Help me - 2.5 year old

[cbbo]

Is anyone else really struggling with this age. I don’t know if I’m the problem.
she’s a little over 2.5 years, 3 in November. We’re having a stressful time at home, don’t like where we live, trying to buy our first house. Difficulties with childcare set up. All stressful. Then we have a toddler who’s started tantrums, not daily. General toddler frustrations, the ‘noooo’, the demands, the unreasonableness, the whining, I’m struggling to have patience. The 248 times a day I hear ‘mummy’ over and over. I feel irritable and angry, by the time bedtime comes round I don’t even have it in me to help settle her. Of course I do, but I’m exhausted and just want my evening to relax, a little.
Dh is brilliant, he’s also struggling. DD has been pushing him away, not wanting daddy, only mummy.
ive just been cuddling her to sleep and having a little cry in the dark. I can literally feel something in me bubbling, anger, frustration I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s normal how I’m feeling.
DD is lovely and delightful and I love spending time with her, and when I reflect we’ve had a nice day but I just don’t understand why I feel so frustrated at bedtimes

How long have you been feeling angry for @cbbo and are you aware that it can be a symptom of post natal illness?

It’s only been the past few months, it’s a new thing so I think combined with general life stresses it’s all just too much

I’m where you are right now, lots going on in life and work plus a 2.5 year old who is just at a stage where she is very demanding, lots of tantrums, doesn’t listen to me etc…

i feel utterly and completely drained at the end of every day and the relief I feel when she is in bed and I can get some downtime is palpable. A degree of this I think is normal with all stressors combined together, it’s a lot! Keep an eye on yourself over the next few weeks and months and check you start to feel better as the burden eases. Make sure your partner is also sharing the load as much a practicable so you aren’t carrying everything yourself when you don’t need to.

My youngest is this age, it's really hard - all the big feelings, temper tantrums, refusing to go to bed, when out the house one of us has to constantly run after him or he'll try and jump in a pond or something. It's exhausting! Totally normal to feel frustrated, it does get easier 💐

I feel very similar OP. For us, the tantrums are daily at the moment. They also seem to have become more intense- i think she's tired from dropping her nap, plus we are doing potty training, so I know she has a lot going on. But man oh man is it exhausting and draining. You're giving them so much and there is so little left for you.

With the house move as well you have tons going on right now. You're doing amazingly well. Hang on because it will get better - she will grow up more and start to regulate her emotions and this phase in your life with the house move and childcare stress will also pass.

But do keep an eye on your mood so you determine whether how you're feeling is a phase, or whether you might need a little help (and there would be no shame in that).

Good luck x

Does your wee one still nap? Mine is in that really awkward transition phase where he gets cranky without his nap but then if he does have it we have no semblance of an evening as he won't go to bed, so might be worth dropping the nap for an earlier bedtime?

It's a real grind when all the bedtimes are on you. Did DH used to do some bedtimes before this recent bad patch? How is she with DH if you aren't there – if he takes her to the park, say, or is at home with her whilst you are out? Could you look at being out of the house some bedtimes for a bit (even if you're just sat in the car on the drive with a coffee and a book) to get her back into the habit of bedtime with Daddy?

If that's not possible, is there any way you can scrape out a little break for each of you? At least a weekend afternoon, ideally a whole weekend day, and a proper break doing something you enjoy, no catching up on chores allowed. Sometimes the wee break recharges you enough to keep going – even better if the next one is in the diary to look forward to.

During the day she’s mostly fine with him but it’s bedtime when she pushes him away, it happened out of nowhere. He really misses doing bedtime! I’ve gone out a few evenings recently and both bedtimes he’s done have been pretty awful but I can’t stop all other life events and be home to do allll bedtimes. She needs learn and understand daddy is just as capable

I really appreciate everyone’s comments thank you all x

That's really tough on all three of you. If he does bedtime regularly, say a couple times a week, it might get better quicker, as she and he can find a rhythm and she'll remember how thing go when it's Daddy rather than Mummy. The getting to that stage can be really rough, though – it's a bit pick your poison with going through that or sticking it out a bit longer with all the bedtimes on one person.

We also found it helped to warn them earlier in the day if I would be out in the evening. The time Daddy broke the news to DD1 on the way home from nursery did not go well...

Start a club or something in the evening or just get out yourself for a walk or cycle. Leave him to do bedtimes 2 or 3 nights a week at least. You need a break and you’re being dictated to by your 2 year old. Leave them to it and they’ll figure it out between them.