Am I overreacting or was my husband mean?

[lilpickle123]

Posting for some advice on a row me and DH had had this morning, hope I'm posting in right place. We are going through a rough patch the last month or so and have been sleeping in separate rooms. Started potty training recently just sitting baby on the potty in the morning to get her used to it. She did a wee in it this morning and I gave her loads of praise. I wasn't expecting anything else so just washed it out and then went to lead her back to her room to get dressed. But in the time it took me to put potty away she had done a poo and walked it into the tiles!

I called for some held and DH comes in and I told him what happened. He rolled his eyes and said ofc she was going to poo why would you clean the potty straight away. He looked so angry. I think he was purposely trying to make me feel worse about this. I already felt terrible and know I should have left her on there longer but she normally doesn't do anything how was I supposed to know she would wee and poo on potty this morning :(

I'm actually really upset. I was thinking maybe things were getting better the last few days but it's just reminding me how often he digs the knife in and tries to make me feel worse for small mistakes. I'm not sure if I want to continue the relationship as there is no warmth in these situations.

Would it have killed him to just be happy she weed in the potty! Am I overreacting?

He is being ridiculous and mean , is he like this a lot ?

Hand over potty training responsibility to him if he knows how to do it so well. How he handles even one day of it will tell you all you need to know, but I think you already know.

He was a massive prick. Hopefully it is due to stress/overwhelm and he apologizes to you soon. Otherwise, this kind of thing will wear you down in life.

A fair bit but it's always little things so I feel ridiculous if it upsets me

I know what you mean and definitely that definitely won't go well I don't think he'd have the patience for it! Surely you'd expect a few accidents when starting out. I said that won't be last poo we have on the floor, just trying to lighten the mood and he didn't say anything for ages
Then once I'd finished cleaning and he got DD dressed he did come back and try and apologise but it felt hollow. I just don't like how his first instinct to have a go at me

He has apologised now but I'm definitely feeling worn down like you say as stuff like this happens quite often
We're in a weird place at the minute, coparenting but not really acting like a couple. I used to be really conscious of never going to bed angry and all that but now we've been in this funny place not really speaking much for ages and I think the relationship might be dying off :(
We had a nice day yesterday but that hasn't lasted and he doesn't seem to care about being in the spare room for so long

No one has a poo crystal ball..

On the face of it, it just sounds like a burst of irritation/rudeness at the thought of having to clean poo out of grouting (never fun) - so if he apologised, and doesn’t make a habit of it, fair enough.

But there is clearly a lot more going on - I think you might get more useful help if you posted about your broader issues.

I’m sorry you had a shitty start to the day

He can do all the potty training when he’s about going forward.

Little things are little things so it eould cost him nothing to be nicer. If he can’t be nice about the little things he won’t be nice about the big ones—then what is left?

This is advice you won’t take but I would straight up ask him “Do you have some kind of mood issue? You are just incredibly mean to me all the time. Pointlessly. Selfishly. Rudely. Either figure out how to treat me lovingly or leave. Life is too short to be treated this way in my own home by my own husband.”

Having read the whole thread I think he wants out but wants you to kick him out. He’s tired of being a parent and husband.

If he doesn’t have the patience for it he needs to shut the fuck up

Thanks I get what you mean, it's not a fun job, it's annoying but also why does it have to be anyone's fault it's just accident, wish we could have just laughed about and got on with the day but him being pissed set the tone

I hadn't considered this at all and it does make me sad to think that :(
I actually tried straight up asking him why he was being horrible and telling him to go the spare room and not come back till he can treat me nicer.. and it's been a month and he's still there and hasn't mentioned it at all! I broached it 2 weeks ago and it ended in another argument so have just left him to it
You might be right ☹️

In hindsight I think I should have just tackled the mess and baby on my own this morning and not dragged him into it!

You’re not dragging him into it. You’re supposed to be a team. Potty training will test anyone to the limit but you should be working together.

Thanks @Spudthespanner I wish it could be like that! Wasn't expecting such a serious reaction or I wouldn't have bothered him

Maybe he’s giving you that reaction so you won’t bother him. I’m so sorry you’re having a bad time. The poo on the floor should cause laughter not anger and rows. It’s amazing how quick they can do a poo when you’re not looking!

Im glad he’s apologised but if it sounded hollow it looks like you need to have a bigger conversation with him. He sounds lazy. Does he get up in the night if DD needs anything? Or has sleeping in separate rooms meant he gets undisturbed nights?

It really is! I turned my back for 5 seconds and she took that as her opportunity 😂
DH is much better with nights in the last few months even in spare room. I was struggling before either doing all wake ups or him just bringing her to me but now he does his fair share and really tries to settle her so I can see he's actually listened.
But I feel like we keep having rows like this which chip away any attempt at creating good vibes and getting back on track. It's so frustrating!