As an introduction I'm autistic and struggle with social interactions; I try really hard to read social situations and I normally manage okay - I'm never rude but often miss the point …
I've managed to have a child who is the opposite - very outgoing and social but I'm a great believer that you get the child you need not the child you want and her being the way she is has introduced me to some amazing mum friends and made me attend parties, school events etc. that I would never have done for want of making an effort for her. As an example though, I often google things to say and how to do small talk in the hope I come across okay and spend a good deal of time fretting after - I put effort into not embarrassing DD. DD on the other hand has been given awards for being inclusive and friendly to other children, she has been asked to buddy up with children who are struggling - which she loves.
A year ago we moved the village where DD6 goes to school (just before she started year 1), in the last few weeks she's started playing out the front of the houses with a group of children who all live a few doors away, they range in age from 5-11 and it’s a variety of children that come out each day no set group. This has been going well until today when the older sister of a boy in her class was playing out; after 5 minutes of being out I saw her on the front door step with a variety of her favorite toys hoping to be invited to play; she said that the older girl had told her to go back inside her house as they didn’t want to play with her.
I explained that other children didn't have to play with her but they couldn’t tell her to go inside (she likes to ride her bike on and off the drive and adjoining pavement) as she had every right to play in the street if she wants. She was upset but we did some other things instead; a few hours later she said she wanted to go outside again so I let her but as soon as she did heard the girl shout "I told you to go home - we don’t want to you here" again DD came in tears.
DH came home and had a chat with the girl and said "I understand that younger kids are annoying sometimes & you might be playing games that aren't for them but if it’s a problem please knock an let us know and don’t shout at her as she's only 6" this seemed to go okay and they promised to knock for DD once their "grown up" games had ended.
Obviously, this never happened and DD is upset. The older girl is only around infrequently due to a custody arrangement so I don’t think its an ongoing issue and children of all ages have mixed without any issue before. I suspect as long as this girl is not around they will all play together without issue - as they have before.
I appreciate this is an isolated event and DH has said this is "character building" for DD but I found it upsetting that DD was so upset given how sociable and inclusive she is, did I do the right thing explaining - I don't think she can understand excluding someone for no reason?
She has other friends from school, nursery, my friends children etc. and we'll spend time together over the school holidays so that’s not a worry but is this normal? Could I have explained the situation better?
Honesty I feel like I'm not equipped for helping DD in the social development that are to come so I'd appreciate any feedback, even if you just tell me to get a grip and let them all get on with it