Husband taking son away for 2 nights - Can’t stop crying!

[Biosblbay]

I posted about 2 weeks ago about my husband taking my son away for a few nights, quite a long distance away and that I felt very anxious about it, especially as he cannot communicate very well just yet (he will be 3 in September) and he is very set in his ways, loves routine, doesn’t really like new things, can get car sick, fussy etc, I am just so worried he won’t enjoy himself, but after the very fair and valid responses I decided to let my husband take him. I am just so attached to my son and I have never been away from him before other than when he goes to nursery which is only 2 days a week. The closer it is getting the harder it is for me, they go Friday morning by, I just feel sick, my anxiety is so bad and I can’t stop crying! I did have a baby 3 weeks ago so could also be hormones in the mix, but I just feel like I can’t let go 😩😭 I feel so silly and stupid.

My question is to all Mums, have you ever felt like this before when your first born or any child has left home without you? I just feel like I should be excited for him but I’m not, I just feel like I don’t want to let him go but I know I have to!

Oh god.
You can’t hold them back over your issues. Let them go and have fun!

Agree with PP. Don’t curtail your DS’s life because of your own anxieties.

I would love my partner to take our son away solo!
I've done 2 little trips just me and him, and it was such a lovely time.
Great for bonding.

I hope you can relax and enjoy the time with just your new baby, and son and DH have a great time.
I'm sure after this first time apart it will get easier.

Sure i missed my child bit crying wont help your other child of you really are i would seek help

Actually if you had a baby 3 weeks ago it seems like odd timing to be left on your own. What are they off to do?

It’s the hormones OP don’t worry x

No, I miss dds but ammeter upset. Dh has taken them on a few holidays, only for 2-3 nights but they have a great time and I know they are safe. Get yourself lots of snacks and easy meals in and enjoy spending some time with your newborn and your ds can enjoy a lovely trip with his dad.

This. When are they going? Leaving you with a newborn alone isnt reasonable if avoidable.

Agree with this. 3 weeks is still quite new for your DH to be leaving the you and baby. The toddler will be fine.

I disagree, it was a hard transition for me from 1-2 and I think being left just with DD2 I would have been able to relax and focus on bonding with her rather than feeling torn between both DD’s.

Agree with PP’s though, this will be great for your son and it’s good you are overcoming your own issues so he can go off with his dad and have a great time. They’re way more resilient & open to change than we think!

When you say my husband is taking MY son away do you mean your husband isn’t your son’s biological father, is he a step dad?

Nope, I went to Australia for 2 weeks when my first was 16 months. It was great! I love them, but I don’t need to be with them all the time. They need to develop independence, and Dh needs to parent fully and independently from me.

We have long taken them away without the other. I’ve gone to Spain and Italy with them and without Dh. Dh has taken them to France. He’s taking them 4 hours away to Wales this weekend for 3 nights and I’ll be waving them off to spend my weekend with the dog and a book.

The first time I was away from my son was when he was 2.5 years old and my husband took him to Spain for 8 days.

I was an emotional wreck the night before they left, to the point where I said to my DH that I couldn’t cope and they couldn’t go.

I then realised I was ruining what would have been an amazing experience for them both just because I was anxious about being away from my son.

In the end they went, and when they left for the airport I was very tearful. I felt awful for about two days, the house was so quiet and it felt so unnatural to not have my son with me but by day 3-4 I started to settle and I realised how lovely it was to have some time to myself.

I video called my son/DH twice a day, I was sent constant photos and they had an AMAZING time!!!

Ever since then my husband and our children go abroad twice a year (sometimes three times a year if there are lots of cheap last minute deals about), for anywhere between 10 days up to 3 weeks and it is now the norm for our household.

They have a wonderful time together and I have a lovely time enjoying the peace and quiet.

Anyway, back to my point. You are allowed to be upset OP, but don’t ruin this opportunity for them both. Just take deep breaths and you’ll get through it fine.

@LondonLady1980 thank you for this! ❤️ I am going to miss him so much but my husband is a great Dad to our boy and I know he will be safe. I just worry about anything that could go wrong and I’m not there. It’s my little brain in overload thinking what if. Spain is very very brave of you, but you’re right, they need the alone bonding time for sure!

@WaitingforCoddy they are camping for 2 nights and will be 4 hours away by car, going to a hill climb race. One reason why I am so anxious about this trip as it’s all new to our son, he has never been camping, never been around loud cars, going to also be with his grandad he has only met twice so it’s all very new and I am worried he won’t enjoy it, be too loud, be too busy, too much for him, won’t be able to sleep in a tent etc, but this is my own anxieties and he could be absolutely fine. But I do have my mum with me for support if I need help with baby x

Your worrying & nervousness is no good for your son. Is it your son who likes all these ‘routines, not new things, etc or is it really you??
Honestly I think you are setting him up for failure by being so irrational. You say how close you are - he is only 3; you’re putting huge amounts of pressure on him. My grandma was like this, a nervous wreck, and my dad’s brother grew up and pretty much cut her off because he found her so oppressive and restrictive. When your son grows up he will have choices- don’t impose your way of being on him because it will do him (nor you) any favours.

How lovely he gets some quality time with his dad at 3- it’s the perfect age for exploring.

@Biosblbay you say he won’t like the noise, the cars, the experience- ok so imagine he hates it. So what??? it’s one or two days. He’ll realise he’s doesn’t enjoy it this time. It won’t kill him.
When have you had to do/experience something you don’t like? How did you manage? Did you survive it? How do you handle that… do you think your son will never ever do/see/experience something he doesn’t like in the world???
You must be able to see that’s completely ridiculous and that he’s going to have many many days and events in his life that he doesn’t enjoy or finds stressful. Your job is to teach him to do those things and find ways to cope and then do them again if he has to next time. Your approach will cause him to fail because you’re just keeping him away from the negative things; it’s not sustainable as he grows up..