We have been together for 23 years, I met him at 17 years of age. We are currently going through a rough patch at the moment. I have gone out and rented a 2 bedroom house for me and my son.
I don’t actually want to move out as I will miss my partner. However I can no longer live like this.
Our son is 13 he doesn’t contribute to buying him anything obviously for the things what’s needed for him.
Here’s an exact picture of my current life. Obviously I go to work some nights I’m working until 9pm on my laptop , I come home and have to do all the cooking, cleaning, looking after our autistic son, iron school uniform and has to maintain the garden and sort the dog.
The house we live in, is his mortgage. He won’t allow me to put my name on the mortgage?
He pays all his bills and mortgage and will often ask me for gas and electric. Although I have little bills like the internet in my name which is over £100.
I have a well paid job so we are lucky in that sense. Although the house isn’t mine. I spent £10k on a beautiful bathroom. I pay for his clothes he’s like a spoiled child. Whatever he wants clothes or gold jewellery then I will buy it. I brought him Rolex watch and all sorts. When we go out for dinner, cinema or bowling ( things as a family) I’m left to pay for it all.
We go on holiday abroad at least 3 times a year, and we will also have a uk holiday at the sea side. Again I’m left to pay for all of these. Within the holidays I pay for all brand new clothes and trainers for us all. I don’t think he’s brought socks and boxers for years. I pay for the holiday spending money, don’t get me wrong he will bring about £300 euros but that doesn’t cover a 19 day holiday.
My son goes to the gym and football. I pay for those. Sometime I’m that burnt out I will ask my partner to take him gym and just supervise due to his age. I will also ask him to watch him at football and he tells me no. This then leads to my son missing out or I’ll end up going although my day could have been busy at work ect.
This behaviour has been going on for the the past 15 years and I have had enough.
Like I mentioned above, I have got a private rented property. I feel guilty taking things out the house, so I decided to leave it with my partner. Because I want my son to come home to his dad and things to be the same. I have told my partner that he can stay at my house a couple of nights but he said no, he doesn’t want to know anything or we’re the house is. It’s cost me lots of money the past 2 weeks as I’ve been using handy men to build the new wardrobes ect.
I have literally brought everything again for a house,’you name it i have brought it. The only thing im taking is my coffee table and sofa. I have a £6k sofa and don’t really want to leave it. Although I feel bad taking it ( I paid for it all )
Another reason why I’m annoyed with him.
The house we’re we live is beautiful inside. We just need a new kitchen and a couple of jobs doing, it’s that bad that my mum has to make meals most of the time for my son. We can cook the odd thing in there, but it’s all dusty, holes through the roof. The kitchen looks abandoned. I feel he’s waiting for me to pull my money out, however my mums told me not to pay for it especially when my names not on the mortgage ect.
As the kitchen is basically derelict it puts a lot of dust all downstairs.
Another reason why I’m annoyed he’s not even contributed anything to this new house. For example he’s not offered to buy a bed for his son ect. When I challenged him about this, his excuse was “ well I’m going to rip the house out and start again”.
HOLD on this is a man who’s never got any money hence why I pay for everything , he owns a good business. I have basically gave him a year to fix the house up without my money. He’s got a year to make me feel more appreciated.
Another thing what’s annoying to me, his mum lives 3 doors down. He didn’t even offer to go and stay at his mum’s house. Bear in mind she has 2 spare bedroom. He’s basically made me to move out and buy everything all over again.
There’s been 3-4 times where the balifts have came to the house demanding £3,000 - £4,000 these debts are where he’s not paid the council tax or water ect. This mug here ends up paying the debt with one payment.
I got this property of my own as I can no longer live like this. I’m still in a relationship with him, I just can’t live with him. I want to feel appreciated and I don’t think it’s right that I have to fund everything.
I’m currently with a private counsellor i only started last week and have an appointment this week. I have the counsellor because of what’s happening in my life with moving home ect and I need someone to speak to.
I even won £19k on the lottery a couple of years ago, I was so pleased that I could get a kitchen. However he made me spend the money on new fences for outside! I was trying to explain that outside of the house isn’t a priority right now. Although I was made to buy the things he wanted and plus a holiday abroad. When speaking to him about this, he always has an excuse. It’s like having two kids.
Like I said he’s been given a year to do the house.
What are your honest thoughts on this. The counsellor can’t advise me what to do but her face and body language tells all.
Mum and family think he’s taking me for a mug and was unaware of us living like this until I broke down to my mum about 3 weeks ago. My Family are fuming that he’s treating me like this.
Now when I speak to HIS mum about these things, she clearly sticks up for her son and will tell me that the house is mine as well? If the house was to sell, I wouldn’t be entitled to a penny! I’m sick of putting my hard earned money into someone else’s house.
I go out with friends, when I return home he accuses me of cheating and speaking to other people. The day I’m going out he will be moody so that I stay in. I’ve started to ignore this and still do my thing. I can cope with him telling me how to live my life. I’m not happy and I have told him. He just always says that he loves me and our son and that I have taken his family from him.. I have explained nothing with change about seeing each other, I have offered him to stay at mine and he said no! He wants me to have nights at his house.
I suffer bad with ocd, the counsellor believes he’s “caused” me to have ocd by the way he treats me. Her exact words he’s manipulative and she continued to explain why he’s caused my ocd. It all makes sense! I explained that I didn’t have ocd when I met him. The counsellor asked when my ocd came, I explained that it came about a year after being together. Again, she can advise me or tell me things, but her body language and face gives it away.
There’s a craze at the minute with these little teddy bears what most kids are wanting. Brought one for my son as he asked me for one. Dad came home and told me to get that out his house as it’s an evil toy! Friends and family, I’ve done their research and nothing is wrong with the teddy bears. I’m now paranoid to have this in my house, I can’t even look at the teddy’s ect.. it’s triggered my ocd! What are your thoughts please?