first day at school - why do i feel like crying

[jinna]

my son has just started school today - he is o.k. but i feel like crying and i miss him - i thought i would be grateful of the time because i have a 7month aswell but infact i am far from it - is this normal!!!
only 2 hours to go and i can pick him up - thank God

[sis]

so how did it go Jinna? I felt a bit unreal for the first few days when ds started nursery - and I work full time! Did your ds enjoy himself?

[janh]

Hi, jinna - it's perfectly normal - first child's first day at school is a big big step for everybody. The baby probably misses him too. It does get easier!

Hometime can be stressful for a while too and he might not tell you anything, but eventually it's a great time, when you're all glad to see each other and he'll have lots of news for you.

[SoupDragon]

I cried when we went to a school summer fete at a school we were considering for DS1 and he doesn't start til September!!

DS2 started nursery today and I felt a tear or 2 in my eyes. It wasn't helped when he refused to give me a hug goodbye and screamed and refused to come home.

It's a very big step when your Precious Firstborn is grown up enough for school. I wonderif anyone ever really thinks their little baby is big enough for school. I'm pleased to hear from Janh that it gets easier You will come to enjoy your time with your baby and you'll enojoy hearing all about the exciting things your DS has done at school.

Did he enjoy it?

[jinna]

he seems to have really enjoyed it - and that made it a lot easier- but when i asked what he had done - usual response nothing!!!
yes - the baby did miss him - he was just so excited when his brother came home

[Claireandrich]

I haven't got to that stage yet as DD is only 9 months but I know what you mean. DD started nursery when she was 20 weeks so that I could go back to work P/T. The first few days after dropping her off I creid for the rest of the journey to work - it felt horrid. Thing is, she loved it and still does.

Glad he had a good day and I am sure it will get easier soon.

[tallulah]

I'm new to this site. You'll probably laugh but when my 2nd child (of 4) started secondary school I sat in the car & howled! (son was fine, didn't look back & had a great day).

[SoupDragon]

Tallulah, DHs mother cried when they dropped him off on his first day at university!! I guess it's something mothers don't grow out of

Jinna, glad he enjoyed it. They just don't realise how hard these things are for poor old mum.

[janh]

Soupdragon, I sniffled dropping DD1 off at uni the first time! (DD2 absolutely howled.)

I haven't got upset yet about anybody going to secondary school, Talullah, but when my baby leaves primary school (July 04 - I will have been a primary school parent by then for 18 years!) I probably will - end of an era...

[grommit]

dd just started daycare nursery - I have cried every morning dropping her off - esp as she does not want me to leave. I am feeling very guilty as if I have abandoned her in a room full of strangers...even considered giving up my much loved job to stay at home...emotional overreaction I am sure... sniff

[CAM]

Cor Batters, doesn't time go fast, I can't believe your dd has started school today - when we first "talked" on mumsnet she was a little toddler! Bet she'll be alright though, it's far worse for us mums, isn't it!

[Copper]

Jinna
someone once posted a really good tip here on how to get a better response than 'nothing'. Instead of asking what did he do, ask him what was his favourite bit of school, and what was the worst bit. I've started doing this, and my boys come out with all kinds of things now.

[ScummyMummy]

Glad to hear all was well, Batters.

[WideWebWitch]

All of you with children just starting, hope you feel better today. I bawled on ds' first day at school too, but blimey, didn't think I could expect to feel the same once he/if goes to uni. It sounds like I will though...

[tigermoth]

can I echo www's message - good luck to all those with children starting nursery or school - or uni. Starting or leaving school is such an emotional time.

Batters, your dd'd nursery teachers sound the best - crying to see the children leave. How lovely.

Janh, I will clock up 13 years of being a primary school parent. When my ds2 leaves, it really will feel like the end of an era, especially if he stays at the same school as his older brother.

[jinna]

everything had been going well - however last night out of the blue my son started crying - he told me he didn't like the school dinners and they made him rush - i talked to the teacher and i went to see him at lunch time- he seemed better
however i think he is not telling me his true feelings - i walked past the school at play time - yes i admit i wanted to see if he was ok- anyway i noticed that he was walking around on his own - or he would walk with the teacher - i felt so awful as he looked so sad - i had no idea becuase he always tells me he had a good time and that he played with so and so. i came home and i felt like crying again
he used to be shy at nursery but once he made some friends he was ok - i hope he is the same with school - the only troble is that there are alot more children and the seem to know each other from their nursery - which he did not attend
any ideas to help him make friends would be great

[jinna]

thanks for the advice - i've invited twin boys who are in his class - they live very close and they've agreed to come next friday - this is going to sound crazy but how does it work when kids are invited over - do i make tea , etc
how long should they stay?

[WideWebWitch]

Oh jinna, I feel for you, it must have been awful walking past and seeing this. Good advice from batters about inviting friends back for tea to help him make friends, totally agree. Ds didn't know anyone either as he didn't go to the school playgroup but he seems fine now, 4 months on. I asked lots of people to tea too and I'm sure it helped. It also helped that his birthday was quite soon after starting and I invited the whole class since he didn't know any of them. That was an icebreaker but I'm not sure I'd recommend it - 36 kids is a big party!

Anyway, the way the whole tea business works with us is that I ask the parent if their child would like to come to tea, we arrange a day and then I pick up the child along with ds on that day and take him home. I have asked parents if they want to come (since they don't know me) but they never do! Except one woman who I thought I'd get on with and so I specifically invited her too. Usually we swap phone numbers and agree on a time the parent will come to collect their child, normally 6 - 6.30 for us. And yes, I always give the children tea. The invitation is always reciprocated too, the other mums seem to be very good about that. Anyway, good luck, I'm sure your ds will make friends and this will help. If you are still concerned in a couple of weeks it might be an idea to have a word with his teacher and ask how she feels he's getting on and making friends etc.

[jinna]

thanks again for the advice - i must admit i've been feeling awful when i saw my son - he was crying again tonight - and he said he didn't want to stay for school dinners - i've decided he can come home but i said he has to try to talk more to the other children - have i done the right thing - i hope so

[janh]

jinna, I've done this too - sometimes they've been looking sad and lonely and sometimes they've been in the middle of a big bunch - don't go by just one visit, and him crying after school, you could go another time and see him playing happily. Try not to get unhappy about him being unhappy because he will pick up on that (I know it's hard!)

It is a big step for them, going to school all day, it is a long long day and "little" things like not having enough time to eat their dinner and not finding someone who will play sometimes loom very large. The rest of the day is probably fine. He will be very tired at hometime until he gets used to it and more tearful because of that too.

Have you invited the twins for tea, or just to play? If you've left your options open I would say just a short play date - an hour or so - would be easier for you and DS to cope with at this stage. If you have invited them for tea then make it early (pizza or something) and arrange with their mum that you'll drop them home when you feel they've all had enough (unless she wants a specific amount of time to go somewhere?). If they want to watch a video rather than actually playing, let them - when they're older I tend to say they should play, since they've got someone to play with, but when they are little and tired it's quite restful for them!

[ScummyMummy]

Jinna, I think you will be very popular with the twins' mother whatever you do. I would be delighted to have both mine round at someone's house for a while whether they were fed and watered or not! I do hope things improve for your little boy and I'm sure it's just teething problems as he settles in to this new experience. I remember feeling a little lost at first (and also falling asleep in the reading corner at 2.30 every afternoon for weeks and weeks!) but I eventually really enjoyed primary school on the whole, even though I was a bit of a solitary child in some ways.