5 year old turn around, emotional and angry.

[bedofroses59]

Hit me with your honesty, I need it!

So I have a 5 year old who is so emotional and angry or highly strung! Recently we have gone through the bedtime saga, after two years of getting in bed, sleeping in her own room and through the night she's decided, sod this I'm not going to bed, I'm going to cry and be as clingy as I can be, just for info, I spend all week with her whilst Daddy works away.

Having been at nursery for 3 years then at school for the last, she's just lost all confidence, is it simply becoming more knowing as she's growing?

Bed time is now a nightmare, I have resulted in taking the tablet away of an evening and I will certainly stick to that and made it clear that bedtime isn't a choice, it's important.

Now, what I need to admit is that I'm an emotional Nora myself, not Infront of her , but in the past I have struggled with depression, has it rubbed off on her? When I had her I suffered terribly with postnatal depression and I recall asking the health visitor if my baby would pick up on my sadness, I have always made sure that I keep my own sadness to myself and having lost my dad recently (6 weeks ago) so I am not feeling very strong myself, and that's very raw, I made sure I didn't let my little girl see me too upset, however I felt it important she knew it was ok to be sad.

Maybe I have been lucky over the last few years and maybe this is just a little girl being a little girl. I'm dreading the return to school in fear we will have crying again and want to be attached to mummy but I really do feel at the minute that I am simply winging being a mum and I'm not too sure how to tackle things.

Could it be related to the summer holidays?

Different perhaps, because our son is high needs, but his behaviour has changed dramatically the last few weeks and the anger at tiny details is off the scale. It’s the lack of usual routine that’s thrown him, we’re begging for school to go back already.

As I said, it is different because your daughter doesn’t (I assume) have additional needs, but NT kids get unsettled by changes in their routines and lives too!

Hello,

Thanks for your comment. She doesn't have additional needs ( well I don't believe so) certainly nobody has picked up on that being the case. This has been for the last 6 months but her emotions running high for some time now. It's just like she doesn't want to be without me!

Could be a bit of attachment. Again, quite common - especially at that age.

Is she like that during the day too or predominantly at night?

We had it heightened at bedtime for a bit - turns out he was scared of the dark, and didn’t like sleeping alone.

If it is attachment, we’ve found small doses of independent time and then an adult returning, building those small doses up to longer times, has really helped.

5 is a peak age for starting to understand the reality of death and trying to process what it means.
If you have recently lost a parent she may have just realised that this is possible and that is why she is more clingy.

She may not have an awareness that this is what she is reacting to. She may have questions and uncertainty about death but doesn't know how to ask.

I would be open about talking about your dad. That you feel sad but it is also ok.
You might want to read books with her that tackle separation ( eg the magic string) or even death ( eg Badger's parting gifts). This gives her opportunities to ask questions related to the books but that might help her process what is going on for her and for you.
Make sure you are building in times for intimacy and warmth with her ( playing following her lead, reading together, even watching TV together) occasional trips out with just her one on one etc.

My mum has recently died and my friends' daughter's of a similar age have been asking all sorts of questions ( "do you feel sad in all of your body", "what did she look like when she was dead?" Did you take a photo?". " Why did she die?" etc. They aren't being rude, they sre just trying to make sense of it all.

She's like it mostly at bedtime. She's always a little hesitant when we go to parties, for example you have to get her involved she doesn't just roll on in and get on with it with any other children unless her best friends are there. Maybe it is attachment, maybe a little confidence boosting is needed or me reiterating I am always here which I do tend to do anyway, I say, I am never far away !

Thank you so much I really appreciate your input.

Did you bring your child to the burial? In my country the children learn about death and come to the church where the prayers are read over the open coffin, then we all go to the cemetery...Is she unformed what happened to her grandfather and what death is

Forgot to add: the old women wail like mad, it really is upsetting for kids. Here is totally different but is your child informed what death is. I was that age when was informed what death is and honestly, robbed me.....it did, until I picked up a Bible later on and learnt about the eternal life

Hello, no we didn't take her to the funeral , it thought not to be the correct thing to do, but I appreciate that some faiths choose to and totally respect that.

In addition we have had pets that have passed and she's always believed that they are up in the sky with Jesus. She references to the sky when someone has passed and them being up above looking at us all.

That's great that she has understood the concept of death from pets dying but this may be the first time she has realised that a parent could die. This would explain her sudden clinginess especially at bedtime ( bed time/ sleep is a mini separation from parents that children learn to cope with but with thoughts/ understanding of death being a lifeline separation, then she may suddenly have regressed into not coping with the bedtime separation.

I'd try and make sure you have a warm comforting bedtime ritual with her, but also make sure you talk about what you are going to do together the next day. Can be simple things like eating breakfast etc - just so that you are focusing on the continuity of your relationship.

Thank you so much for your comments, really are appreciated.