Second child after difficult first?

[User7164]

DS is 3 and a half and we have been debating (/putting off) having a second since he was about 2.

I had a traumatic birth, 2 years straight of NO sleep (followed by the last 1.5 years of slightly better but still not adequate sleep), lots of troubles with reflux, intolerances etc in the beginning. I really struggled with the baby stage and only just feel recently like I’m coming out the other end. LO has always been a total wild child, constant energy since birth and totally wipes me out most days but I adore him, he is the most kind, generous, thoughtful little boy given he is an only child, especially compared to other kids his age with siblings (I know a lot of people consider only children to be spoiled brats!).

I’m dying to give him a sibling. I have 2 and couldn’t imagine not having close family as I don’t have many friends and I rely on them a lot, especially during difficult family times etc. But logically I just can’t bring myself to put myself through it all again, especially with a toddler this time. I do also consider that I was quite a young FTM, and this time might be different with more expertise / maturity?

Would it be stupid to go for it? How hard REALLY is it going from 1 to 2 (only if you’ve had a difficult first, no angel babies!!!).

I think you need to be prepared to have another hard one. If you don't, you're pleasantly surprised, if you do you're prepared.

My experience with my first was similar to yours and we didn't TTC our second until he was 3.5. My personal experience has been very positive, got pregnant quickly (at 35), easy birth, content baby, good sleeper. The sleep was the biggest shock, as was the fact she's always been happy to be put on her back in the next to me. First child screamed bloody murder all night long and I had to co sleep.

Eldest has had a tough time adjusting. He adores baby sister but has had an enormous behavior regression and we've been dealing with hitting and slapping for the first time, extreme clinginess to me, and lots and lots of tantrums. It has been very hard, and I have no idea how I would have coped if baby two wasn't sleeping well.

All children are different and you can't control what baby you get. All you control is your decision to TTC or not, and how you cope with another child. Best of luck!