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Parenting

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ExP only seeing children 4 hrs a week

4 replies

Bayou2000 · 04/08/2025 07:15

My exP moved 130 miles away when we split up and only sees our 3 children for 4 hrs a week. He picks them , drives for an hour to the nearest city, gets them a sandwich and walks round the park/museum with them, then drives an hour to bring them home. He does no actually parenting. He pays the CMA minimum and has untaxed income that isn’t taken into account for CMA that equates to half of his income.
We weren’t married, I don’t know his actual address, neither do the children and when they ask if the can visit/stay overnight he says his flat is too small, although he has his adult daughter to stay.
My lawyer says we can’t serve any court papers as we don’t have an address for him, but I ask myself what the point is anyway? He clearly doesn’t want to pay for his children and he doesn’t want to parent them.
I wonder if I should cut my losses, and forget pursuing him for more cash or his having more custody/getting a parenting plan in order?
my solicitor has emailed him but he doesn’t engage.
I am managing financially and practically (just) on my own. He frequently tells the children that he can’t see them more, or take them to activities as he would “be helping me out”.
The children are beginning to see him for what he is, a vindictive man who weaponises his children. Do I just let accept he isn’t going to parent his children nor provide anything other than the bare minimum financially and try and move on, or do I pursue a legal path as soon as we find out where he lives?

OP posts:
GasperyJacquesRoberts · 04/08/2025 07:53

Sadly even if you discover his address and take him to court you can't force him to see the DCs more often.

Temporaryname158 · 04/08/2025 07:56

Accept it and be glad you will be the decision maker in their lives re schools, holidays etc and just ignore his poor efforts and thrive without him contributing.

Superscientist · 04/08/2025 13:24

What is he adding to your children's lives?
Accept any money he's willing to give don't waste your energy perusing money he's just going to try and hide from you. Keep up the contact for as long as your kids are willing.
Some times letting a useless person walk away in better than the battle trying to make the useless person be less useless.

The best thing my sisters dad did for her was to walk away. She had a much better childhood than her half brothers who had him dipping in and out of their lives. She's seen him about 3 times in 40 years since she was 4. My mum just about coped after he left and then met my dad and for all intents and purposes he's been her dad

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Bayou2000 · 04/08/2025 18:05

Superscientist · 04/08/2025 13:24

What is he adding to your children's lives?
Accept any money he's willing to give don't waste your energy perusing money he's just going to try and hide from you. Keep up the contact for as long as your kids are willing.
Some times letting a useless person walk away in better than the battle trying to make the useless person be less useless.

The best thing my sisters dad did for her was to walk away. She had a much better childhood than her half brothers who had him dipping in and out of their lives. She's seen him about 3 times in 40 years since she was 4. My mum just about coped after he left and then met my dad and for all intents and purposes he's been her dad

Agree that he is pretty useless and adds little to the family in the present state that he is operating in.
I needed a sanity check as I feel I should be fighting for more balance however it was never balanced, either financially or practically when he lived with us so I am kidding myself to think it will happen now. I will focus on providing as best a life as I can for my children.
There is an element of cock blocking going on that irritates me. In tying up my every waking hour with looking after the children he thinks he is stopping my social life/meeting other people however I can live with that.

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