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Am I a bad parent if?

10 replies

Talulabells88 · 06/08/2025 13:48

Hi so I have a 15 and 14 year old daughter they have both been naughty for the past couple of months my 14 year old more so she is completely out of control doesnt listen does what she wants doesn't listen to rules goes and has fights with people and arguing daily with people she doesnt return home to the point where I have to ring the police and things are that bad I've rang social services for help with them both but my 14 year old more so as the 15 year old will conform and listen to rules but has her blips mainly when she goes out with the 14 year old, so we have a family holiday booked to salou the end of August for 10 days and have warned them if you dont behave your not going (I've already sold their motorcross bikes so they cant do motorcrossing anymore to prove a point im not playing games anymore as I literally do not know what else to do) so my 14 year old has been told she is definitely not coming on the holiday as she is still not behaving and doing what she wants and so many friends amd family members have said she doesnt deserve to go blah blah but my mum guilt keeps getting the better of me and I keep hoping she will change in time to com but I think its gone to far now where there is no redeeming herself to come on the holiday with us as she will definitely miss behave when we are there and ruin it and I'll be on edge the whole 10 days wondering what shes going to do but like I said my mum guilt is eating away at me for having to leave her behind and go without her. Does it make me a bad parent to take our other 4 children and not her? We cancelled the whole holiday last year because none of them was behaving and im not doing that this year it isn't fair to my 5 and 4 year old to miss out on their holiday because the big 3 who are old enough to know better dont want to behave and I just know my 14 year old is going to resent me for not taking her but taking the other 2 big ones when they have misbehaved but not to the extent she has and they've apologised and are now towing themselves into line but she is still unruley and out of control even when shes been told she won't be coming on the holiday shes said she dont care (even though I know she does) but I just need re assurance and advice from strangers that it doesn't make me a bad parent because im having a really hard time thinking about leaving her behind even though I know deep down she doesnt deserve to go.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
IcyMint · 06/08/2025 13:53

Yes.

Never threaten something which isn’t a good idea to carry out. Consequences need to be immediate and limited. If you tell her now she can’t go on holiday and you’re rejecting her in favour of the other kids (this is what it will feel like) then she has not incentive to behave between now and then.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 06/08/2025 13:55

Leaving them home leaves you wide open to ss involvement if they get into trouble while you are away..

shellyleppard · 06/08/2025 13:56

Op who will the 14 year old stay with while you are away

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Campingisnexttogodliness · 06/08/2025 13:57

Ime it is easy to not realise teens need support and time spent when you are tied up with little dc...
Maybe draw up a rota until the holidays to give them chance to step up? WiFi and money needs earned.

Talulabells88 · 06/08/2025 14:43

She will be staying with a family member at my home

OP posts:
Talulabells88 · 06/08/2025 14:45

Ss are aware she will not be coming on the holiday because of her bad behaviour since last year and who she will be staying with at my home I wouldn't be leaving her alone

OP posts:
Talulabells88 · 06/08/2025 14:55

shellyleppard · 06/08/2025 13:56

Op who will the 14 year old stay with while you are away

She will be staying with a family member at my home

OP posts:
Talulabells88 · 06/08/2025 14:56

Campingisnexttogodliness · 06/08/2025 13:55

Leaving them home leaves you wide open to ss involvement if they get into trouble while you are away..

Ss are aware she will not be coming on the holiday because of her bad behaviour since last year and who she will be staying with at my home I wouldn't be leaving her alone

OP posts:
Campingisnexttogodliness · 06/08/2025 15:10

Imo your relationship will never recover and you will have many years of regrets.
As the adult it really is up to you to find way to navigate their teen years... It isn't bloody easy I agree... My dc number 10 is 16. Life is no picnic...

nameobsessed · 06/08/2025 15:12

I don’t think you’re a bad parent of course, but it’s not the choices I would’ve made.

I think teens especially need grace and the opportunity to connect rather than being pushed away when they act up. You risk her being a self fulfilling prophecy, acting like her bad behaviour, on her bad days, makes her a bad kid.

I would take the teens on the holiday and make a concerted effort to spend one on one time with them, talking and bonding without the little ones if possible. Involve yourself in whatever they want to do, their interests and their lives and the connection will be better and as a consequence usually the behaviour is better. It’s not rewarding bad behaviour but a fresh start where everyone agrees to try their best to communicate and improve relationships.

I’ve worked with troubled teens, I was a troubled teen and that’s what I’d do if I had a troubled teen.

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