How does anyone get ANYTHING done with a newborn?

[moondip]

My baby turned 4 weeks yesterday, and I am struggling to understand how anyone manages to stay on top of anything “normal” at this stage. I don’t mean anything excessive - just that I am barely able to shower, I don’t really get dressed/ready for the day as my boobs are wanted constantly (so it hardly makes sense to wear anything more than a vest on top), and I haven’t cooked a meal since she was born. My husband is helpful, but there’s little bits I’d at least like to be able to do like check my hair in the mirror from time to time or have the chance to put a proper outfit on! I think I’d just like the contrast occasionally… She’s what I’d describe as a “Velcro baby” in that she will only reliably sleep when bed-sharing (following Safe Sleep 7) after a side-feed, and 9 times out of 10 we can’t put her down for a nap anywhere during the day - she will just wake up. She doesn’t even like the sling, so I can’t have her in that while I try to do some self-care or minor bits around the house. I don’t really know what I’m looking for here other than some validation that I’m not crazy or lazy. Did others with such attached newborns also struggle to do anything other than be mum so early on? I have friends who have newborns they can put down for naps here and there, or that like the baby-wearing sitch, so they’re able to get out a bit more easily or keep on top of house stuff a bit better (or even deal with other children!).

@moondip you may think this is an insane idea but I felt so much better if I got showered and dressed for the day before my husband left for work. That way I could actually get myself together in one go with him watching the baby. Nothing ott just hair brushed, simple makeup and clean comfy clothes ready to slay the day.

He'd also prep the house for me before he left. Bottles washed, nappies stocked upstairs and downstairs. Everything felt so much easier when prepped for the day.
Things can decend into chaos so easily.

Also- get out of the house as much as you can.

Hope things get easier for you.

Yes I showered before my partner left for work and he did the same when he was on spl.
Shower and pack bag for the day then as soon as it would work with naps i'd be out of the house for the day

Four weeks is such a very short time. Some have given advice and I agree it does get easier but remember that four weeks is nothing! I had a baby like this, but he is 14 now. He would want to be fed all the time but I realised he was not getting enough milk. This isn’t a pros and cons feeding post, I’m just saying that things became easier when he was bottle fed as he was more settled.

So you are not crazy, or lazy. This is just normal and will have been the same for many others. When I had my second baby she had reflux and she just cried a lot and her routine (if you could call it that!) was led by her brother. That was hard work too.

lower your standards. Prioritise what is most important. Could you have a shower each day while your DH is around? See how you feel at 12 weeks and for now just go with the flow as thats enough

Thanks for the replies on this everyone. Here’s an update at 3 months:
I got mastitis which developed into a nasty abscess after I was palmed off basically by 3 GPs (one of whom didn’t even examine my breast?!). I was on IV antibiotics in hospital for 2 nights, separated from my daughter, and then had the abscess drained under local. That was over a month ago now, and that boob still isn’t the same. I was told at my follow-up breast clinic appointment that it could take months for the tissue to calm down. Prior to going into hospital we’d already switched to mixed feeding as my daughter couldn’t latch onto the affected side anymore due to the swelling there; the other side was taking the brunt of her (at that point undiagnosed and not even suspected by midwives, HV, GPs, etc.) tongue tie. I saw an IBCLC who was the first person to utter “tongue tie” when she saw how much pain I was in during a feed. Bearing in mind the midwife who was sent to me for antenatal BF support laughed tongue tie off as a myth, saying “we all have one.” (She didn’t know the difference between a normal and abnormal frenulum, apparently…) The support worker sent round when I was complaining of BF pain after I’d given birth, at around 2 weeks, didn’t examine DD’s mouth or mention tongue tie as a possibility worth exploring at all. While in the thick of it during those first few weeks I was so exhausted, struggling with MH stuff, and unable to advocate for myself as I normally would, so it didn’t cross my mind to explore the tongue tie route before the IBCLC mentioned it. By that point we’d already gotten into mixed feeding. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I’m making the point because it’s the same NHS midwives and such that push BF at every possible moment that let us down on that front. Anyway, since DH and my parents have been able to help out with some feeds my sleep and self-care has gotten back on track. I just feel sad that I lost the chance to have more BF even if not EBF at this point. DD still latches, especially for comfort, and I’m pumping enough milk that she’s probably getting about 20% to a third of her feeds as breast milk, but she’s definitely developed a bit of bottle preference now. Despite the residual pain and disappointment I feel on this front, I’m definitely a much more whole person and mum than I felt at the point of writing the post. I get out frequently with DD, have managed well (thanks to my parents’ support) while DH has been on several unforeseen work trips abroad totally more than a month of her short life(!), and have even taken DD to Wales for a couple of nights just us two. All things that felt unimaginable “in the trenches.” Becoming a mum has been the most humbling experience of my life - realising that no matter your accomplishments elsewhere, or how sorted a person you might imagine yourself to be, your world and sense of self can be utterly rocked when the hormones are coursing (while you can’t always rely on DH or health workers to know what’s right/do what’s best for you). Power to all the incredible women out there who have done this since the dawn of humans!!!

I should say, we got the tongue tie divided about a week after I was discharged from the hospital for my abscess. I kid you not that the difference was immediate. Within 30 seconds of the division being performed DD was given to me for a feed, and suddenly the pain wasn’t there!

Baby wearing. I was on my own so had no choice (then Dh was abroad with work) oh and it’s ok to put them down and them cry for short periods