Too young for clubs and activities?

[El91]

Hi, just looking for some advice on sending kids to clubs and activities etc.
A bit of backstory first, my little girl turned 3 in April, she’s such a confident child, will chat to anyone and makes friends anywhere she goes. I’ve felt so guilty all summer as I haven’t really done much with her, I also have an 15 month old and find it so difficult to take them both places on my own and trying to do things around his nap etc.
I don’t have any friends with kids and there’s no young kids in the family so she doesn’t have much interaction with other kids which I think she craves.
Anyway, I signed her up for a summer scheme this week thinking she would love it but it’s been a disaster. The first couple of days she cried going in but was fine once she got in. But she cried every morning saying she didn’t want to go. Her dad had to drop her off today as I was working and she had a complete meltdown going in. He left her thinking she would settle but they rang me saying she was throwing herself to the ground and hitting them out of frustration, so he had to go back and get her.
Like I said she’s such a confident and outgoing child so I thought she would’ve loved going. I have also signed her up for gymnastics and GB starting in September and now I’m stressing that she won’t go.
I know she is still very young so maybe I should wait another year before sending to her to things?
She starts nursery in September has been excited about it all summer but now she has started to ask if i can stay with her. I’m worried that I’ve traumatised her by sending her to the summer scheme when she didn’t want to go 😭
What she did everyone else send their kids to clubs etc.? Should I maybe hold off on the gymnastics and GB until next year?

Lots of people I know tried in the summer after reception year at school, including me with my oldest and it was too early for most of the kids.

I'm surprised a summer scheme have places for 3 year olds. It's very different to a nursery setting and they are usually aimed at school aged children. If it's the first time she's been away from either of you then i'm not surprised she's struggling.

You say you feel guilty that she hasn't done much, but she's only just turned 3. Spending the day at home playing with you and her toys, or a trip to the park is absolutely fine.

If you don't need to club for childcare then I would stop sending her.

I think 3 is too young for clubs where you drop them off. The difference with nursery is that they become familiar with the environment and staff and other kids so hopefully enjoy it once settled in. I pretty much rely on nursery for DD to have social interactions.

Sorry duplicate post - deleted

She’s too young, I no it’s not easy taking them out together, but that’s what you need to do! Itl get easier as they age

I think a three year old would much rather spend time with their mum. They don’t really play with other children at that age anyway, more play alongside or play apart.

Gosh I agree with previous posters who said they are surprised a scheme would take a 3 year old, most round here won't even take reception aged children and are from yr1 onwards.

It sounds like completely the wrong sort of place to try and leave her for the first time and not at all comparable to nursery where they settle in slowly, have familiar routines and are with similar aged peers.

My DD is almost 4 and has been going to gymnastics by herself since she was 3 and swimming from 3.5. I took her to the parent and baby classes before she started the ones on her own though, I think that makes the transition of going on their own so much easier.

I don't know what GB is, but I reckon gymnastics will be very different to camp. Presumably it is about 1 hour? Mine both love gymnastics but DD didn't enjoy the gymnastics camp at her club.

Doing gymnastics at that age, I would always be there during the class, as would the other parents. 3 is so young. There's plenty of times for other activities. Just enjoy time at home, at the park, simple outings. It goes fast enough.

Mine mainly started with activities that I was present for. (I am very proud of the fact that I didn’t let ds’s birth interrupt my Baby Ballet attendance and I joined in with “good toes, naughty toes” at 9 months pregnant and then again at 3 days postpartum. 😂)

Then when they moved up to the “parents get to sit in the coffee shop” classes they already knew the place, the teacher and the rough expectations.

We have loads of schemes round here that take 3YOs. I’m surprised that people are surprised at that! Both of my kids were happy to go to them from 3 but that was because they were already at nursery so used to the separation at drop off, organised activities and being in large groups of other kids AND we also always coordinated with friends so they’d have at least 1 buddy their age that they were excited to see. Holiday camp as the first time you’ve left her, where she knows no one and isn’t used to the format is inevitably going to be a disaster.

Personally I’d always do a trial before signing up to a term of any activity, even with older kids, because even without any drop off dramas sometimes they just don’t enjoy things. Sounds like it’s a bit late for that now but I’d just hope that she likes it and be prepared to lose the money if she doesn’t.

