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Struggling with son

2 replies

whathappened25 · 07/08/2025 07:14

DS10 used to be such a lovely boy, easy going, cheery, well behaved. Lately though, I’ve been really struggling with his behaviour. Examples include:

  • Never wanting to leave the house, moaning when I do insist we go out.
  • Name calling - yesterday he called me an “idiot” and he is always saying to his younger sister to “shut-up” which I hate.
  • Being mean to his younger sister. If she goes in his room, he can’t stand it. He often hits and kicks her.
  • Teeth brushing - He often gets into bed to read before brushing his teeth. I constantly having to ask him to go and do it but it becomes a battle.

He is a middle child (1 of 4) so I get that he might feel left out sometimes and that his younger sister gets more attention. I try to treat them all fairly and that’s easier now his sister is older.

I work full time and I have shared childcare with his Dad 50/50. Prior to our divorce, I was the primarily caregiver. Dad and I are on bad terms.

I always correct name calling by saying something along the lines of “it is unacceptable to call people names”.

If he hurts his sister, a consequence such as loss of a privilege and he will have to say sorry / make it up to her.

I’m just worried about what is causing all this behaviour, it seems like he is unhappy. He absolutely won’t talk about his feelings.

We don’t have much time one on one but him and I tend to be the first up, so he asks to play games with me which I normally do if time. He is lovely then and really enjoys the time together.

Please help! My boy needs help but I don’t know what to do.

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Octavia64 · 07/08/2025 08:02

In this situation although he clearly shouldn’t be hitting or kicking his younger sister I would be saying that bedrooms are private space and (unless he shares) his younger sister should stay out of his room unless he says she can come in.

i’d be concerned she’s essentially provoking him to make conflict. (My DD did the same with my DS). Things improved once they had separate space.

what sort of things is she saying to him when he tells her to shut up? If it’s name calling etc then you may need to addrsss her behaviour as well as his.

whathappened25 · 07/08/2025 08:28

He just gets annoyed if she talks to much, she isn’t saying anything offensive.

i am trying to reinforce she can’t go in there. My son shares with his older brother though and he doesn’t mind his little sister going in. So it is a bit awkward but I’ve made it clear she is not allowed in if her brother asks her to leave.

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