Autumn born child losing friends starting reception

[RiverbankWest]

Just interested to hear how this has gone for other autumn born kids. My DS is November born and loads of kids who he currently plays with, and are just a few months older than him, are leaving his nursery to start reception.
I can't really explain to an almost 4 year old that an arbitrary date cut off is why he is no longer going to see these kids every day.
I did consider sending him to the preschool attached to the nearest primary, but it wasn't feasible because many local holiday clubs won't take under 5s, so we'd have no holiday childcare options if we moved him.
He does at least have one close friend who is autumn born and in the same boat, but it feels like this is going to be the longest academic year ever. DS is already acting up a bit due to the changes at nursery (a few kids had their last days already as they are going away for August).

I think it’s slightly inevitable (sorry!). DD was in a similar situation (she’s now just finished reception), and we still saw some of her older nursery friends for a bit… but they do mature a lot in school, and lives diverge. We still see people we live very close to At the park etc, but they’re no longer her besties.

She adapted fine and made friends with the kids in her year group, which is more helpful long term.

You can just explain that they're now old enough to go to Reception and next year he will be. He will soon fill the gap with other children in nursery.

It's good you didn't move him. The reception children aren't likely to play with the nursery children at the school. They might not even have the same play ground or play times.

@Zonder they actually have a separate playground for nursery and reception at the local primary school, but it would just be delaying the issue, as his slightly older nursery friends would all move into the main playground once they got to year one.

@ooooohlala yes, we all live very close so he frequently runs into them at our two local parks with playground, so I suppose it's not as if he'll never see them again. Part of the issue is that most of the slightly older kids who are leaving are girls.

I know new kids will join his nursery in September after the older ones leave, but I think it's highly unlikely many of them will be 4 year olds joining for just a year. Any new joiners are more likely to be a year or more younger (the nursery has a 2-5 room).

So my DS will be going from a mixed environment, where half of his regular playmates were girls, to one that's dominated by boys. He's an only child and I think the mix was good for him.

We're the same but reverse. Most of DD friends are doing another year in nursery but shes going to school in August. All I can say is if you're friends with the parents, arrange play dates. That's what im planning to do with one of her pals that she's friends with.
Depending on the child, they would make friends fairly quickly. I was very worried at first but when I saw DD making friends in the park or on holiday, I didnt feel worried at all because I knew she would make friends again in school.
I would try and keep in contact with your childs friends parents from nursery, bonus if theyre going to the same school and if not, its not the end of the world, can arrange play dates at the weekend.

Ah @RiverbankWest we were in this situation 13 years ago. DS has an early Sept birthday, his good nursery friend was only 2 weeks older, but August birthday. Friend was 4, and started school a few days later. A few days after that DS was 4 and started school…. A year later! Loads of new kids (not previously at the nursery) started in the preschool room at that time though. DS soon made other friends. As a pp has noted, once children start school, their lives diverge from those at nursery a bit.

Children make friends much easier at age 4/5. He will move on and play with other children. True friendships between children don't really develop until a few years later. At age 3-6 they do just play with whoever is available that likes the same things as them. In a nursery class this might end up being the same children each day. So it's friendship of sorts, but one they are able to move on from easily. Adults add a whole load of emotional connection which simply isn't there between young children usually. Don't try to fix this, he will link up with others in time and then make a whole bunch of his own new friends in his own cohort when he starts reception in 2026.

He’ll be fine. And once they get to Y1/2 there is ime much more mixing and matching with extra curriculars and so on that he may pick these friendships back up.

Exactly as @3teens2cats says - don’t overthink this, he will be fine. More than fine really - it’s a massive advantage in primary to be autumn born.

It’s a shame you couldn’t put him in the preschool attached to the school as we found this a really good solution for our autumn born child, but all nurseries will be used to dealing with kids in your child’s situation as it happens every year.

New ones will be starting in September and he’ll make friends with those children and they’ll be fast friends and start school together next year. He’ll also catch up with old friends. My ds has a friend who stayed at nursery when he started school. Once the friend started the next year, they were back to playing together every day. Kids are very resilient. It’s just a bit bumpy while they go through the transition.

I’d say the arbitrary cut off’ explanation is very easy at this particular time of year.

‘The children who are 4 in September go to school. Grace is 4 so she’s off to school, you’re 3 so you stay at nursery and go next year when you’re 4. Another year playing with the water table and the cars - yay! Yes, you’ll get to be at school again with Grace next year, that’ll be nice.’

Honestly he will be fine.

This was my daughter last year. Honestly it was fine. I think as parents we can side-step a lot of drama by just not placing too fine a point on these things.

For example, my daughter is now going up to reception and the amount of handwringing on the group chat about kids not being in the same class as their nursery pals. Just don’t tell them ahead of time! They’ll soon settle with their new cohort.

I love this way of handling it. Factual and upbeat.

I would not push play dates with the older children just for the first few weeks, let him try to make friends in his own year group.

@modgepodgesuggestion of how to word it is perfect.

Will lots of his nursery group be going to the same primary school? Strongly encourage any friendships he makes with those children now as it’ll make the transfer to primary easier.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel most kids at DS's nursery go on to the local primary school. It's a small primary, with only one class per year group.

Also, there aren't other friends in his own age group to make at nursery. It's a 2-5 year olds room and when the preschoolers leave to start school, they usually get replaced with 2 year old new joiners.

It's just DS and a few other boys (who he already knows) who are 3 to almost 4 now.

Happens every year at every nursery to lots of children. They will be absolutely fine and fall in with other friends.
There will be new older children starting too as well as familiar faces from before.
Don’t make a huge thing of it, focus on the positives of there being new friends.
Generally children will make friends easily, might be a bit tricky getting used to the change at first but a positive mindset and no fuss from you will be really helpful.

Oh that seems tough- do most parents use the preschool attached to the school then? If so, if you could make one day a week work at the preschool attached to the school this year, that might make things easier. Perhaps look at childminders to do the wrap around/holiday care.

Having the same in reverse, my DD is August born and off to school in September but some of her pals born September-December will be staying behind.

She's a bit sad about it, one girl in particular, but like others have said there will be new children and they move on quickly at that age !! I wouldn't even worry about the new children being younger, when my daughter joined the pre school floor at just 3 and really bonded with another girl who was almost 4 and they play super well despite being almost a year apart.

He will be fine!