His son is too much

[NotImpressed300]

My DP has an 8 year old son who stays with us half the week and with DP’s ex the other half. When SS is with us he has to have my DP’s constant attention. I understand this is their time together and it’s special to them, but my DP cannot even go to the toilet without SS appearing after 30 seconds. He has to have my DP sleep in the bed with him. My DP cannot do anything without SS constantly clinging. We cannot have a conversation without SS butting in. SS has to have constant attention and constant junk food. My DP let’s SS have everything as they feels bad if they don’t. This child is becoming rude, unkind and entitled if they don’t get what they want. I understand their time together is precious, but the child is always there like a shadow not allowing anyone else to have DP’s attention. I’m beginning to dread having him around and I don’t want to feel this way. I can’t mention it as DP thinks son can do no wrong and is a sweet boy. Help!

That's not a problem kid, that's a problem DP. Cut him loose.

I’d leave. If your dp is happy to let things go this way then you’re fighting a losing battle. If you can address the issue and support him to help his son feel more secure whatever it takes, that’s the ideal but if dad doesn’t want change then what’s the point.

What they ^^ said. This is going to end badly. Leave now.

Could the SS be feeling insecure because of his parents split l wonder .

Move out . You can still date if you want to , just don’t live together . It works for many couples .

Was he not like this before you moved in or is it a recent change in his behaviour?

Sounds like the relationship isn't going to work out.

A lot of what you describe doesn't sound that unusual with an 8 year old who is feeling insecure. It sounds like you and your DP are completely misaligned in terms of how SS should be parented. Your DP wont change. SS may get less clingy but he does only see his Dad half the week so maybe they will always be like this during their time together.

We can't, we're not allowed, he has to have... no, OP he doesn't. His dad should be the one in charge. Children like firm limits, held kindly and consistently.

How long have you been living with DP and how long ago did DP split from the other parent?

I don't think DP is doing the child any favours by spoiling him, but depending on the answers to those questions it might make some sense as to why the son is being like that, and also why DP feels guilty setting boundaries.

edit- and is he DPs biological child?

The only answer is not to be with people who already have children. I wouldn’t want to deal with someone else’s shit parenting in my home.

Your DP isn't doing his son any favours. It's one thing to be give him reassurance and attention, but he needs to stop giving him junk food and letting him get away with rudeness.

Sounds like a fad that doesn’t know how to parent. Don’t waste your time. He’ll be expecting you to do it for him

I don’t get at all how this is difficult or requiring strangers to help.
you’re not happy. And who would be?!? you have a shit time half the time, and you’ve found out he’s a lazy parent, so hardly appealing as a person either. So leave the situation.

i couldn’t be arsed with this.
Whose is the house?

I couldn’t date someone who was such a pathetic parent. I’m a step mum, I love my husband to death but if he’d pulled any of the crap you describe I’d have gone off him in a heartbeat. How long have you been living together? Was there no sign of this behaviour before you moved in?

Also OP, do you want children yourself? Because it doesnt sound like DP is someone you'd enjoy sharing parenthood with!

Can't you live separately and see him when he doesn't have his son staying.

Everyone has conveniently decided that the DP is a shit parent based on the OP’s version of events. OP is basically pissed off because she wants her partner to herself which I get.

None of us know anything about this DC. He sounds like an insecure little boy and the last thing he needs is dad’s glowering girlfriend.

I’m on your side here OP. This won’t work because it’s not your place to parent a problem child and why should you have to. Cut this one loose and find someone without DCs.

Disney dad… doesn’t parent

You haven’t hit the teen years yet!

it won’t change until a teen but could get worse in a different manner… you have to decide what you want from your relationship but the kid is here to stay

True but it’s all moot and irrelevant. OP doesn’t like the kid or the husband’s way of dealing with him. Time to leave.