Confused wether I want another child or it’s just temporary feelings

[Kiwi98]

I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship but been with my partner a few years now. I was very much one a done until she started school last year, I was shocked that It made me feel like I really wanted another. I felt like time had gone so quickly I wasn’t ready to let go of the earlier child stage.
I spoke with my partner and he didn’t have any desire to have a child. He treats my daughter as his own and we have quite a lot of freedom, as my daughter goes to her dads 3 nights every week. So we are used to a nice family life and quality couple time balance.
I am no contact with my parents and have been for some years, my only family are my grandparents so I dont have a village so to speak and my partner has a small family that are quite busy with their own children, so we wouldnt have much support.

Its been a year since my inital feelings and they have subsided a lot but I have mixed feelings still. Some days I’m so busy and tired I couldn’t think of anything worse and glad I never did have another child. And other days I see pregnancy announcements and get a bit jealous, or see people with little children and think it would be nice. But I’m not sure if the reality would be as nice as I think. I’m already easily overstimulated, tired from multiple chronic llness’s and struggling with my daughters behaviour (not listening and attitude 😒). I just dont want to regret it later but in the flip side have another one and wonder what on earth i’d done.

Sorry for the long thread! I suppose I’m just seeking advice as I dont have anyone else to speak to about this.

From what you've said, I wouldn't. If you're tired now you'll be exhausted with raising what will effectively be two only children due to the large age gap. They won't have interests in common and it will be hard to juggle the clubs your older child wants to do or meals out as a family with a toddler needing to go to bed. For me both parents need to actively know they want a child, not one who thinks they don't and one who doesn't know.

I genuinely wouldn't in your circumstances. I think you are grieving a former time, not yearning for another child.

What age are you? Are you married?? Do you have to make a decision soon?

The fact you have chronic illnesses already plus he doesn’t. want a child would make me think it’s not a good idea.

Having watched someone I know struggle with what they thought would be an easy but unexpected second child when he’s heavily disabled and shes had to give up work and is permanently exhausted has no life and will have to look after him for her whole life (and then what) as he is completely incontinent and doesnt know his own name so will always need care etc …. put me right off the thought…

I think this feeling is what our body and mind does, it's a natural thing. I had it even though I knew another wasn't in any way practical. It's usual to be wistful about them growing up ,no matter how many you have. It sounds like you've got a set up that works for you all.

I wouldn't in your situation
Im a couple of years older than a lot of my friends. They are all now mid thirties having their second and third babies. I sometimes look and think nawww I miss those days. I always have a cuddle if offered. My youngest starts school next month and some days during this holiday I kept thinking this is it the early years are over and I have children now. However I had my tubes removed (as a cancer preventative surgery) 3 years ago because I knew that I would have wobbly moments so asked to be done sooner rather than later. I know I am 100% done, in fact we were meant to be one and done but I wobbled during shielding in covid hence the second. I think sometimes nature likes us to keep thinking we need to keep breeding.

You sound similar to me. My husband isn't bothered so I'm not putting myself through having another child if he's not arsed and I'm not really either!