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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Explaining Autism to a 4yo

5 replies

EnchantedToMeetYou2 · 17/08/2025 12:43

Firstly, I apologise if any terms I use are incorrect - I don’t have a lot of experience with neurodivergence and would appreciate some help from those of you that do 😊

DS (4yo) has started noticing differences between himself and others in his nursery class - everything from hair/skin colour, to physical disability, and behavioural differences. I believe this to be perfectly normal at this age and we chat about things like race and physical differences. What I’m finding it more difficult to explain are the behaviours shown by some of the neurodivergent children in his class which he had started to question.

There are 4 children who I know to be autistic, some more severe than others. I’m not sure if any have any other diagnosis. 2 of the 4 are pre-verbal/non-verbal.

DS has never really commented much on differences before other than “I build in the sandpit with Tommy and I tell the key worker if he needs help because Tommy doesn’t have his words yet” but he’s now come home saying a few things like “Josh says that Tommy and Isaac are ‘bad boys’ because they always throw toys and hit and they try to get out of the nursery door and that is naughty stuff so they must be bad!”.

I have obviously corrected him and told him that they are not ‘bad’ and that all people learn differently and some children, like Tommy and Isaac, find it more difficult to learn and understand things than others so they’re not doing these things to be ‘bad’.

He now is coming home saying things like “I got sad today because I worked really hard on building a tower then Isaac came and pushed it over. But I know he’s still learning”.

His nursery are big on celebrating differences etc and I’m going to chat with them about how they approach these things so that there is consistency but I’m wondering if any parents on here who have experience with neurodivergent children may be able to give me some help with explanations?

OP posts:
Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/08/2025 16:49

I always just say that everyone's brain works differently, so some people behave differently to others, or have different needs.

EnchantedToMeetYou2 · 17/08/2025 20:10

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/08/2025 16:49

I always just say that everyone's brain works differently, so some people behave differently to others, or have different needs.

@Barrenfieldoffucks thank you

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 17/08/2025 20:14

If you can get hold of the superhero brain book then do. That tells him a bit more about what n autistic brain can do.

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DadofTwoUK · 26/08/2025 13:57

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johnd2 · 26/08/2025 14:20

I just tell mine that some people are struggling more with what happens so they need more help calming down. Books like he colour monster are probably good ones at that age, maybe less need for specific autism books as opposed to general ones about feelings and differences.
Definitely a good idea to talk to school though, they will have resources and information.

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