Managing headbanging in 21 month old

[TiredButTerrific]

Hi everyone ! I’m hoping for inputs of managing headbanging in my 21-month old. It’s been happening since 3 months-getting worse off late. It’s triggered by frustration (eg. If he can’t fit the right shape in a shape sorting to or we don’t understand what he is trying to say) and not by us holding boundaries (so not a typical temper tantrum). If he is on a padded mat, he crawls onto the floor and then head-bangs (so no way of really protecting his head). Not sure what’s the best way to manage this-I appreciate this is not uncommon in toddlers but do we ignore or do we comfort given that it’s big feelings that are triggering it. We are doing the latter so far but clearly does not help. Distraction often helps (pointing at aeroplane etc)but doesn’t always work. I will be talking to the Health visitor but would appreciate your experiences(if any)

All I could do was ignore completely. If my dc cried when they did it and I comforted them it made things worse. Took a while for them to stop and they eventually.

My son has head banged since he was 18 months. He’s 4 now and still does it on occasion but nowhere near as often.

when he did headbang he would seek out a hard surface. We would pick him up and put him somewhere soft, at times we would restrain him if he was particularly prone to injury, but we would always say soothing things, this isn’t a tantrum it’s sensory overload, it is overwhelm and trying to release it.

we got lots of judgement from family that we were being soft or somehow encouraging this behaviour because we didn’t punish him. Which is utterly ridiculous and abusive.

headbanging is a deregulation and not a tantrum.

for context my son has global delay, severe speech delay and autism.

Thanks for your response. What triggered the headbanging for your DC ? On the very few occasions that DS has done it as a tantrum (not getting what he wants), we have ignored and it has taken time but been okay. We feel uncomfortable ignoring the frustration-related headbanging as we feel we are ignoring his emotion itself (which feels cruel/unhelpful)-also we do worry that he will hurt himself accidentally…

Thanks for sharing ! My DS is dysregulated too when he headbangs. Not sure why exactly he seeks a hard surface. Hopefully we find a way to support him without making things worse. And yeah, grandparents are flummoxed by the headbanging when they see it..

But even when it’s because he doesn’t get what he wants for my son that’s not simply a tantrum. For example it might be because he wants another ice cream, he can’t rationalise why he can’t have another ice cream, he doesn’t understand why you aren’t letting him have another ice cream ice cream and that emotional can be overwhelming to a child with limited communication and his body wants to release that negative energy and does so via head banging. I’m not saying he should get the ice cream but it’s not simply a case of saying no and walking away- because that hasn’t eased their emotional overload and also if they are anything like mine his head banging can lead to quite serious injuries.

again might not be at all related to your child but my son had an added layer of fixation which he simply can’t drop. Still same scenario with the ice cream but was in a supermarket, I let him hold the box which helped but he couldn’t have one until I paid. When I did I gave him one but opened it and put what I saw as rubbish in the bin. He didn’t want the ice cream he wanted to hold it fully closed. That caused a three hour meltdown. By the end we were both frazzled!!! But that was part of his overwhelm and fixation. He didn’t actually head bang, but man he didn’t half scream and kick and cry and rock. All I could do was take him home, ignore the stares (though one woman was so nice, she helped me take the trolley back) and cuddle and rub his back until he calmed down. I didn’t give him another ice cream because he needed to calm himself down and learn how to do this, as he’s going to face many situations in life where he’s going to have to self regulate.

but saying all that, his moments are extreme, and even in his case it’s becoming less frequent the older he gets- so I hope that helps! X

My sons triggers are sensory/ sound, lights, shops are a nightmare, people coming into the house and leaving (he finds the change difficult), same with nursery, clothing he has to wear socks all the time, taking shoes off is currently an issue, saying no )literally just saying the word so we say stop instead), food can be triggering. But all of those are linked to his autism and sensory difficulties. He has had huge meltdowns in hair dressers, shoe shops, any one who tries to make him look smart!!! So we decided that we would cut his hair and I have a foot measuring thing now. I’m hoping though that when I can rationalise with him these types of things will improve.

however I’m not remotely saying this is why your child is headbanging. At their age they can identify what they need and want but can’t communicate or rationalise and like you mentioned can be a result of frustration in the moment

Thanks for sharing all this. Full credit to you for being kind to your LO through all the big emotions !