Just turned 36 after having my first, when to ttc for 2nd?

[decisionschoices]

Ideally I would like to have a few years of an age gap (say 3 years) between #1 and a #2 but I think I might be too old for that (36 now). Any advice? It took 8 months to conceive first.

If it took 8 months to conceive first then I'd be wary of leaving it too long. Buuut it's also impossible to know. I'd consider the minimum age gap you'd be happy with and start from that point, just in case.

@ByDreamyMintNewt That's a good suggestion to go with the minimum age gap I'd be happy with. Thanks.

it depends how important having a second is? If it's very important then start trying as soon as you can, your chances of a successful pregnancy only decrease with time. If you'd rather have a single than struggle with two close together then you can wait until the gap is acceptable, but the risk is that you'll have fewer 'chances' left,

@villamariavintrapp Good perspective also. Thanks. It is very important to me to try for a 2nd child.

We started trying when DD was 15mths expecting it to take a while. I fell pregnant straight away and narrowly avoided having 2 under 2 (by a matter of weeks!)

We didn’t totally feel ready when we started trying but we knew we were keen to have a second and didn’t want to leave it too long because of our ages.

@NormaNormalPants 2 under 2 is what scares me! But it also scares me if there is no number 2. How do you find the age gap between your children now?

Try as soon as periods return, might take a while, age isn't on your side. I was lucky that my periods returned at 5 months post partum, and took 2 cycles, so I have a 16 month gap. (First at 36, second at 38) Some others I knew left tye gap another year, and I can't believe they're still in the baby stage, I couldn't do that now!

It wasn't all that hard at the start, baby slotted in. Only difficult as second had colic from 6 weeks to 4 months. After that was fine. Got a bit tricky when youngest started walking 16 months and 2.5yrs-ish, but was OK again after a few months.

Mine are now 2yr3 month and 3.5. Into the same things, play lovely a lot, tho obviously fight too

@SillyNavySnail That sounds like a good gap. Although I don't think I'd be ready to ttc until baby is at least 1.

I'd say TTC when yours is 1 sounds sensible! I was 31 when I gave birth to my first and I thought it would be easy again to have my second. It has not been easy as i've had a miscarriage and then a chemical pregnancy. I'm pregnant again now and will hopefully, all being well, i'll be 35 when this one is born and DS will be 4. Not saying this is what will happen to you, but I just mean.. you never know.

@decisionschoices I’m not going to lie, the first few days were really tough, but honestly it’s actually not been as bad as we feared. We did get super lucky with #2 though as he’s the chillest baby ever. I’m not sure we’d be coping quite so well if he’d have been as high maintenance as his sister was.

Maybe see how you feel after 1 year? I had my first at the same age too but they were a terrible sleeper and very active and I really couldn’t even think of having a second until they were about 3!

@Baby26 Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

@Dal8257 Yes I will see how i feel after 1 year.

I was 36 when DC1 was born, and had had difficulty in conceiving and staying pregnant. We knew we wanted another one. I was pregnant when DC1 turned 1, but I lost that one (early). I was pregnant again when he was 15 months old, and then DT were prem and there is less than two years between them. It's been nuts but I am SO GRATEFUL to have a family I consider complete. My take: I thought it was too high risk to wait; I didn't, and I am glad of that decision.

Fertility declines sharply after 35. I really wouldn’t hang around waiting. Not even a year. I’d get trying as soon as periods return.

@Macaroni46 What about the risks to the mother and baby if the pregnancies are too close together?

@decisionschoices I and a lot of people in my family had 2 under 2. I'm not saying there are no risks or it's easy but I am happy with the choice I made. The first year was a bit of a blur but it's been a happy time. The biggest downside for me right now is that the milestones seem to be passing very quickly, it doesn't seem long between DC1 starting something and DC2 growing out of it!

I guess one thing to weigh up is are the risks greater of having a smaller gap between pregnancies or of having a pregnancy when you are that bit older. I don't know the answer. But I wish you good luck and much happiness whatever you choose

I’m not talking a ten month age gap and realistically, that’s unlikely to happen. But I do think if OP wants a second, she needs to not hang around before try, especially as it took 8 months last time. My DP suffered secondary fertility due to him and his ExW waiting too long after the birth of their one and only DC.
Plenty of women have babies just over a year apart, myself included with no ill effects.

I have a 2 year 2 week age gap (was aiming for between 2 and 3 years) and it’s great.