Dc5 reluctant to go to holiday clubs etc

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DC5 is quite stubborn, just finished year R. Over the year school holidays have been club/family/us parents/holidays, and we realised DC wasn't a massive fan of the busier clubs so tried to limit it to necessary care. So summer hols and over the 6 weeks we've got a mixture again and some individual day care options and made DC a visual calendar so they can see what is when . Everyday we talk about what is next day and they get upset, say they don't want to go. Same in morning and staff or even family have to make a big effort to welcome DC in. Then DC has a great day. But every day is a battle and as parents we just feel awful but we work FT and have taken as much time as we can. We remind DC everyday how much they said they liked X activity etc. Sorry for the lengthy post, but any ideas how to help DC and make us feel less shit!!! We've got ten more years of this after all!!! I think DC thinks staying at home watching TV and playing is ideal but obvs not an option , even if we WFH as not appropriate. Any ideas!!! Tx

A transition object may help, a teddy, toy car etc. I would make sure the staff understand his anxiety and what they can do to support him.

Thanks @User1839474 , yes we have a cuddly and a favourite book to take , buts the relentless "I hate it, I'm not going" when even when we gently talk about it and promote the nice stuff , they get crosser and crosser. I am torn between sad, upset and infuriated!

Are there any friends he can go with? Mine are 10 and 8 and of none of their friends are going it’s a battle.

would you also be better with a more consistent routine? Sounds like he might be at lots of different things? Look for clubs where you have minimum days you have to book in for, you’ll get more consistency of children than ones which are as hoc etc

Might he be more enthusiastic about something with a theme? E.g. dance/football camp, a sports week, or forest school?

Hi, sorry ,I'm not drip feeding, I'm realising all the info I need to consider it have already. There are not many themed clubs, or if they are, they are v expensive, i.e bushcraft, and even though DC loves it when they go, they STILL spend the night before and morning being vociferous about not wanting to go! Most clubs there are always some kids DC knows too, so that's covered. And several days of the same was tried in half terms and Easter and actually did not work at all, hence breaking up club with family and other options! DC said they don't even like Grandma! (Not true!!) It's like they are purely resisting anything for the sake of it. We have no option but to explain and stand our ground as we have to work!! I just don't know how to explain to DC any more or help them settle better. Thank you for responses.

I am wondering if it's not the places he doesn't like but just that he has to keep spending time away from you or his home.
He is only 5 after all.That's quite young for alot of holiday clubs.
Do you think you have a good amount of quality time together around the time you're working? Playing games or reading in the evenings, outings together at weekends etc?

Life isn’t all fun and games - acknowledge that he’s not too happy “yeah I know // I’d rather stay home with you myself “ and carry on - you have to do what you have to do and he need to learn that anyway so that’s all ok

edit ie don’t have to make it fun just something that has to be

It's tough, some kids just don't like going to them! I think they can feel like a long day.

All you can do is minimise it like you are doing. And focus on the positive that he tends to enjoy them once he's there.

It's just one of those things that most kids have to do, hopefully as he gets older it will improve

He doesn’t want to go because it’s stressful spending time with strangers in unfamiliar places having to socialise with people he may know and like or just know. My child was the same. Hated/s clubs etc, We spilt our leave - but overlapped a week for holiday. consider unpaid parental leave. They had time with family /GP some in their house and some in our house. We broke up clubs with quiet days at home. Kept routines the same whether clubs/family/GP/us. When he was old enough we had a conversation and I explained we needed to work to pay bills etc. so as he hated all clubs he would go to one cheapest and easiest for drop offs and pick ups. He was fine with it. Now on devices all holiday

A childminder instead? It’s a hone environment where DC can chill but they still pop out to the park, the post office, the shop, etc.

He’s 5, it’s really no surprise he wants to be at home with his mum and dad during school holidays.

Can family look after him at your home ? If that’s not possible perhaps a childminder would suit him better.

School holidays should definitely be about spending time playing and relaxing!

Neither of my DC like busy holiday clubs. We were lucky we had a childminder for before and after schools. DC1 went to the childminder during the holidays. The only time she went to a holiday club was when the childminder went on holidays, (DC2 didn’t go as Covid hit when she was in year R).

Have you looked into childminder in your area. They can do school runs and holidays. It is also a familiar face and home and other familiar children both term time and holidays.

Could you get a summer nanny?

I don't think a five year old who wants to stay home and play over the summer is unusual.

I'd do what I could to make sure he can have as much restful, unstructured time at home as possible.

Poor thing, he's still so little. Can you try a different place? The only reason I say is that my DC is younger, but really not enjoying their nursery (although fine once they got there and they didn't want to leave), I ended up trying a different place and he loves it there. So sometimes a place just isn't the right fit. Is he like this in general (reluctant to go places, or just with this specific place?). Could you try a babysitter instead?

It’s hard for a 5 year old to deal with all that chopping and changing, it doesn’t mean that they will be like that forever, they may settle into it in a couple of years. Myself and my DH used to take different weeks off to stretch out the time they were home, then I always take two additional weeks unpaid.

I think the child is quite reasonable tbh. Clubs at that age are a lot.
I don't know what the solution is, could family have them more perhaps? Could you cut the family holidays for now so you can cover more of the school holidays separately

Could you let him stay home one day just to see how boring it would be? DD refused to go to Grandma's one day so we kept her at home and carried on working. We told her we wouldn't be able to take her out or play with her. She was so bored by 5pm and we had no complaints the next day.

It sounds like your only choice is to commiserate with him as another poster has said. Tell him you understand he doesn’t want to go and that’s really hard and you wish it was different. Remind him about all the nice things you’re going to do in the evenings, at the weekend and when you have annual leave with him. Instead of trying to persuade him that he is going to enjoy it. I’d definitely yyy to carve out some time to do things together and let him choose. Even if it’s just watching a film of his choice with you sitting to watch it all with him. Baking a cake, riding your bikes together, whatever he chooses.

Thanks all, we do have a babysitter/nanny for some of the days who works at the school and has babysat for us before, DC and her get on great BUT DC is already saying no to that! Hence the stubborn for stubborns sake! We cannot do any unpaid leave and I have done a half day when I WFH with DC to let them chill already and it was only possible as no calls. We have maxed out family, and as I said DC is saying no to that before it's even happened! Yes we do have down time reading playing etc together eves and weekends, camping away etc and DC is an active child so lots of parks and scooter /bike adventures.

I have taken on board some suggestions and had a cuddle and chat with DC saying we understand they are saying they don't like it but that there are also Mum Dad days etc. I do hope as some posters have said that DC will settle and maybe it's an age thing too?! Thanks all, I am really hoping it's all going to get better!