21 month age gap advice?

[ThatOchreQuoter]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with baby number 2. There will only be an age gap of 21 months between DC1 and DC2. It wasn’t planned, we were going to try maybe next year.
We are happy about it but I can’t shake the guilt I feel that my little girl won’t have me to herself anymore. She’s still a baby and I feel like she still needs me so much. She can be demanding and she’s a total mummy’s girl. We still breastfeed so I also don’t know how I’m going to navigate that.
Can anyone with a small age gap give me any advice please?

I have a 16 month age gap between mine, the first 0-6 months were quite an adjustment but it is honestly brilliant and they are best friends.

It's also great that their toys, interests, and developmental stages all have crossover.

Your eldest will adjust, you aren't taking anything away from her, she's just going to have more people to love and who love her.

Thank you, that’s really reassuring! She does love other children.

My newborn is only one month old and I’m really navigating this as well, I have a 19 month age gap and my little boy is used to every second of my attention so I’m learning how to exist with both as well! It’s really hard, sometimes I’ll catch my toddler just staring at me while I’m with his little sister and I’ll catch his eye and give him a big smile and say something nice but I definitely feel a pang of guilt.

I don’t know how helpful this will be but here are some things that I’m doing and finding helpful:

When my partner isn’t working and at the weekends, he has a lot of time with the newborn and I have really quality time with my little boy. We’ll just sit and play or go out somewhere for an hour, just the two of us.
I go for a daily walk to the park with them both every morning, while my baby is in the pram I have a play around and kick of the ball with him
When I’m feeding my newborn and my little boy is playing either on the floor or next to me and not watching me, I’ll be chatting to him but looking at her so they both think I’m engaging with each of them 😂
Before she was born I stocked up on loads of stuff from B&M for my son, books, craft stuff, toys etc and I give him something new every couple of days which he has fun exploring and distracts him
Often I have my newborn on my lap and my boy next to me and will read stories while he turns the page so again they’re both getting the benefit of being read to. We also do this with Disney films, he’ll squeeze up next to me while she’s on my lap and I’ll narrate the film as we’re watching it and sing along to the songs
During all his meals I’m also sitting next to him while I hold my little girl so I can just chat to him and tell him about what he’s eating!

Not sure how much use that’ll be but they’re just practical little things that are literally getting me through the days! It is hard but I know there’ll come a day when the age gap seems tiny and they’ll be playing with each other and keeping each other company, so sending solidarity to you through the initial stages!

Thank you so much for these tips and the solidarity. I’ll definitely keep a note of these for when baby arrives!

Congratulations on your news!

DB an i are 21mnth age-gap. I had a very happy, loving childhood but my parents found it taxing at every stage, partly due to the age-gap:

DB wasn’t developed enough to be gentle with me as a baby, and too young to understand what a baby sibling was- he just resented my presence. Multiple stories of him whacking me.

We played together as lot as toddlers/children. It’s an age-gap where they’ll play the same games and can see the same films, do the same holiday activities.
I remember idolising him and having fun, but my parents will tell you that for most of childhood I was furious at DB- hated him being bigger/stronger/doing big boy things, jealous when he got more attention. Teased, scratched, hit, bit him.

Just as we were growing out of all this, high school started- we’re 2 school years apart so 6 years straight of at least one of us doing GCSE/A levels. Extra hard for our parents as we were different types of student who needed different support from them. The year I was in Yr11 and he was in Yr13 was the toughest for everybody. Think DB and I ignored each other a lot then.

We’re in our 30s now and laugh about all of the above. Parents made it through with their sanity and marriage in-tact. DB and I are really close (I still idolise him!). Probably more to do with personalities/shared interests than the age-gap, but it helps to go through similar life stages together

Hope that gives you a realistic view and assurance that it works out OK. Some advice I've picked up from my parents is:

• support is really important, especially in the early years. Mum-and-baby groups were a lifeline in terms of arranging playdates/help.
• Don't tell DC1 they'll have to be a big girl now their sibling has arrived/ they'll have to set an example/ they can look after or protect their sibling. WAY to advanced and too much expectation for DC1 who is still only a baby themself!
• When you talk to DC1 about the baby, instead of "the baby", say "your sibling/bro/sis"- helps them feels connected to it.