NICU stay and older kids

[wingingit1987]

Just looking for tips on juggling a NICU stay when you have other children. Our son is currently in NICU with RDS and pneumonia, on a ventilator. This is day 5 and I was discharged home yesterday. Son was born at 38+4 and this secondary to Gestational diabetes- so it’s been a shock to us all and we are first timers for a NICU baby. We have 5 older children and with it being the school hols, they are all home at the moment except my 4 year old who is still going to nursery. 2 of my children have autism also. How did everyone manage to balance life in the house and visiting NICU? Realistically I will only have help with childcare during the day til early next week, as luckily my mum took annual leave this week (round about my induction) and my sister is off work (Scottish school hols and she is teacher but her in service days resume next week). After that, we will only have help for maybe 2 hours in the evening from next week. Husband is on paternity leave still thankfully. I think it will be a case of me going for a few hours during the day and then husband and I maybe going to together from teatime til bedtime in the evenings. It feels so inadequate though- I feel like I won’t be there enough, although the older kids will definitely benefit from me being around more than I have the last few days. We are also navigating expressing BM for the first time- seasoned breastfeed we bur never used a pump before, so I’m still in that tired phase of pumping every 2-3hrs.

Any hint/tips/advice?

So sorry your little one is poorly. DD1 was in NICU with GBS sepsis for two weeks and although she was our first, we saw lots of other parents on the unit juggling older children and NICU stays.

Their approach was very much like it sounds you are planning - there during the day, would go home again for older DC tea / bath / bed and often would tag team again in the evening presumably once the older DC were asleep. Its really hard, especially when you are recovering as well. The staff were very conscious of who had older children at home and spent lots of time / extra cuddles (when possible) with those babies.

Have they hospital loaned you a proper pump? They should also have an expressing room so you can express whilst at the hospital without having to bring all your pumping equipment with you each time.

You can ask if they have an online system - ours did this thing where they would upload a photo of the baby at certain points in the day for you to log in and see if you were away from the uni.

Have they given you muslin / fabric squares? If so, wear them in your bra each day and then put them in baby's incubator when you are not there. Baby will be able to smell you.

You may also find the stay isn't as long as you expect. Once DD1 was uprated from NICU to SCBU, they basically wanted her out ASAP. For us, feeding was an issue and delayed our discharge as it all affected my supply, she wasnt gaining etc. If you've successfully fed 4 other DC, you may not have that problem and providing baby gets sorted with latching, you might get home quicker than expected.

Please also take care of yourself. I did not and it held back my recovery. If your mum / sister cant help with childcare, could they drop off some food for you (like a big lasagne / cottage pie etc) to at least take the pressure off cooking? If not, i also recommend filling your freezer up with ready meals or from Cook Food so you can grab something when you get in from the hospital.

Hopefully someone with personal experience of older DC will be along. Good luck and hope baby is home soon!

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes they have gave me a breast pump which has helped a lot. I also have the little fabric squares to put in my bra for him. Today was a much better day and he is off ventilation- still on high flow oxygen but I’m so happy. I’m hoping this is things beginning to turn a corner.

I also used the fabric squares that had been with the baby to smell when expressing as the baby smell would encourage let down… maybe I was just a bit weird!

How far do you live from the hospital? How long is DP on paternity leave? Can you visit in shifts? Our DC2 was in NICU for six weeks but thankfully DC1 was in full time nursery and we lived close to the hospital and nursery. I hope your DC makes a swift recovery!

They encouraged me to do that too!

I’m about 20 mins from hospital but don’t drive. Husband can drive though. Family have been helpful with lifts for me though. I think we will be doing it in shifts over the next week while. Husband is off for 4 weeks.

Remember about the new neonatal leave laws, OP! Will post a link but it gives you and your DH a week extra leave / pay for every week your baby is in neonatal care. Your DH should check what his employer is offering (some employers top it up to full pay from the legal statutory)

Edit to add link - https://www.gov.uk/neonatal-care-pay-leave#:~:text=You%20can%20get%20one%20week's,parental%20pay%20and%20leave%20entitlements.