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Parenting

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Original poster

My ex has booked to take out 5yo daughter on holiday with his new partner who she’s only just met.

12 replies

Sparklypeachsprinkles · 17/08/2025 07:35

I split with my ex in January. We share 50/50 care with our 5yo daughter. Last week he told me he was seeing someone new, a girl he’s worked with for the past four years. He then proceeded to introduce our daughter to her without speaking to me about it first. Knowing I was upset, he then proceeded to tell me that he was taking my daughter away for a week (in one weeks time) and his new partner is going with them.

I know the way that is handled it is not okay however he had been open with me about wanting to take our daughter on holiday. I felt uneasy her being away from me for a week but I had previously agreed it was okay, thinking it was just going to be them two.

I feel that everything is moving too fast and don’t think it’s fair to throw our daughter so quickly into a new relationship. I’d like for her to build a relationship gradually with his new partner and potential future stepmum.

Am I being unreasonable and unfair to my daughter if I refuse to let her go on holiday?

OP posts:

Mrsttcno1 · 17/08/2025 07:58

Yes it would be unreasonable and unfair. This is part of coparenting unfortunately, you don’t get to dictate what happens on “his” time. I get why you aren’t overjoyed about it but he’s her dad, he gets to make these decisions for his time and his relationships, not you. Assuming no abuse issues & you know he will take care of her given you agreed the holiday you would be unreasonable to now say no because you don’t like his girlfriend, you need to try and separate these things out.

Beachwaves45 · 17/08/2025 08:01

I wouldn't be agreeing to that at all, your DD has only just met her and I would feel uneasy about them going away together so soon.

KimHwn · 17/08/2025 08:06

I think that although not ideal, it's a good sign that your ex is taking your daughter away and not choosing a holiday with just his girlfriend. And it's a good sign that she's on board too- kids change a holiday completely but she's obviously up for it.
It is crap that it's all happened so quickly, but I'd go with it and be very positive in front of your child, talk kindly about her dad's new gf etc.

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thestory · 17/08/2025 08:08

I get it OP, I’d have wanted him to spend that time with her one on one especially since your split is fairly recent. And I agree that he should be building up the introduction gradually as realistically that is what is in your daughters best interests. I wouldn’t be happy but I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it.

BerryTwister · 17/08/2025 08:13

It’s way too soon.

DongDingBell · 17/08/2025 08:14

Way too soon - and if they are all sharing a room it's even worse.
But there is nothing you can do. Hide your horror at the situation, and make it sound as amazing as you can for your daughter.

SoManyDandelions · 17/08/2025 08:23

Was he a hands-on dad when you were together? If not, I suspect he's invited his GF so he doesn't have to parent by himself for a week.

How does your DD feel about the holiday?

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 17/08/2025 08:28

It is too soon.

However, there is nothing you can dp about it. He is her parent and on his time it is his choices and his rules.

ScaryM0nster · 17/08/2025 08:30

You might think it’s too soon, but realistically you can stop it so for your daughters sake focussing on it being a success is probably the way to go.

BondAway25 · 17/08/2025 08:34

It's fine, it's someone he's known for a longtime. You have 50/50 care so it's not like he's not a hands on parent. it's another adult there in holiday, it's not a big deal. (As far as DD is concerned though it might be for you, him having someone else, so soon. Was there a cross over do you think?)

Besides, I don't think you really get to let him or not, take her on holiday in his week.

BondAway25 · 17/08/2025 08:36

SoManyDandelions · 17/08/2025 08:23

Was he a hands-on dad when you were together? If not, I suspect he's invited his GF so he doesn't have to parent by himself for a week.

How does your DD feel about the holiday?

He has her 50/50 anyway, he's already parenting her without a 'sidekick'.

Beesandhoney123 · 17/08/2025 08:47

Expect your dd knows her already. And is used to them being together.
Let your dd be excited, tell her you're a phone call away and want to hear all about it on return.

Keep your misgivings to yourself. You co parent. You and your dd trust him and he has known her for years. Your dd will be fine and enjoy herself without worrying about you, if you let her.

It's not too soon for her to be away from you, you are both used to being away from each other. And you are divorced and co parent, so that's the way it is. Harsh but true. What matters now is how you handle it.

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