MIL disrespecting boundaries.

[E1994G]

Hi ☺️

I have lived with my in laws for almost 10 years now (insane I know) it has worked for the whole family for quite some time as they took on 3 of their grandchildren and needed our help financially and so we agreed to stay. Those children are now older, 18, 14 and 11.

When me and my husband decided to have our son who is now 16 months old, we decided to stay living with my in laws but purchase a flat which we rent out. We did this because we want to save for our forever home which we plan to buy when our son starts primary school when he is 4. We will continue to live with my in laws for those 4 years.

My mother in law has recently started getting herself in a mood if me, my husband and our baby go on days out during the weekend as we don’t take our 11 year old niece with us (she is one of the children my in laws look after). I do not want to do this as i want to spend the 2 days a week I get off work with my husband and our child. Me and my husband both work 5 days.

she also had a problem with me and my husband buying our son his first pair of shoes, stating “I wanted to do it and you ruined it”.

There have been situations where I am feeding my son and he has a tantrum because he’s tired and/or something else is wrong. My mother in law will come over and give him chocolate in front of me without even asking. I do not want to fix every tantrum he has with sugary food.

My son hit his head recently as he started walking properly around 2 weeks ago and is very wobbly. He really hurt himself so i picked him up to comfort him, she obviously had an issue with this and said its best to distract and took him out of my arms.

Now I know it was my choice to stay living with her but I never imagined she would be this bad.

Anyone have any advice at all on how I can deal with his behaviour without moving out? I don’t want to put a wedge between my husband and his family.

Thanks ☺️

You really only have 2 options

Confront her yourself with the examples and say that she's overstepped and that this needs to stop. And that you won't be including neice in your days off. And You need to tell your husband to rein her in.

You need to move.

If you won't do them then you suck it up and accept its a you problem

When she goes to give him chocolate, you say “no Maureen he’s not having chocolate”. When she goes to take him from you, again you say no and you don’t let her.
I don’t understand why you’ve bought a flat if you want to move?

You need to move out. That’s the only answer.

If you want to stay living there then pulling her up on it, clearly and calmly, every time she does something is the only way really.

But it's probably much easier and will result in more harmonious relations if you just move out.

Your dh needs to tell her to stop. If it won’t stop you need to move out. She is use to parenting her dgc sounds like she expects to be a parent to yours too.

Put up or shut up. Either you accept that you’re living under her roof and she gets a say, or you stand on your own two feet and move out. You can’t have it all ways.