Leaving Clingy 3.5yo

[Aims17]

Hi :)

Me, DH and DS are currently living in the US for 2 years for DH’s work.

We don’t have any family out here but have a made a few friends, including a lovely couple who have 2 children aged 9 and 12.

Me and DH are seeing Oasis at the end of the month in NYC so we will be staying over for the night.

The couple mentioned above that we have made friends with have offered to look after our dogs while we are away and they have also said they will have our DS (3.5yo). They are really nice and DS has obviously met them and enjoys playing with their kids but I am very worried as he can be a bit grumpy and he is still very clingy with me, particularly at bedtime; he doesn’t even like DH to put him to bed. I would just feel awful if he was a nightmare and wouldn’t go to sleep/had a meltdown at bedtime etc, but we don’t really have an alternative.

It feels like we got the tickets for the gig so long ago and at the time we thought oh it’s ok we’ll have worked something out by then but now it’s happening, I am panicking!

DS has only ever been left with his grandparents a few times before as we’ve been lucky that we’ve never needed to ask anyone else.

He is a typical ‘threenager’ with tantrums and being difficult but I also feel like he is worse when me and DH are there as he doesn’t act up at nursery so think he might be ok with our friends? It’s bedtime that is panicking me mainly if he gets overtired and physically won’t let them put him to bed or something. My brain automatically goes to all the worst case scenarios 😂

Any words of comfort or advice welcome! TIA x

My Little girl was like this but what I did was start letting others put her to bed. I would nip out somewhere and my dh would put her to sleep. She would kick up a fuss at first but my dh would stay calm and remind her how lucky he felt being able to tuck her in and read her story.

We then started to have the one off random night out so my parents or siblings would put her to bed, just to get her used to it.
Start popping out somewhere so your dh does bedtime alone. That way your child can get used to it.

Might be a good idea for your little one to spend some time with your friends alone, just build it up slowly, and afternoon, then a meal time, put him to bed etc as staying the night with them alone for the first time will probably be a bit too much.

This couple sound so nice!

However, 3.5 is quite young to do a sleepover away from home.... could you ask one of them to come and stay the night in your home?

Who are the other people at this family's home - the other children, pets etc?

if you're going to leave your DS with them for a whole night, I wouldn't do it for the first time on the night when you're away - as the PP said above, build up to it by having some overnights away from you first.

I still think at this very young age it's better to have a (very) familiar babysitter to come and stay in your house.

Sorry I just saw that you already said the children in the other family are aged 9 and 12.

Thanks so much for the replies and suggestions😊

The potential babysitting family aren’t available for a sleepover before the concert sadly but we are planning to at least meet up with them and may try just leaving DS with them for a couple of hours.

We have now got another option but I’m not sure which we should do and my anxiety over it all is through the roof 🙈

So we are going to Oasis with our neighbours from the UK (they’re flying over for it) and will be spending time with them for a few days beforehand. They have a DS who is 5 and is friends with our DS - they know each other well being neighbours even though they haven’t seen each other for a few months.

Our neighbour’s mum is also coming and is looking after the 5 year old in the hotel while we’re all at the concert. They have also offered that she can look after our DS too and now I don’t know what to do… I would obviously much prefer for him to be with us, but if he gets overtired and upset, I worry that an 80 year old lady, who he has met a few times but doesn’t know really well, won’t be able to calm him down and I don’t want to cause distress for her or DS. We would take lots of things to distract him and we would say she doesn’t even have to attempt to get him to sleep so he wouldn’t kick off about that, but I can’t be sure he won’t have a meltdown before we get back because he wants us.

He has always hated being left with anyone else, even our parents who he knows so well and loves to bits. All you hear from him with regards to ANYONE is “no I want mummy”.

So now I don’t know what to do! 😭 I feel sick every time I have to think about it all!

Just start getting him used to being put to bed by his dad every other night. One step at a time. I’d suggest you join a gym or something so you have a reason to be elsewhere. Don’t make it into a huge thing for your son.

You probably don’t need to decide yet. Just say you’ll let them know ahead of time but can’t say yet.