Finding parental preference (not for me) difficult

[Keepingbusyeating]

Disclaimer - I’m 7 months pregnant so probably more emotional than normal!

My DD has massively started preferring her Dad, for everything. I can’t put her to bed if DH is in the house, she stands at her bedroom door crying for him. Asks for him if she needs help settling to sleep (literally says “No, don’t like mummy” and asks for DH). She won’t go for a bath without him, won’t cuddle me if he’s there, won’t sit with me, pushes me away etc. when it’s just me and her and she doesn’t know DH is there she’s lovely with me, not as cuddly as with DH and not as needy but she wants to be with me then. DH does try to help get her to be with me but she just doesn’t want to when he’s there.

My DH is very energetic and fun, my DD is similar to him in personality which makes me think she will simply always prefer to be with him. I obviously can’t really do much with her at the moment as I’m really low on energy so hoping that has something to do with it as then there’s a logical reason rather than she just doesn’t like me as much 😂😩

Has anyone experienced this and does anyone have any tips?

My plan is to just keep consistent… making effort with her to spend time with me without pushing it even if I’m always rejected, although it is really hard to not get upset by it.

I guess I’m also more upset by it as I know when the new baby is here it’s not going to get better when I’ll be doing most of the new baby care and DH with DD.

Sorry you’re struggling OP, I would try to see the positives in that at least this adjustment has happened BEFORE your new baby arrives so that you know she loves & enjoys spending time with dad as inevitably a newborn will take up more of your time and dad would have had to step in with her more anyway. I think it’s really normal they go through phases!

For what it’s worth I’m now 6 months pregnant with our second, daughter is a toddler and is obsessed with me, we have the opposite problem in that she doesn’t want to cuddle, settle, play etc with dad now and I really can’t catch a break. I’d love the preference to swing the other way for a bit here and I’m sure it will eventually and then it’ll swing back again. Good luck!

Thank you! That’s true and a good way of looking at it. Would be great if we could mix our 2 toddlers and have them level each other out 😆

I had this when I was pregnant. They can't help it, you're just not as fun when you're pregnant but they do love you still! And once you're not pregnant anymore they'll soon revert back, mine did.

Maybe visualize them still wanting you all the time and how exhausted that would be, maybe then you can feel thankful that they're leaving you alone when you need them to!

It's not an easy time being pregnant, I know you'd much rather feel like yourself and feel like you can put your usual level of effort into your child but it isn't your fault and you are giving them a sibling.

Things may change.

DS massively preferred me as a toddler and young child and made it very clear. DP found it tough.

Now in his teens, however, he argues with everything I say and if I really want him to do something I have to ask his dad as he listens to him / looks up to him and takes me for granted. Sigh.

I know that might seem a long way off now, and your DD may be totally different, but just to say that things aren't totally set in stone, you will all change over time.

Your approach sounds wise, being consistent is a good idea.

They go through phases.

My daughter is 5 and has been through many phases where she's all about Daddy and just as many when I'm her favourite. It's no different at her grandparents where she has occasionally rejected Grandma for Granddad and vice versa.

If you can I'd enjoy the break from it which you surely need at this point in your pregnancy. Having a small child attached to you at all times and insisting you do everything for them isn't all it's cracked up to be. 😂

Thank you everyone, I’ll keep going and try to appreciate the break a bit instead 😊