Selfish for wanting another baby?

[Rach7291]

Please no hate, i know my situation isn’t for everyone!

I’m in an age gap relationship. He’s 50, i’m 34. We had our beautiful girl last year after 7 years of trying. We’d really like another one to complete our family. Obviously we didn’t plan for it to take this long to have our first baby. I can’t help feeling guilty about his age and its really playing on my mind. Is 50 too old for him to be a dad again? I’m worried about my kids hating us for him being too old 😔

Well you can't turn back the clock. You can either have another child, or not. If they complain about age in the future, the answer is "Would you prefer never to have existed at all?"

You can't predict the future. Hopefully you'll be in good health for a while.

You aren't too old for sure.
There is evidence that male sperm age has an effect on disabilities. But you are still much more likely to have no issues.
It's not selfish to want another child if you can look after it!

Would you manage as a single parent if something happened to him? Would you both cope if tje child was disabled? Disability risk is alot higher with a older parent.

@ComfortFoodCafei know the risks are higher but we have both agreed we will get NIPT testing if i was to fall pregnant again

My dad was 47 when he had me. Then had four children after me. Last one at age 63. He was too old to play with us in our teens or kick a football around. We got comments at school about how "old" our dad was. Plus, he was too tired and haggard (and probably thought it was beneath him tbh which is a different matter) to do basic parenting stuff like change nappies and potty train. Not saying this will necessarily happen to you, it's just my experience.

My parents had a 27 year age gap and I've always thought it was far too big, sorry. They were on completely different planets at different stages in their life.

Well for a start, he’s not ancient. However, kids can be ruthless. My middle boy had two friends with much older dads. The kids were teased about going out with Grandad. All we could see was that their dads were retired so able to be the taxi service.

@toodledo I’m sorry that happened to you. Fortunately my OH is an amazing dad, very hands on and is our DD’s favourite person. He’s always done night feeds, nappys, crawls around the floor etc. Honestly he seems about 40 rather than 50. If I didn’t know his age I wouldn’t think he was 50

You know your dh better than us, do you think he’s too old to be a dad again?

asking the opinion of people who don’t know him/his personality/his fitness levels were just going to go off his age alone

is 50 too old for a baby, in my opinion yes, it’s not what I’d want for me or dh, but it’s your (and dh) life

Given you already have a DC, I don't see why it matters unless it takes another 7 years!

If anything, given how old the dad is and that you're not a young mum either, giving them a sibling is a good thing to make sure they have some family as adults.

@ChillieChickyIf i’m honest, his age never comes into anything until we started talking about another baby

@IsitreallysohardWe said we would only try for a year and then stop

34 is hardly old! The average now for a second child is 31.5 years.

@MauraLabingi I didn't call her old, I said she's not a young mum. 34 IS on the older side of trying for a baby. Assuming she gets pregnant straight away she will be 60 when the child is 25. Her DH will be 75. And that's assuming they're both super healthy. I'm 35 and more than half my friendship group has lost a parent or have a serious illness to deal with in the last 2 years. It's been a string of cancer diagnoses and/ or funerals. And the parents who are around have aged a lot. There's a big difference from 60 to 70.

So realistically he will not have at least one parent around for much longer.

My DH lost his mum when he was 30 and it hit him hard. Having siblings has been a huge comfort, even if they are not besties or hang out daily, it's nice to have some family left.

Yes, but he is 50 - and in 10 years time he'll be 60 which can be a very different matter. You've got to put it in perspective.

This. The difference between 50 and 60-65 is huge. At 50, my parents were living their best life, honestly. Still very fit, traveling, loving life. They are still healthy and fit but they have aged SO MUCH (they are 60 and 62). They themselves comment on how little energy they have anymore, it's sort of caught them by surprise too. They're retiring this year as they can't cope with working full time on their business anymore. Have a look on the threads where pension age is discussed and you'll find a ton of women saying exactly the same.

I was 36 and DH was 53 when we had our DS. I don't see what the problem is 🤷