Dad taking toddler for 2 weeks

[Daisysimply]

Hi looking for opinions on whether this makes me an awful parent.

My ex is from Poland. Me and him were due to go to Poland next week with our 2yo girl to visit his family who never get to see her. We have recently split up so have decided it is best for me not to go. He is leaving to go in the next few days but wants to take our 2yo with him still. I agree it would be good for her to go see the family but feel like it will make me an awful mother sending her away for 2 weeks without me. The longest we’ve been apart before is about 2 full days (1 night). I feel like she’ll miss me terribly and is so far away I can’t even comfort her. Has anyone got any positive experiences of being away from toddler for this amount of time or should I not even consider it?

If she's only ever done one night without you then I would say it's too long, yes! I wouldn't do that even with my 5 year old tbh. I would either go and stay elsewhere nearby, or say no to her going.

That's too long. I think you should go, if things are relatively amicable you muddle through and if not then you stay in a hotel at night and see her in the day. You can't stop her from going though.

This.

I’d just still go & stay elsewhere.

I’m really sorry but I just wouldn’t even consider this. Far too little to be away from you for too long

Completely agree, this is far, far too long to be away from you and could be very damaging to your relationship with her. Toddlers can feel a sense of abandonment in just a few days. I would go personally.

Yes I have had to go for up to 6 weeks when they were 1yr old on work trips and up to 6 months from age 2.

They stayed with their Dad.

I would Skype them every other day to read a story to them and chat. I also wrote them notes/drew pictures and left a few presents so their Dad gave them something from me every so often, which helped.

I wouldn’t think you are an awful mother at all. She will be with her Dad and his family. Yes she will miss you but you can do things to help and honestly in the long run it’s better for her to not have just you as her anchor person.

( My ancestors were sailors so as a family we used to have one parent gone for up to 3yrs at a time. So it is kind of accepted that we are strong in this way)

I think this is too long to be away from you. I understand that your exDP wants to take her and his family want to see her, but is that the best thing for your DD? No.
Could you come to a compromise? I think there's two options really.
Could you fly out with them, stay for three or four days (and have ex and your DD visit family) then you see her and care for her at night. Then you come home with DD and exDP continues his stay to see his family.
Or he goes for 3 nights without you? Even if he flies out with her and then you fly out after 3 days/nights to just collect her and come straight home.

Can go you visit after a week or pick her up?

Don’t get drawn into the double standards that it’s ok for a Dad to be away but not Mum.

You can FaceTime regularly etc. it’s ok if she misses you and cries so long as your ex is reassuring and there for her emotionally.