Concerns for 11 month old

[Tiredmumtoboy]

My boy is 11 months old. He'll be 1 on the 23rd.

I think he's autistic but others just dismiss me. HV everyone. Just goes oh you can't tell until he's older or flat out say there's nothing wrong with him. But I have major concerns. My husband says I'm obsessed and rolls his eyes when I even mention autism.

He dosnt say mama or dada. I'm not even sure he babbles. He goes gum gum or bum sometimes but especially in the high chair it's just ahhhh or hmmmmm.

Sometimes he's holds stuff goes hnmmm or ahhhh and goes stiff. He stims. Holds stuff and flaps his hands. He'll also go stiff when I lay him down to change his bum.

He picks things up and throws it. He dosnt play with toys any other way. Just picks things up and throws it. Or he'll come to me and just scream. I've tired other toys. If it's a spinny toy he'll sit and spin it for a while before picking it up and throwing it.

He's not cuddly. But dosnt mind behind held. He'll also attack my face and manipulate it.

He does make eye contact and he will show me things and pass me things.

He dosnt point. He does reach out for stuff if we offer him differences. He does clap. He dosnt wave.

Ah it's so hard having these concerns... It's important that you know your worries are valid: your his mum, you see everything, and if you're feeling like something might be up everyone needs to respect that. Explain to those you speak to that it's disappointing that they're being unsupportive.
Having said this, if there isn't anything you can do until later on it is a matter of waiting and watching - ask your GP to document your concerns and see if there is any local support groups you can get info/guidance from maybe?
Kids are all different and have different personalities/emerging abilities. There might be nothing unusual, or there might be a language delay, or something else. Being autistic/neurodivergent doesn't mean he won't function well, be happy and fulfilled. Focus on having a nice time with him doing what he likes to do and giving opportunities to play his way and in new ways. I think when we're anxious and watching them all the time it can weird them out too.

I’m sorry OP, it’s hard when you have concerns and others either can’t see it or don’t want to see it. Unfortunately with this one there really isn’t anything to do right now either way, 11 months is still very little and some of these things could just be delays and things could look very different in 6 months. I’d let you HV & GP know of your concerns just so it’s documented and then all you can do is wait and see.

I hear what your saying, but the spectrum is to wide for me to sit comfortably and enjoy my time with him.

He could function well and learn or he could be non verbal and need constant care.

I don't really not think about it now. And I don't really play with my kids anymore because I'm sat worrying about it whilst being dismissed by everyone I speak to. My husband just shouts at me to stop talking about autism.

The health visitor just dismisses me. I literally cannot function because I see it in him all the time.

I might just start arranging for a school and maybe residential care now. I can always turn it down later.

I had similar concerns at that age, nothing you've said sounds very different from mine. He's six now, no evident ND at all. He was just a serious baby and talked later.

arranging school and residential care now is way over the top

I think you are overthinking. It’s way too early to think about residential care for example!
I would take your time and try to enjoy your child, what will be will be.

I really really cannot explain to you how I cannot enjoy time with my child not whilst I don't know.

All I see when I look at my child is signs of autism. I'm constantly googling and worrying. And it's worse when I get dismissed.

@Tiredmumtoboy i don’t have experience of autism so I can’t help on that front, but I completely resonate with what you’re saying that you can’t enjoy your child whilst there’s this big unknown.

I had the same with my LOs food allergies - dismissed by everyone, everyone said I was crazy, ‘it’s just viral hives’ but I knew it wasn’t.

Its soul destroying, and really impacts your mental health - people don’t understand what it’s like to be completely ignored, like you’re screaming in a crowded room and everyone just carries on.

I hope it gets better for you x

OP he is too young to even start thinking about a formal diagnosis, nevermind residential care. Could you seek some help for your anxiety around this in the short term? Having concerns is normal, but thinking about applying for schools & residential care for an 11 month old who may not even have autism is really extreme and if that is the kind of thing you’re saying to your husband I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to hear about it.

You need to go and see the doctor, not the useless health visitor. You need to tell them all your concerns and how you've been feeling.

This is very likely to be postpartum anxiety.

I don't want to dismiss you, but your child sounds ok. Maybe not the same as other children, but they are all so different. I know how it is to worry about every little thing though. It's hard.

My eldest didn't utter a single proper word until he was 2! He never babbled, was never interested in toys (household objects yes), not that affectionate. He's an absolutely wonderful, smart, capable child at 3.5.

I don’t want to dismiss you either, but your baby is very young and really, I’d say I’ve seen babies, especially boys, behave as you describe at his age, perhaps apart from the hand flapping. I don’t think his lack of recognisable words is unusual at all at 11 months. But you are worried whatever anyone says and that should be acknowledged
I also agree that you should speak to your doctor as your anxiety is clearly very high which must be horrible for you. You must look after yourself too.

