Have posted on here a number of times in desperation due to my 3.6 DD refusal to poo anywhere but in her pants and finally we have a breakthough which I thought might be worth sharing (not in a smug show-off way but in a ' i understand what its like to go through more pants per week than P Diddy way)....
DD1 is 3y 6 and was potty trained (after several aborted attempts) in October last year shortly before she was three. I had been told that when they are ready, it's a quick process and it just 'clicks' and initially that was my experience in October. Within 2 days all wees and poos were being proudly deposited in the potty to much fanfares and trumpetting. But and this is where the story takes a turn, 5 days into the process DD1 decided she wasn't going to poo anywhere but in her pants (and not tell us) or in her nighttime nappy. Now I did my research and read that this can be a common problem with children with constipation but dd1 has never been constipated and is a regular 2 times a day type gal. So for the next few months we gently encouraged in every way we could think and went with the flow and didn't make big deal about it to her. No progress. So after christmas, we decided to back off completely which we did for three months. No progress.
After throwing away multitudes of pants which were beyond saving, in April we decided to tackle again. Went and discussed situation with HV who was of the opinion that DD1 (who is v v v wilful) was using this situation to control (as I had secretly suspected). She said as we had tried reward, we need to introduce an element of punishment into the process. Was a bit sceptical about this so came up with the following ploy (which came initially from a message on here a while back so I don't take any credit for originality).
I went to Hennes and bought lots of pink trinket-y things that I knew dd1 covets. I put them all in a large tupperware box which I decorated and taped shut (so things could be seen but not touched). the next morning I showed dd1 the box and explained that a princess (her fantasy, not mine, I'd prefer a mythical fireman any day) came by and left this box for her because she knew she was ready to do her poos on the toilet. We told her that for every poo she did on the toilet she could choose one treat but for every poo she did in her pants the princess would come back every night (i.e. mummy would stay up past the Bill) and take back one treat to give to other girls who did do their poos on the toilet. WIthin 24 hours she had produced 3 poos on the toilet!!!!!
That was around 6 weeks ago and although we have had a few relapses here and then (touch wood) we seem to be on track. She is now just down to a sticker chart with a small reward at the end of every week if she doesn't have any accidents.
I can't say for certain that this was the trigger but i'm positive it's not coincidence that when she was no longer doing it for us (or feeling the pressure to) she was quite happy to do it the 'princess'' . The beauty is that she feels in control but is actually doing what we want her to do...
A bonus has been that as soon as she started to do poos on the toilets she choose to give up the night time nappy and we have only had one wet bed.
I have resisted posting this story for fear of tempting fate and I'm not suggesting it's a solution for everyone but if you were in the same position as I was, you may give anything a go!
Good luck and hope this helps someone!