5yo birthday party ok to ask books for presents?

[JMGSinging]

Hi my oldest DS will start reception in September, and his birthday will be in October. We are planning to invite his whole class plus family and friends, so ~40 kids in total. I can’t face bringing home 40 presents as there are too many toys in the house already and we have no more storage space. Would it be socially acceptable to ask for a book instead of a toy? How would you put it in the invite? I was also very tempted to make it a book exchange party, so every kid will leave with a book from someone else and I won’t have to make 40 party bags 🙈 I just hate all the plastic tats in the typical party bags. I’m not sure if I should do something different like this given that it will be his first party with the new classmates, or should I just follow what most kids party’s like re presents and party bags. Appreciate your opinions!

Book swap would be better included as a party activity, not as a substitute for a party bag. You’d have a lot of disappointed 4&5 year olds, and I imagine most will remember this in time at his party next year. It could negatively impact him.

We’ve had lots of party bags without tat… probably one of the cheapest was

x Box of 24 crayons, an A5 blank pages notebook, sheet of stickers, sweets and a slice of birthday cake.

Do something like this, kids still get their party bags, you’re not giving out loads of tat. Parents will love it!

You can’t really request specific gifts, you can do a no presents party. ‘No gifts required but a card would be lovely’ is sort of thing we get on invites. But most will still bring gifts, I know from the no presents parties we’ve been to no present parties, like others that are in a hall or at home there seems to be a natural point they open gifts, it’s usually taken as code for craft stuff that gets used up!

Edited to say: we have had a handful of people give out books, sweets and a slice of birthday cake. But you can’t ask people to bring the books for it!

A book and perhaps some sweets is a great alternative to party bags at that age, and definitely more common for slightly older children however I dont think you can state no presents on a whole class party where the majority of children and parents you won't know.

You could instead encourage family and friends to buy experiences, or to give money towards a bigger present if you want to limit toys.

No you can't tell other parents what to bring. Some people will do their own things anyway. It doesn't feel like it now but they don't actually have many parties in the long run, especially not whole class ones, my DD only had one in the end and that is a special memory of her friends bringing her gifts. Generally people give small things, we got things like sweets, little play sets and craft sets, nothing big, you're overthinking it. Buying the present for a friend's party is really fun for the invited child too. Some kids don't get invited to many parties and choosing a present and getting a party bag in return is a huge part of the experience. They love the party bags so much.

A book + some sweets is a fine alternative for a party bag. The book exchange thing is just confusing and making work for people. Remember that some people might be on a tight budget and/or may have bought a generic selection of party gifts in advance rather than shopping individually for each invite. It’s also pretty poor form to demand specific presents whatever that may be and you also risk coming across as a massive killjoy. The class party phase doesn’t last that long. Just gratefully take whatever presents you get, you’re quite unlikely to get anything massive as most people don’t spend that much and besides you can always have a bit of a clear out after if you do find you’re overrun with stuff.

Don’t do that. You’ll come across as hard work and the children will much prefer the next class party with the standard sweets, stickers and bubbles party bags.

Personally I don’t think you can stipulate what other people buy as a gift.

I can remember thinking omg at the pile of presents dd got at her 5th bday party but actually there were some lovely things in there that dd really loved.

If there was stuff dd wasn’t keen on or she had already it went a box to be regifted to someone else.

Giving kids books instead of a party bag is a sweet idea though.

A book exchange sounds great but now will your son feel about that?

You could just say that to the friends / school friends coming and let family get him a gift so he's got some things

I was all for it - thinking wow great idea!!

But actually this post gets it. Kids are little for such a short time and the party really is for them.

This.

Ime you won't have 40 kids turn up. 30 maybe. Alot of gifts given are smaller things like colouring books, sticker books etc. Or may be duplicates of what they already have. Be clever about it when they unwrap and put some away. Either sell, re gift or give to chairty (christmas toy gift appeals). For friends and family attending you can guide them more on gifts to reduce unwanted items. I also often get people ask if there's anything they want when rsvping so you can also have some prepared responses there to help for smaller actually wanted items.

Party bags don't have to be plastic tat. You don't even have to put them in plastic bags. We've had all sorts that have been loved. Seed bombs, plaster shape painting kits, book and some sweets, a sticker book and some sweets. All very loved. If anything the rare one we've had with stereotypical party bag fillers in are least liked.

Agree with this, party bags don't need to be OTT. For 5 year olds they'll be delighted with sweets, bubbles and stickers or temporary tattoos.

Your poor son. So he gets a load of books. Not any toys /presents etc

I love books as does mini blondes but she /I wouldn’t want 30/40 of them

if people ask can you say if ok with you

he’s saving up for xyz and pop £5 in card

loves drawing so pens /art stuff

jigsaws /games /making stuff

party bags yet I get you don’t went tat but that’s half the fun and they are 5/6

bur could do

sweet cone
bubble wand
packet of seeds
book

Yep, the downside of large parties! DS had the same. Took ages to open and most of it we ended up selling on Vinted as it wasn’t things he would play with. We haven’t done it again!

Pre loved book exchange yes… alongside a small token present (no more than £5)
or put in the invite “child a would prefer books, clothes or art and craft bits as appose to toys this year please”

partybags should be simple… slice of cake, small pack of haribo/chocolate buttons, cut out a tattoo from a sheet, sticker sheet, book mark. Temu is your friend for the last three!

After years of attending all sorts of birthday parties…children are excited to receive presents, children are excited to hand a present to their friend, children are obsessed with party bags…the end.

Cast your mind back to when you were that little…you want presents, a piece of cake and a party bag, right?

No need to over-complicate things 🥳

In a word - no.

It's not alright to dictate what parents buy as a gift.

It's not alright for you to decide that you don't want whatever people have chosen to give your child, that for whatever reason that's not good enough for you.

It's not alright for you to decide that your child's party is all about what you want and what is convenient to you.

If you do a party, it's about your child and their guests - about giving them a good time within your own personal budget.

Same. We’ve had books given to us as we’ve left or wrapped up or chosen our own. I much prefer it to a party bag!

Compromise. As others have quite rightly said, kids love party bags of rubbish and generally this is expected at a party. At a minimum, a selection of sweets (using paper sweet bags) and a piece of cake is a good alternative and still leaves the kids happy.

With presents, one year we suggested a £5 book voucher which most parents were delighted to get and we ended being able to buy a selection of new books.

We went to a 5th birthday party a couple years ago dubbed as a “fiver party” for which the party invite had a lovely note explaining that they were teaching their child the concept of saving up and waiting for a larger big ticket item & they were excited for this. They said no gifts were expected but if people wanted to give a gift then a £5 in a card was greatly appreciated.

I thought it was a lovely idea.