My 4year old boy lets his friends hit him - what should I do?

[daisysteiner85]

Need advice please! My little boy has a couple of friends who get quite pushy & can hit out when frustrated. Sometimes he'll complain but often just let's it go and doesn't even respond.
I really want him to understand that we don't let anyone hurt us, even/especially people we care about.
I want him to be able to say 'stop' or 'no hitting' or something like that. I try to encourage him to do so but I don't want to make him feel like he's not handling the situation...

You need to implement this in the home. If you go to tickle him and he says no, stop, acknowledge it and say sorry. You should also do the same, if he starts playing with you, stop him, tell him to ask and then react based on whether you say yes or no (I'd make sure you say both and go between them). Also teach him all the body parts with the proper names, and teach him that when you say no it means no and when you say yes it means yes. When he meets family members make it that everyone asks if he wants a hug, and then he can say yes or no (so he practices this) and don't force him to hug someone. Use the PANTS from NSPCC and also lots of children's book for his age on consent and touching (made for children), I could give recommendations if you wants.

Thanks for this. We do talk about bodily consent frequently cos he is a booby boy and I'm really trying to get him to stop groping me all the time!... One of our favourite games is 'kiss attack' or 'tickle "mummy prison"' where I kiss and tickle him and he says "no! no! stop!" gleefully - and actually doesn't want it to stop (if I do stop he wants me to carry on with the game) - so that's probably muddying things... we should change the way we play that. Will look up PANTS. Any book recs would be appreciated 🙏🏾 I want him to recognise that it's not ok for his best mates to smack him in the face!

Yes I mean maybe change the rules or be more explicit on it - so maybe say that that confuses you when he says no,no,no but wants you to keep on playing and that you know what he means but that's because your his mum and outside of the house, he needs to be more clear in explaining his no means no. You could also say he needs to be more clear in the house if you want. PANTS stands for P. Privates are Private A. Always remember your body belongs to you N. No means No T. Talk about secrets that upset you (so difference between good secrets to keep and ones to break) S. Speak up, someone can help. The NSPCC has good resources on this.
I'd recommend some of these books:
• Don't Touch My Hair! by Sharee Miller^
^• C Is for Consent by Eleanor Morrison^
^• Let's Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect by Jayneen Sanders^
^• Miles is the Boss of His Body by Samantha Kurtzman-Counter & Abbie Schiller
• I Said No! A Kid-to-Kid Guide to Keeping Private Parts Private by Zack and Kimberly King
• What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg
• A Kids Book About Body Safety by Kimberly King
• No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders
• We Listen to Our Bodies by Lydia Bowers
• Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder
• A Kids Book About Body Image by Rebecca Alexander
• Every Body: A First Conversation About Bodies by Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli, and Tequitia Andrews
Sex Is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg