What to do

[Noogsmagpie]

My partner of 9 months isn’t getting on with my 8 year old from a previous marriage. Due to my own physically aggressive treatment as a child by my own parents I don’t take a strong approach to discipline. My partner seems to be offended by a lot that my son does.For example we were playing a ball game in a park. Catching and throwing. My partner started showing my son how to throw really well. Did a demo and asked him to have a go. My son followed instruction and had a go two times. He then went back to throwing in his normal way. The all bounces low and hits the ground more. He think this is funny. My partner starts to say he needs to do it the way he’s shown him. My son says he might later, throws it low. My partner tried to talk to him about practising new skills. My son runs towards me covering his ears saying he just wants to play and not keep practising. My partner then says that covering his ears is very rude and says he won’t play with him any longer and walks away from the game and sits on a bench. As he walks away my son gets upset. I tell him he should go and apologise to him. He goes over and apologises but seems slightly unsure as to what to say to my partner. My partner doesn’t accept his apology and asks him what he’s apologising for. My son then becomes more upset. I then say we are leaving the park as any fun/joy is gone. I’m left as piggy in the middle again not sure of what to do. I think the apology should have been accepted and we should move on but it seems like my partner wants more drama than that. What should I be doing? I’ve said to my son that I agree with partner that he shouldn’t have put his hands over his ears as it was rude. There have been other similar incidents. My son is saying he wants us to split up. I’m just sad that they don’t get on.

What the actual... 9 months and you are defending your partner over your son. Sorry this post makes me really angry

Get rid of the man. Or at least keep him away from your ds. He's horrible.

Your child is EIGHT, he's on school holiday, he wants to enjoy himself and relax.

Instead he has your knob of a man telling him he has to do things his way when your ds doesn't want to. When the man isn't obeyed immediately, he walks off and withdraws from the game like a petulant child, using that action to put pressure on your CHILD.

And you, as his mother, support the man !! When you should be defending your child.

Think about it. Why should your ds apologise? He was happy throwing ball. He didn't want to be lectured. He is on holiday. He should be allowed to relax. He has done nothing wrong. And he shouldn't have his life made miserable by some random stranger (to him), your lover.

If you must see this man, do it when you are not caring for your child.

Get rid of the man. He was completely out of line. Child wanted to play. Let him fucking play and tell the man child to fuck off.

You are NOT in the middle. You are firmly on your son's side (or should be).

Oh poor boy - I would end this relationship, your son is obviously very unhappy.

I think this should mark the end of the relationship for you.

You’ve experienced physical abuse. This man, for whatever reason, is displaying behaviour that could easily be interpreted as emotional abuse.

He’s 8 he just wants to play in the park. Your (hopefully ex) boyfriend wasn’t listening when DS said he would do it later. Why can’t ge have a bit of fun and do it the way he wants for a while.

I think you were wrong to make him apologise too. Your BF wasn’t listening, used withdrawal of his company as a punishment and was totally out of order.

Please prioritise your DS. End this relationship, it doesn’t bode well for you or your DS avd see if you can have done Counselling. How you view relationships understandably seems a bit skewed.

Thank you everyone. I was very upset that my son was upset. I thought the hands over the ears was just typical 8 year old behaviour when told to do something he didn’t want to. I was then told that I don’t help as I support my son. He seems to always get at my son when we are all together. This isn’t all the time, but it’s clear that when we are he’s constantly telling my son that he’s done something wrong or needs to improve on something or another. My thoughts are that he’s only 8 and is just learning. He has to be allowed to have his own opinion and make mistakes.

Of course he’s allowed to make his own decisions and make mistakes. Thats part of growing up.

You’ve noticed that your “D”P often deans and upsets your DS. So to put your question back to you, what are you going to do about it?

I’m going to speak to my partner and see if he understands my perspective and how it’s affecting my son. I’m going to try and separate the two so that my son is no longer subjected to this treatment.

It's your job to protect your son. He's being bullied in his own home, with his mother there, poor kid has nowhere to go. You need to end it now.

A man has no place disciplining your child 9 months into a relationship. If he doesn't know this already, there is no future. There is no amount of talking, you can't fundamentally change someone.

You may be lonely and desperate for a relationship but you need to remember your son relies on you to put him first.

Your son is right, get rid! Can't believe you introduced a man you barely know to your child. Also, that man makes zero effort with your son 🙄

He’s your very recent boyfriend and is being a dick to your eight year old child. Why do you even need to ask about this?

I’m sorry OP but your “D”P has very clearly shown you who he is. If you do talk to him he may hide it for a while but he’ll soon go back to old habits.

What’s making you have a need to make the relationship work when it’s obvious ots not going to?

Why would you want to stay with him? He sounds awful. Aside from which, he shouldn’t have been anywhere near your son after 9 months.

I allowed them to meet as I met his 3 sons from his previous marriage. They all seem like brilliant young men. He seems to have done a good job with them. Thanks for your help.

I would NEVER in my life let a new boyfriend be like this with my child. You are picking your new man over your son, he’s 8!!! Sort it out

Are you listening to yourself?

I spoke to my partner. He said when my son put his hands over his ears he got cross and walked away because he knew he didn’t want to get angry with him. I said I thought he behaved like a child for getting cross about something which wasn’t a disrespectful act just an 8 year old not wanting to do something, which is quite normal. I asked why he wouldn’t accept his apology which made him even more upset. He said it was a false apology. I said I disagreed with him and that my boy was trying to do something that he finds difficult so it should have been accepted and not turned into further drama or another stick to hit him with. Now I see that he got cross over something that shouldn’t have caused such anger. My Mum was very similar, I used to walk on eggshells as a child not knowing how she might react to something.

It doesn’t seem that you’re listening to either yourself or anyone on this thread OP.

I recommend looking the relationship section.

There is some useful information at the top on how to extricate yourself from an abusive relationship, and this does very much sound like you’re already in one.

Also the Preteen, Teenage and Parents of Adult Children Sections when you’re trying to help your DS get over the damage that your relationships have had on him.

You are lucky though, you can choose to end this. Your poor wee DS has to put up with the decisions you make.

Why is covering his ears rude, but not letting an 8 year old play isn't?
He was doing nothing wrong. No wonder he didn't know what he was apologising for.

You've known him 9 months? He shouldn't even have met your child yet

At this stage in a relationship he's still on his best behaviour, this is THE BEST he's going to do with your child.

Run! Run very fast! You're allowing your child to be put in ab abusive position otherwise

No point talking to a man who acts this ay