18 month old hurting 4 year old

Babybirdmum · 2025-08-13T12:50:54+00:00

Anyone got any advice - my 18 month old keeps pulling my 4 yr olds hair and trying to hit/scratch/pinch her. She can be gentle and play nice and give her a kiss when asked. However I think she’s defending her toys but sometimes she does it randomly. I’m at my wits ends!

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Original poster

Babybirdmum · 13/08/2025 15:16

anyone?

OP posts:

modgepodge · 13/08/2025 15:19

Following for advice as my 17m old keeps pulling my 6 year olds hair and seems to think it’s hilarious!!!

I just remove his hand and say a very firm ‘NO!’ and move him away. But I don’t know how to stop it happening time and time again.

BarnacleBeasley · 13/08/2025 15:24

I have a 4 year old and a 20 month old, and the little one doesn't deliberately hurt the bigger one but can be a bit too rough for his taste. Unsolicited cuddles etc. I tend to keep them fairly separate, to be honest - they like to play together sometimes for about 20 minutes, but on their own terms. Otherwise I think they're just not yet at an age where they're particularly compatible playmates and I suspect they'll get on better later if we minimise conflict now. The older one has a high table with his colouring and craft stuff on, so the little one can't reach, and knows that 'everybody toys' live downstairs and special toys that he doesn't want his brother to play with live in his room.

We also try to make sure we enforce the same rules for the little one as for the big one re. things like taking turns, being gentle, etc., using the same language - this is a bit performative as the little one doesn't necessarily understand, but it's more to show the big one that we're being fair. So e.g. if baby has snatched a toy we would say 'DS1 had that, it's still his turn. You can have a turn afterwards'.

Original poster

Babybirdmum · 13/08/2025 16:41

BarnacleBeasley · 13/08/2025 15:24

I have a 4 year old and a 20 month old, and the little one doesn't deliberately hurt the bigger one but can be a bit too rough for his taste. Unsolicited cuddles etc. I tend to keep them fairly separate, to be honest - they like to play together sometimes for about 20 minutes, but on their own terms. Otherwise I think they're just not yet at an age where they're particularly compatible playmates and I suspect they'll get on better later if we minimise conflict now. The older one has a high table with his colouring and craft stuff on, so the little one can't reach, and knows that 'everybody toys' live downstairs and special toys that he doesn't want his brother to play with live in his room.

We also try to make sure we enforce the same rules for the little one as for the big one re. things like taking turns, being gentle, etc., using the same language - this is a bit performative as the little one doesn't necessarily understand, but it's more to show the big one that we're being fair. So e.g. if baby has snatched a toy we would say 'DS1 had that, it's still his turn. You can have a turn afterwards'.

Yes I do that too! I worry it’s not entirely fair when they’re at my mum and dad’s house though. I get the feeling my mum still tries to give the elder one everything she wants assuming the little one won’t be any the wiser but I think she is cottoning on now.

OP posts:

18 month old hurting 4 year old

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