Have a look for mother and baby/toddler classes, we have a few locally which are for kids under 5 so you could take both of yours. I think they're great for letting kids interact and build confidence in social situations while they still have the comfort of mum being around.
Will also be a great way for you yo make friends with other mums

Once she’s started nursery she’ll probably be fine to attend a short parent-free activity like gymnastics or swimming. Holiday clubs are not the right environment for a 3 year old who isn’t used to being in a setting. They usually don’t follow ofsted ratios and the staff are often very inexperienced students working summer jobs.

Scouts has a group called squirels for 2 - 5 yr olds but parents stay im surprised there are groups that take them alone that young (other than childcare which has a settling in period).

I was a bit surprised to see you said you don’t have any friends with children? The only thing that’s got me through having kids (I have 3 under 5) is the other mum friends I’ve made and all being able to moan about things together while our children play at the park/ someone’s garden etc.

if I were you I’d definitely branch out and look to make some friends even if it’s only one or two

Squirrels is 4-5yo, not 2.

While some 3yos will be fine at drop off activities, not all will be. Its age appropriate for both scenarios.

You might want to check how tired she is from nursery for additional clubs or classes. My eldest was in year 2 before she was ready for school / nursery plus anything else (except for swimming).

There’s a kid in my child’s reception class who does loads of clubs and is always in a foul mood and losing their shit. Because they’re clearly exhausted.

Mine wouldn't have been ready for that at 3. I think it's different with nurseries and preschools that have lots of experience with settling new starters. Clubs often won't be so good at this.

I don't think she is intrinsically too young - around here there are a few holiday clubs for 3 year olds and up. One of mine attended at 3 and was fine.

But they are designed for 3 year olds who are already in school nursery, not 3 year olds who have never been away from a parent.

I think it was too much for a 3 year old who hadn't been away from you before - it's different to a nursery which will have processes for settling in and lots of experience with it

My 3 yr old DS has been at nursery for 2 years, he loves it and goes to rugby tots at a weekend which is parent participation and does a private swimming lesson where I am sat watching a few steps from where he’s swimming. No chance he’d settle at a drop and leave club, I was thinking once he started school would be more appropriate for that. I would just do plenty to reassure her that nursery will be fine. Do you get chance to do settle sessions as that should help her settle in? I wouldn’t try and do anymore activities until she’s used to that

I think 3 is really very young for a drop & go club. At that age it’s definitely more clubs/activities where you go and stay.

Depends on the child. My son is about to turn 4 and has never been to any club or activity at all, just nursery and, before that, playgroups. Friends of his the same age have been dropped off without parents to various things since the age of 3.

I doubt we’ll start him in anything organised until he’s about 5.

Has she ever been anywhere without you e.g. nursery, child minder? You say she's starting nursery after the summer so is that a school nursery class (rather than she's been in "day care" type nursery since being a baby)? If so, I think a summer play scheme is probably too much too soon. They can be frantic and not that well organised and you're throwing her straight into something where she's left on her own all day. At least gymnastics and similar clubs tend to be smaller groups and can be calmer and give you the option to stay, or stay nearby at first. Most childcare provision for kids that young would have "breaking in" familiarisation sessions before they get left for longer periods on their own.

I too am surprised that a holiday club (which isn't attached to a day nursery) takes from 3. Most are 5+ for insurance and ofsted reasons.

I would say at just 3 your DD is too young for a general holiday club rather than a day nursery holiday session. A general holiday club is a very different environment - usually lots of kids between 5 and 11, they are run on bigger ratios so could be 2 or 3 staff to 20+ kids. A lot of the staff are younger - older teens home from uni/ off from college/ childcare students. I worked at a summer holiday club for a few summers from 17 to when I left University. Depending on the staffing and activities and who is in charge they can be chaotic at times and noisy environments it also depends on the temperament of the children attending.

A holiday club attached to a day nursery is a different experience. The ones that do holiday clubs upto 11 usually split into under 5 provision and over 5 provision. Staff ratios are in line with ages so the under 5 provision will have staffing more like a school nursery, there will be routines more like a school or day nursery. It is very different going to a holiday club where everyone is around your size and age and activities are geared to your age range to one where everyone is all different ages and sizes and activities are aimed around age 8 and you get lost in the crowd/ noise.

If you are using for child care I would look at day nursery holiday club provision rather than general holiday club.

In terms of drop and leave activities - my 4yr old DD is happy for this at familiar clubs so ballet (she's gone from been a toddler in the parent and child class so knows most of the kids and teacher), swimming - we sit on the side of the pool so she can see us, rainbows - age 4-6 and knows most of the girls as she goes to school with them. She did not like been left at gymnastics - never been before and didn't know any of the children also noisy hall space.