Hi, I’m in desperate need of advice. Myself and DH are a blended family. My children are older and see their father at weekends and whenever else they choose. DH’s children are 50-50 with us and their mum.
Mum of DSC is extremely high conflict, to the point that any time my husband has to contact her about the children, it ends up in an argument. This is something I’ve never experienced because myself and DC’s father have always been amicable and put the children first. So it’s something I struggle with, as I hate confrontation, it makes me quite anxious and she always bring me into it.
Anyway, DH starts a new job imminently and has had to contact her regarding a slight change of arrangements and they’ve come to loggerheads again. I really don’t know if we’re being unreasonable. We live 30 mins from mum and where DSC’s go to school. She has them Monday and Tuesday every week, then we have them Wednesday and Thursday every week, and alternate Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This means that change over days are Wednesdays, Mondays and Fridays.
As ‘our day’ is a Wednesday but they wake up at mums house, we pay for a childminder round the corner from her house, from 7.30am, as that’s when she leaves for work. Monday and every other Friday are mums days and we have always taken the children to her or to her childcare, even when we lived local to her.
However, now my husband has a new job and has to start work at 7.30. Mums house is the opposite direction to his new job. I also work full-time but have more flexible hours, so will often work for a couple of hours once all children are in bed. I have to take my DC’s to school, in a different direction again, but on our days with DSC’s, I will drop them at the childminder and then take my children to school. It’s a rush, but hopefully will be doable. Then DH will finish work earlier on those days and collect DSC’s from school. We’ve got most of it sorted. However, DH has asked mum to meet one of us halfway on her Monday and Friday, so one day a week, to enable him to get to work on time and to make my life a bit easier. She has refused, saying that it’s his responsibility to drop DSC’s to her. My understanding is that meeting halfway is quite standard in a 50-50 arrangement, especially as it’s only 15 mins journey for her.
Does anyone have any advice on this, or have any suggestions to make the workable?