I have an 11 month old who definitely isn't saying any words and is also not doing some of the things your DS is doing (he doesn't clap for example). The throwing is hilarious, he throws everything too. Never occurred to me be concerned. Also goes stiff sometimws when I try to change his nappy (sometimes he runs away) but that's because he doesn't want to me to change his nappy!

I think this is a form of post partum anxiety. He may be autistic but there really is nothing you can do about that.

It sounds like you are having a really hard time and being dismissed by those you need support from is challenging.

11 months is too young for an autism diagnosis. It’s too young to make big plans about schools and residential care because even if your son does have autism, you cannot know now what will best suit his needs. If you feel this will help you, the most you can do at this stage is research different provision in your area.

What you can do at 11 months is begin to document your concerns. Health Visitors are not always the best route for this. As a previous poster recommended, document through your GP. If there is something, they will be the ones making the referral to paediatrics.

It also sounds like you could use some support too. Speak to your health visitor about how you are feeling when they and your husband shut down your concerns and explain the extent of your feelings about this unknown.

Take care of yourself ❤️

Hi, how are you doing now? I'm in exactly the same position with my son, who will turn 1 in a couple of weeks. He sounds very similar to your son, and my husband is also very dismissive. I'm also seeing the perinatal mental health team but I feel they haven't taken my concerns seriously either.

My son failed the ASQ a couple of weeks ago but the HV kept saying he was normal. How can he be normal if he failed it to the extent he did (the only section he passed was problem solving)? And needing a follow up review clearly isn't normal as no other baby I know has had to have this. It's the inconsistency that makes me so frustrated.

He's progressed a little. He's still not fully pointing and he's not got any words at all at 12 months.

I took him to see a hearing specialist and he has glue ear in one ear and hearing in that ear isn't the best.

I'm seeing the health visitor on the 22. I basically wouldn't leave them alone. Phoning and expressing my concerns saying I need to see someone and I need support now because obviously he's not right. I should be having a nursery nurse contacting me but have yet to have that

My family were still very dismissive about it. Husband and I even up having a shouting match where he was saying hes seeing him do lots of things and I'm dismissing me. So we just don't talk about it anymore.

I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like our situations are very similar. I've got a HV follow up at 13 months but don't think anything will have changed by then. Certainly nothing has changed in tge 3 weeks since he's had the review. He's 12 months next week and has made no progress at all.

My husband also claims he's seen my son do things and insists he's further ahead than he is. He's fed up with me talking about it so I feel I've got no one to talk to either.

You could have him assessed by someone like this? https://abaclinic.net/aba-consultancy/ she’s excellent :)

Pointing is a 18 month old skill. If he wasn't pointing by say, 22 months then that might be a slight concern. Some children, especially boys may not talk until 2-2 and a half and it's still classed as normal. I agree you need to seek help for your anxiety OP.

I think you need to seek some help for yourself here. It's absolutely not normal to not be so caught up in worrying about autism, that you can't enjoy time with your son. And talking about residential care and special schools already is pretty bizarre.

Hoping this might provide some anecdotal relief OP but my DS was delayed in all milestones and didn’t babble as a baby, didn’t respond to his name, no waving or other gestures and I had to physically teach him to point (by putting his hand into a pointing shape) from 18 months as he still wasn’t getting it. No words at all until 2 months before turning 2, walked constantly on his tiptoes and loads of other things that pointed to autism. As for “mama/mummy” - he didn’t say that for ages and was probably 2.5 when he first said it.

He’s just turned 4 and is absolutely thriving now at preschool. He has a group of friends, very chatty and kind and (apart from a really mild speech delay) he has completely caught up with his peers.

I’m not ruling out anything in the future, he may well struggle in school as the demands on him increase but I feel confident about supporting him now if it comes to that. As it stands, preschool/HV/his speech therapists don’t believe he meets the criteria for an autism assessment at the moment.

Oh and final thing I wanted to say was about stimming. Not my DS but DD constantly wrist twirled and hand flapped at 1. Lots of people commented on it but she grew out of it and appears to now be a very typically developing nearly 3 year old. Try not to worry and enjoy your boy for who he is.

the difficulty is, there’s no magic diagnosis for autism. So no one can tell you definitively if he is or not at his current age. Because some of the stuff is quite age appropriate.

My DC didn’t walk until 18months, had no words and all of a sudden their vocabulary exploded!
nearly three now and has very complex language.

interestingly my older DC who hit all their milestones early, had words early etc I am now seeking advice due to concerns raised by school around neurodiversity!