Newborn & Toddler survival

[LMP1990Aqua]

Help, we have a 3 year old & a 3 week old & I feel like I will never cope on my own with them, how do people do it? Our 3 year old no longer naps & I’ve managed to birth a 2nd koala baby - that does not want to be put down & has started with colic.

We have no family near by & our friends all had their children several years ago (so are in a very different stage of life, work full time & are busy ferrying their children about to activities on the weekend)

Any tips to survive the next 12 months? (that’s how long it took our first to sleep 8 hour stretches)

What's the situation with the three year old? Are they in pre-school or nursery part of the week? This would be my first suggestion. Ideally, the same everyday so a routine can be established.

Routine is great for toddlers/pre-schoolers so they know what to expect. Try and create a routine for the three year old that isn't dependent/likely to be messed up by the baby.

Invest in toys/activities that the three year old can do independently and have a store so you can whip one out when needed.

Get a sling for the baby so they can come along to whatever is happening for the older one.

Thank you, Ive ordered the Ergobaby embrace sling, 3 year old attends a traditional pre-school, which is closed for the summer (was in private nursery but we moved & it was too far to justify) so he isn’t back into his routine until the 2nd week of September, he does 3 mornings (again this is due to the move & the pre-schools availability, he did 3 full days at his private nursery) I am on the list to increase 2 of his mornings to full days.

re: independent play, we’ve never persisted this with him as he’s been the centre of our attention, especially as there is no family close by…. Will definitely try and work on this with him, but fear it may now come across as us not wanting to play due to new baby.

His routine has gone to pot since I was about 8 months pregnant - again this is on me, I was/am still exhausted, so lots of lax parenting has occurred.

I promise it does get easier.

A sling/carrier is a great suggestion so you have hands free for toddler. I would also make sure you are getting out of the house every day with the two of them whether that's to have a picnic, go for a walk, to the local park, feeding the ducks etc. fresh air will be good for all of you and burn off some of the toddlers energy plus the time you are out means less time the toddler is making a mess in the house!

Go out everyday. There are 23 months between mine, that’s how I managed it.

I can remember little through the sleep deprivation, but it was little steps at a time. I started going out for walks with them and to park. I was shattered but got through somehow.

Then there was the great moment I offered to take a friends child with my two to the Christmas party and realised I was coping!

This would be my advice too. Also, forget housework, focus on survival

I had a 3 year old and newborn twins. If you can't get out at that age they can play picture pairs with you. Puzzles on their own. Picture bingo. Flash cards with colours, shapes and numbers and letters. You can do this while holding baby. Painting, play dough. Do they have animals or little people mine used to love standing them all up. A play farm. Nothing wrong with a bit TV I just don't agree with ipads. Mine loved Barney, Rosie and Jim. Even the old sesame Street is back on now lots of singing and learning. I think the older childrens programs are better than the ones on today more educational.

Might not be much help till September when things start up again, but I found it helpful to have groups/classes to take them to. Some groups might do family classes for mixed ages, and most toddler groups don't seem to mind if you bring a baby in a pram/sling along while the toddler joins in.

I found the routine helped because I didn't have to think about what we needed to do or where we could go, just it's Monday morning we're going to Music Bugs (or whatever).

Thank you everyone, I’m just so overwhelmed by the thought of it, husband goes back to work on Wednesday, I hated the sling with my first so I’m definitely projecting that onto my newborn - likely why it’s taken me 3 weeks to order one & like I said we haven’t nurtured independent play which I massively regret, even when toddler wants to do something on their own they still want a grownup sat next to them.

A lot of my worry is worsened by the fact all my closest friends either only had one or waited until their eldests were in school before having a second so I don’t have anyone I can ask “how did you cope” feeling isolated even though I have a large friendship group.

It's hard, but keeping busy saved me - we had 3 under 4 and I found that getting out of the house everyday (playgym, friends house, playgroup, park, even just to the local shop or for a walk etc) was the game changer. Previous posters have already mentioned a baby carrier so to reiterate, I'd have been lost without it.

2.5 and 13 weeks here. DD1 is at nursery 3 days a week and the two where she is home are looooong. She also dropped her nap about 3 weeks ago but isn’t really coping, which is challenging. The ergo embrace is fab!

My top tip is have a secret stash of something they can do quietly which will redirect them - for DD1 it’s stickers. So if she’s kicking off and I can’t distract her, I get a sheet of stickers, sit on the floor with the baby and start sticking them on paper. DD gets envious then we “share” with her, hand her the stickers and I sit on the floor with both children. The other thing is have somewhere safe to contain the baby on each floor of your house, so you can always put them down quickly if the toddler is doing something dangerous/toddler-y.

Definitely agree with getting out every day. Puddle walks, collecting pine cones, looking for feathers - anything at all. Oh, and always have a secret packet of biscuits to bribe the older one with.

Do you have neighbours with older children?

Most mums are on school WhatsApp groups. I think you should be able to find a mature teenager to come to yours for 3 hours 5 days a week for £100 per week.

Toddlers love someone fussing over them and many teenagers have experience with younger siblings. £300 will take you over until your toddler goes to nursery

You’re in the thick of it OP. I remember it being so difficult at times, but it gets easier and you will get into the swing of things very quickly.

Mine are all 22 months apart - 4, 2 and 4m. So it improved enough for me to do it again, and has been much easier this time as I’m used to having to split my attention.

My top tip is the sling. Babies 2 and 3 have basically lived in it. Baby 3 has had maybe 3 naps ever not in the sling. It means I can just carry on with what I need to do.

I also second the advice of getting out of the house as much as possible. I swear outdoor parenting is so much easier. Personally, I like to make sure we get out every morning (even if just to the park or a cafe so I can have a coffee whilst older two do colouring). This means that we are all up and ready for the day, and the first nap tends to be the most predictable. At least that way I’ve achieved something if it all unravels a bit in the afternoon.

Finally, can you try and find things to do that are kind of “contained”? Like soft play where you can sit with the baby. Or, maybe in a few weeks, take them swimming? My middle child is a bit more on the ball, but I remember my eldest would try and run off when I had to feed the baby so I know where all the fenced-in parks were.

Good luck - you’ve got this!! x

Would reading with your eldest one work?? Then they get your attention but you can still hold baby. Also Duplo Lego might be good for encouraging independent play. Hang in there it does get eastx

Join a gym with a creche
Put your 3 yo in nursery for the free hours
Get a baby sling for carrying newborn