gut your way through a bit of no-ing with the resulting fallout (tantrums and screaming) but stick to your guns and the 18month old will soon learn that they dont get to play at the dining room table as it is just for big girls now.

Mines the same. Playpen <hollow laugh> I don’t know who these people are who have toddlers who wouldn’t scream their heads off when put in one. Let them scream say MN. Sure, and how much quality time can you have with a four year old with a toddler roaring her head off in the background?

It is tough. Mine are actually beginning to play together (dc2 has recently turned two) but there’s still a lot of trying to take toys from the eldest. I also feel like I ignore him as she obviously needs help and supervision at the park and soft play. So no real advice but solidarity.

Haha we tried putting our (then) baby into the playpen and his older brother kept trying to get in it as well.