Getting rid out outside help (please help)

[MrsSnape]

Last year I took my youngest son to the doctor because his behaviour was getting out of control, both at home and at school. After explaining everything he referred us to a "family support" thing within the mental health team. It took months for them to actually see us and when they did they were useless. Didn't turn up at apointments, went over stuff with me that was just basic common sense (send him to bed at the same time each night) etc and basically it was all just a waste of time. In the meantime DS was still acting up at home and at school.

The final straw came when they made an apointment, I waited in all day for them and they didn't show up. I then thought "ok, that's the end of it, I'll deal with it myself" and I did for the next few months until all of a sudden they got back in touch and said the person I was working with was on long term sick and they were so busy that the only thing they could suggest was for me to wait a few months for their help or they could contact the family support student group at the uni who were looking for placements.

I didn't care either way at this point so said he could contact them.

Anyway the lad that came (nice as he is) is a student social worker, he comes with a supervisor who is a registered social worker. Everytime I speak to them I feel like I am under investigation. The first time the supervisor pinned all the problems on DS's relationship with his dad and was more or less asking why I force him to go when he doesn't want to. I felt like we had been referred to social workers because of bad treatment or something.

The student came by himself yesterday to meet DS and was looking at the xbox games (of which grand theft auto 4 was among them) and the DVDs (lots of horror DVDs for my own use) and DS went and said that he loves nightmare on elm street. He's never watched it but the student obviously seemed a bit "suprised" that he knew what it was .

The student wants to go into school and speak to DS there, really get involved with him and befriend him...presumably in an attempt to find out whats making him behave the way he does but I want out.

I feel like every move I make is being watched, everything I say to DS will find its way into a report somewhere, everything DS says will be twisted and jotted down to paint a leak picture...

And to be honest, DS's behaviour seems to be getting better anyway.

So can I get rid of this team now that they're already involved since I went into it voluntary? The whole thing is stressing me out and I just want them to leave us alone, how do I go about pulling out of it?

Please help.

What about going back to your GP, telling him ds' behaviour has improved and asking him to cut contact on your behalf.

Canynot ring up the support group and tell them things have improved at home and their help is no longer needed?

I've phoned the bloke from the mental health team that was originally involved and when he phones back I'm going to say that we want out and wish to deal with it on our own.

I don't really see how they can insist on being involved if we don't want them since it was all voluntary to start with. What worries me is that I signed a form to say that the student could go into school to chat with DS on arranged visits...could they hold me to this?

Thing is though, I hardly think having some young lad going in, dragging him out of lessons for "chats" is going to be a great idea for a boy who hates school and finds it hard to concentrate at the best of times!

I just so wish I'd never got involved there is no wonder people shy away from outside help.

When he phones back, tell him you've had another think about the student going into school and now don't believe it would be the best thing for ds.

Thanks for the replies.

That useless bloke never phoned back so I'm just going to take it directly to the social work department at the university.

I'm going to phone them tomorow and speak to the student directly...will this sound ok?

"I've been thinking things over and since we're doing well on our own lately and things are improving I've decided it might be a good idea for us to see how it goes on our own for a few months and maybe give you a call if things don't work out?"

If he pushes it I'm thinking of adding "well to be honest I don't think his teacher is going to be very supportive of DS being taken out of lessons when he's already behind either and apart from that, I don't really want him to feel singled out so I think its best if we carry on as we are and see how things go. Thanks for the help you've given us so far though and we will get back in touch if things don't carry on improving."

Does this sound ok?

I think your suggested script sounds good. Assertive without being arsey!