Further education dispute and maintence

[herewegogogox]

Posting on behalf of my husband as he has found mumsnet feedback great in past (so please no "what does this have to do with you as step mum" comments, as nothing, it has absolutely nothing, just my account)

Posting in his words:

Daughter 16 lives with mum and has not slept over for the last 2 years but visits often (her decision). Maintence was adjusted accordingly as now sleeps 0 nights, I also give her pocket money via bank transfer weekly.

Anyway, she was supposed to be going to college in September to study beauty therapy which i think is great... she has decided last minute she doesn't want to go to college and wants to do a private course that is nails only via salon ... the course is £750 and will give her beginners skills in acrylics but does not start until November this year ... personally I think college was the better option to gain a full qualification in all areas of beauty plus it is free and keeps her in education which i thought that's what they have to do?

I have very little influence over DD, she is strong willed and if she apposes my opinion she ignores my calls/stops visiting.

Anyway, she agreed to get a job in the lead up to the course, now she says she won't be getting a job and wants to practice doing nails at home on friends/family until November.

Mum is agreeing to this, also giving her bus money to go her boyfriends house, money for days out etc practically everyday....

I am aware that she should be in education until 18 but nowhere can I find anywhere who supports making sure this happens! She won't even look at apprenticeships etc.

I don't think it is unreasonable for her to get a job if she is not in full time education... also as she is not in education where does this leave me with maintence payments? I was more than happy to pay as long as required as wanted her in education, I don't want to leave Mum empty handed as know she will lose her child benefit etc come September but I also feel nothing is being done to encourage her to earn her own money and she is being enabled? But don't want to use maintence as leverage as that also feels unfair.

What should I do?

Also just to add the course is 1 day a week over 4 weeks

I had one DC that was not in full-time education but they were on a part time course and also had a job.

If she wants to work in a salon it will be hard to get a job, especially so young, but if she has already shown that she can get a job and keep it then employers will be more likely to consider her.

Maintenance usually lasts as long as the DC is in fulltime education. Is your Ex aware that it’s normal for payments to stop once the DC are no longer in School, College or Uni?

It might be nice to practice at home but in reality she can do this around a job. Although I do appreciate that it’s harder for young people to get jobs at the moment but it’s not impossible. 16 hours a week at B&M would be better than nothing and she would still have plenty of time to do the things she wants to.

I'd send ex a message saying that as she's leaving FTE, your payments will end on X date. Somehow I'm sure she'll suddenly talk her daughter into attending college.

No one will make her stay in education.
Child benefit will stop if she’s not in education.
Maintenance can stop too.
Has your DH thought about how long he intends to give pocket money ?

My DD dropped out of education at 17 due to illness.

in theory it’s required to stay in education. In practice no-one chases it although if you try to access support and are not in education they will prioritise you.

so nobody is going to come after you or her with a big stick.

maintenance is generally payable while a child is in full time education.

in your shoes to avoid pissing her off I’d both reduce the amount and offer to transfer it straight to her. Probably piss your ex wife off a lot.

Yes I think I would go with this. Clear and simple, and mum then has no choice but to share the pain. If mum is happy to support an unproductive lifestyle, then that is her choice, but simply ignoring bad choices isn't helping the daughter. Daughter can do anything she wants as an adult, but there are consequences of being an adult too - taking responsibility and earning a living are two of them.

Realistically, no 17 year old is going to build a viable business from doing a 4 day course. It sounds like a huge waste of money that’s going to take her nowhere. I think you (I assume you are dad) and her mum need to sit down with her and lay things out and talk about the future.

If she wants to run a beauty business, she needs business skills and she needs to manage a budget. I think if she’s not in FT education then maintenance needs to stop, but if she wants to stay in education, I’d help her realise the benefits of that (financial and otherwise). Assuming she’s in college, I’d be happy to be supplementing her earnings and I’d make that clear so it’s a good deal for her. Sounds like she needs a kick in the bum to get doing something.

Agree with mindutopia. She isn’t going to earn enough from such a short course and she’ll also need guidance on Self Assessment Forms, Bookkeeping, Advertising, Liability Insurance, NI and Pension payments. Has she considered all of that? It might be worth your DH asking her how she’s going to deal with all of that.

I also agree that letting his ex know what date the Maintenance will stop as full-time education is stopping let’s them know that sitting on her arse most of the time isn’t a viable option.

Thank you all - comments have been really helpful and highlighted some things that DH hadn't considered.