A thread for those with a difficult 5 year old…

[exceptthebelief]

Positive encouragement only please.
ill start…

DS is 5.5 and right now I’m not sure whether his behaviour is his age, or just the person he is… I always blame myself because I suffered with PND when he was born, then we had covid and a house move and I guess we didn’t really bond initially, but we definitely bonded later on and I love him to death, but I have always found him awkward and defiant, and now we’re 5 and he just seems either hyper or moody, no in between.
He rarely seems content, he winds up his little sister, who is very chilled, and he seems to have some problems regulating his emotions.
I am finding this stage of parenting very challenging and it’s difficult when you meet friends with a much better behaved child.

I really try to connect with him, I’m cuddly, loving, funny, try to be consistent (although it’s hard sometimes not to shout), just feeling a bit lost with this parenting thing. DH is struggling too.

Anyone else?

Hopeful bump

It’s not clear what he’s actually doing? Can you be more specific?

When he wakes up he is hyper the second he opens his eyes. He cannot sit and chill and watch the TV. He cannot play on his own for more than 60 seconds. When you try and encourage this he gets angry and nasty. He is very quick to be angry, and he will say hurtful things, such as you are a weirdo, shut up you idiot, which I really hate hearing from my child towards me. He always puts up a fight to getting his teeth brushed or told to put his shoes on/get dressed, he never just does it. He doesn’t react well to consistent discipline, he lacks politeness despite being encouraged from a young age to be polite. He rarely seems content, he sleeps well and eats well/healthy so we cannot improve on that.
Our DD is an angel which makes him seem worse. I struggle when he winds her up not to take an impartial view because she’s so sweet and lovely.
I genuinally believe he has ODD, but labelling him would only be the start, I want to be able to help him. I’ve posted on here before and received criticism which I always except on here but would love to hear from someone who is in a similar boat, or something who’s coming out the other side and has genuine tips.

Would you be able to look into resources aimed at understanding child development and challenging behaviour? It’s hard to be consistent in implementing firm but kind boundaries if you don’t see it “working” in the immediate way shouting/punishing can. But parenting is about the long game and building a relationship with the child in-front of us, not who we wish they could be. “There’s no such thing as naughty” by Kate Silverton is a good book if you need a recommendation.

Sorry, but do you want a healthy boy to sit down and watch television when he has just got up?

As for being polite, neither my dd nor my dgd were polite until way older than five, despite being reminded all the time.

I’d love to understand the reasoning behind his behaviour. He seems to want control which I can only think stems from anxiety? He is a deep thinker and I can see some of myself in him. He is good at school and no one has ever raised any concerns. He seems to dislike me having any authority over him. He is similar with my DH but not at bad as with me. It feels like we are trying and trying and nothing helps him. I really really want to help him, but not sure how.

My dd is like this too, so headstrong and it really triggers me - probably because I wouldn’t have been allowed to say no or shout at my mum at her age! I read “the book you wish your parents had read” by Philippa Perry which i found helpful- I’d recommend that one too.

I imagine that she wants five minutes to wake up / make coffee / wee.

My 5yo is now a little better, but until a year ago sounds very like your son OP. She WILL NOT entertain herself at all, she wanted your absolute attention at all times.

So TV was slightly essential for sanity, unless you actively wanted to play unicorns at 5am.

OP - I have no suggestions as my DD is better, but still not in any way chill. I think it’s just growing up a bit that has calmed her slightly.