My toddlers obsession seems very extreme, looking for advice

[Afternoonteaforme1]

Hi, I’m wondering if this is neurotypical, our 2.5 year old is obsessed with the same outfit, she’s been like this for weeks now, won’t take it off for bed or when at nursery, we’ve had to take it off to bath her and then obviously to wash it but every time she tantrums for about 40 mins until she’s almost sick, I have tried everything and I’m at our wits end, my first never did this so I’m unsure if this is typical behaviour, she can talk and plays well but I have no idea how to manage this, thank you

My son was like that for a while - it had to be a particular pair of pyjamas and a particular outfit in the day. He grew out of it.

I don’t know if it’s neurotypical because I have three autistic children and none of mine have done that.

Is your child at nursery or under a health visitor? You could speak with them about your concerns.

Mine was the same. My advice to @Afternoonteaforme1 and anyone else in the same situation would be to buy another identical outfit and avoid the scenes. The child will find a new obsession soon enough and it is not worth turning your house into a zoo over a small issue like this.

I would take her out to a splash park or paddling pool, let her paddle in the outfit and get it absolutely soaked.

Then "Oh dear, it's all wet. Would you like some nice dry clothes to go home in and we'll wash and dry these ones at home?"

I've had some success getting my DC to try on some new shoes which were rejected using this method.

I think at 2.5 yrs old there's no real way of knowing if this is a classic toddler phase or if it's a sign of neurodivergence. Ultimately, I'd probably try and buy a replica to save the drama, keep supporting them through the tantrums and setting your boundaries they way you have been (like It has to be washed and You have to bath), to keep things hygienic. If in the future you see things like stimming, repetitive play, missing eye contact, communication challenges, dislike of change to routine etc, speak to your health visitor or GP or nursery. My son never had a favourite outfit as a toddler but is ND, my NT little girl had a few favourite outfits or clothes she favours but not to the extent you're describing. I don't think anyone here will be able to tell you for sure, because there are absolutely loads of ND traits, and because 2.5 yr olds are often very challenging and often have some very interesting phases that pass by never to return - could be either! I'd just go with it for now and see I'd you can find an identical or similar enough version to swap it out with....

Thank you everyone for your advice, the only other thing she has started doing is flapping her hands when she’s angry or excited or waiting to use a toy her sister is playing with, thanks for all your support

This is why many don’t like to assess young children for autism because that’s also very normal for excited toddlers to do.

I’d just keep a diary of your concerns in case you need it in the future.

I also wouldn’t deliberately get the outfit wet as advised above because if you child is autistic, that will massively backfire and cause a lot of unnecessary stress.

My oldest was like this with a pair of pyjamas. She outgrew it. Could you buy more of the same outfit to make life easier.

My son was like this. Wore the same spiderman pjs for months and then his spiderman outfit every day. Would cry and scream when it was in the wash. It was just a phase and passed after a couple of month.

DC2 was like this. DC1 wasn’t. DC2 was diagnosed with dyslexia, autism and ADHD as a young adult.

i think it is probably quite normal for toddlers to have obsessions but your DC’s obsession does sound intense with the tantrum. All you can do at this stage is watch and wait.