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Child friendships help

5 replies

Ohdearanotherone · 12/08/2025 23:04

I’ve changed my username for this. I think! My 12 year old DS has lots of friends at school, does activities outside of school and has friends he talks to there, but over the summer no one has asked him to play out, or messaged him to do anything. If he didn’t want to go out this would be fine, but he does. He won’t message them as he feels if they want him to go out then they will ask him, as they haven’t asked him he thinks they don’t want him to go out and so he won’t ask them. He is quite an anxious child and over thinks a lot (as do I). We re now week 4 into the holidays and as me and his dad are both working (between us one of us is always at home WFH so he’s not on his own), he isn’t doing anything but playing games online and going on social media. What makes matters worse is you can now see where your friends are on Snapchat and he can see they are out but haven’t asked him. I have tried speaking to some of the parents which hasn’t worked. What can I do to either a) encourage him to make the first move or b) keep him occupied and happy myself over the next few weeks given i have to work too (I can do stuff over lunchtimes/finish early). I’ve tried everything but it’s breaking my heart every night him saying his friends have been out again and no one has asked him. His dad thinks DS just needs to bite the bullet, message them and sort it, but he won’t. Sorry it’s long but this also happened in the Easter and whit holidays and I was really hoping come summer it would have been easier. It’s not! Any ideas/tips would be really helpful thank you.

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Gcsunnyside23 · 12/08/2025 23:13

He has to ask them unfortunately, I know it's hard for him but I noticed with my kids unless you have a real solid best friend to fall back on or really outgoing it's easy to get overlooked in the group. Both of mine are shy and I had to more or less force my youngest to make the first move so to speak and that it's not the end of the world if they say no or are busy you try again. Is he talking to them but not asking to go out or is he not talking to them either? Does he game? I advised my son to ask whoever he was closest with first out if group chats etc. I feel for you, I spend way too many hours worrying about my kids and if they are happy or lonely and helping them navigate friendships etc

BunnyRuddington · 13/08/2025 07:17

Asking the one he’s closest to if they want to do a particular activity, even if it’s just coming over to game is what I’d advise too.

When I was slightly older than your DS I left one friendship group, had a while being a bit lonely then one day phoned up a girl I got on with and thought might want to hang out. We’ve been close friends ever since.

He does need to figure this one out by himself. He can either stay at home watching others on SM or he can do something positive. Unfortunately you can’t sort this for him.

BunnyRuddington · 13/08/2025 07:24

And I know he’s not yet a Teen but the Teenage Section is usually quite good for this kind of issue Flowers

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Ohdearanotherone · 13/08/2025 08:45

Thank you all I know you are right. I will try again with this today xx

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Ohdearanotherone · 13/08/2025 08:48

And in answer to the first poster, no he isn’t talking to them either and he does game but he seems to do this either on his own or with friends who he doesn’t see either. He is very shy, he’s even asked me how you start and make conversation as he doesn’t feel he knows how to do this either. BUT when he is with a group of friends I see he is absolutely fine. He’s not very good one on one and describes it as awkward. I do understand this sometimes has to come with age. Anyway thank you for your advice I will keep at it!

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