Husband shouting at toddler

[MammyK13]

Need opinions about this because I’m not sure if I’m over reacting?
Yesterday my 14mo toddler was playing on the living room floor with husband in the room, I was in the kitchen within earshot. Toddler reached up and knocked a full glass off the table and husband shouted “for f sake!” causing toddler to burst into tears. I came in and said something along the lines of it was just an accident you don’t need to shout/swear at him. Husband annoyed said he needs to learn and I repeated you don’t need to shout at him. We argued about it and I ended up just doing bedtime routine and taking toddler to bed. Husband slept in the living room (often does as he just falls asleep watching a film).
Today he’s saying I’m criticising his parenting, he’s already raised 1 kid - 8yo who he split with the ex when she was 3. He’s also said he didn’t shout/swear AT toddler, it was just a reaction and that I’m over reacting.
Husband tends to have a short fuse and is quick to shout and say hurtful things in an argument. Nothing terrible but a lot of “shut up”, “f off” said with resentment. More recently has said that if I don’t like it then leave. At this point yeah… maybe that would be easier? I’m really conscious that I’m raising a son around someone who’s speaking this way to his mum.
Just need advice if others have been in the same situation?

Not appropriate. And even worse that he won't take that on board. I get being exasperated, but he should have owned it as not ideal.

We all get frustrated but for him to think a 14mo will ‘learn’ not to knock things off a table because he’s shouted at him shows he knows nothing. Hes an idiot.

Personally yes, I would leave him (don’t leave the home though, he must). He’s not just an idiot, he’s a bully.

Oh my goodness, your dear baby has only been in this world just over a year and his bully of a father is already expecting far too much from him. Poor little chap.

It remains to be seen, if you stay with him, what sort of a father he will develop into but be warned, his volatility is a red flag. What a horrible man he is.

I am sorry OP. It’s not normal to tell your partner to “shut up” or “fuck off” even in an argument. It’s very possible to be angry at each other without doing that.

Its really not normal to shout at a 14 month old especially to the point of making them cry and especially not swearing - you know soon your toddler will start repeating those words then will get “in trouble” at nursery, playgroups etc.

It’s normal to criticise each others parenting in the sense of discussing parenting techniques and making sure you’re on the same page. I think it would be reasonable to ask that it be done when you’re alone and child is sleeping to not do it in front of them but in this situation I think you were right to go in and comfort and protect your child.

Of course, shouting and swearing at someone who is basically still a baby is not in any way a parenting technique but even if you were criticising a timeout or confiscation of a feather duster, it’s still ok to disagree with how someone handled something and to talk it out. DH and I regularly have those conversations because we want to be coming at things from a united front and while we usually align, sometimes we don’t so it’s better to talk it out.

It is NOT ok to shut down all disagreement with “just leave if you don’t like it”.

I think life would be easier without him.

I think most parents can lose their temper and may even swear at/near young children but this should be one-off where the parent recognises they have made a mistake, apologises and decides to be a better calmer parent. It is not good parenting and isn't a way to disapline a small child! My 15month ds understands some behaviour like hitting its not allowed. The telling off is a serious voice and the phrase 'no don't do that, it's not kind, that's naughty ect.' Certainly not swearing and shouting at a toddler. Not sure you've picked a good dh sorry op :(

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, op. There's no place in our household for any profanity, especially in front of our kids. My DH and I have clear rules about what to say and not to say in front of our kids. We are also not allowed to fight or even argue in front of them. Your husband is a bully. Does he have any anger management issues? While walking away is an easy way to get out of an argument, this won't resolve the root cause of the problem. It's better to have a talk when your husband is in a good mood or is relaxed.

This is awful....at only 14 months if a child knocks over a glass, the only one at fault is the adult who left it within reach.

Absolutely, this ^