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Original poster

DS making me miserable

20 replies

Takis · 29/07/2025 16:49

In really fed up of my sons behaviour. He is constantly being horrible to his sister to the point I would call it bullying. He is so mean and argumentative and causing constant arguments. I was looking forward to the holidays but now I don't know how I'm going to cope with him arguing and fighting all summer and dreading another 5 weeks of this. I posted about it on another group but was told it was normal and all siblings fight but I don't think to this extent. It's just making me miserable it's all day long. He is 11. Anyone been in this situation?

OP posts:
ExploringDreams · 29/07/2025 16:53

Spend some time with him just you and him and ask him what’s going on and why he feels it’s ok to bully his sister.
What do you feel is going on with him? Does he need to get out more? Is he bored? Is he sad? Does he get enough attention and hugs?
Is his dad around?

londongirl12 · 29/07/2025 16:53

ExploringDreams · 29/07/2025 16:53

Spend some time with him just you and him and ask him what’s going on and why he feels it’s ok to bully his sister.
What do you feel is going on with him? Does he need to get out more? Is he bored? Is he sad? Does he get enough attention and hugs?
Is his dad around?

Agree with this.
but also what consequences does he get for his behaviour?

Jamaicanmoon · 29/07/2025 16:55

I don't know if I have much advice but just solidarity. My kids are similar ages and fight a lot. I went to a parenting class and was told that 'its a phase and they will grow out of it' Helpful!.

I have started to take just one out at a time more to give them more space apart - luckily I can leave one with their Dad whilst I take the other out and that one to one time with a parent is probably good for both of them.

I find getting them out in the morning helps to reduce fighting in the house (not guaranteed to work though).

I spend a lot of time explaining consequences of this behaviour for their relationship, also immediate consequences in terms of loss of pocket money or ipad access etc or loss of other treats.

Sympathy. It sucks. It pisses me off when my days out are ruined by their behaviour. Its my holiday too!

TeddyRocknRoll123 · 29/07/2025 16:56

Separate them. Organize playdates for the younger one. Put the older ine in summer camps/activities. Don't force them to get along, you won't get anywhere.

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 16:57

Sent to his room / devices taken he doesn't like going out we go out most days but that's usually me forcing him to come. Not bored or sad seems to just get enjoyment out of it

OP posts:
Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 16:57

TeddyRocknRoll123 · 29/07/2025 16:56

Separate them. Organize playdates for the younger one. Put the older ine in summer camps/activities. Don't force them to get along, you won't get anywhere.

He wouldn't go to summer camps and unfortunately I wouldn't have the money for them anyway

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Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/07/2025 16:58

Ramp up the praise when he’s decent.
Make sure he's not emulating you and your partner’s behaviour. Good luck

Jamaicanmoon · 29/07/2025 17:01

Takis · 29/07/2025 16:57

Sent to his room / devices taken he doesn't like going out we go out most days but that's usually me forcing him to come. Not bored or sad seems to just get enjoyment out of it

Its weird. My boys are both upset by not getting along yet still rile and insult each other a lot. Sometimes I wonder if its some sort of boy development thing, as other parents of boys (older boys) talk sympathetically of how their boys were like this at this age. Boys do tend to be competitive, its a testosterone thing, so it might be this coming out - the need for one-up- man ship.

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 17:02

They are big and girl

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Jamaicanmoon · 29/07/2025 17:03

Takis · 29/07/2025 17:02

They are big and girl

Yes, but the boy will still be following typical boy development and behaviour and so his competitiveness will come out on his sister in terms of upping himself by putting her down. My older brother was like this to me.

craigth162 · 29/07/2025 17:06

Takis · 29/07/2025 16:57

He wouldn't go to summer camps and unfortunately I wouldn't have the money for them anyway

Show quote history

If he doesn't want to go then tough. He can't be allowed to ruin holidays for everyone. Can he go to grandparents or somewhere sometimes?

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 17:07

No my family don't babysit

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Jamaicanmoon · 29/07/2025 17:10

If mine are behaving like this when we are out, I make one stay on the left of me and the other the right. They have to be silent for a certain period and after that they are allowed to speak but not to each other and not to make any reference at all to the other. Anyone who breaks this rule loses a treat, such as an ice-cream.

Jamaicanmoon · 29/07/2025 17:11

Is he mature enough to be left by himself whilst you go out with your daughter?

Maybe if he doesn't have to go out all the time and gets a break from his sister, he will behave better when he does have to go out with you both.

AllotmentHappy · 29/07/2025 17:12

Me and my brother used to fight like cat & dog, to the point my parents were pulling their hair out, we get on fine as adults! If that helps in anyway.

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 17:12

I wouldn't leave him home alone

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ExploringDreams · 29/07/2025 17:46

Does he respond to reason? It’s really important that he gets out daily and gets some exercise.
Kids who are active can often manage their moods better and as they already have an outlet for their hormones, moods, bad temper and whatever else is going on, that they are often nicer and more even tempered.
We’re not talking miracles but there will be a massive difference.
Get him engaged in a daily activity - bike ride, swimming, football, a run in the park, a dance in the living room, a walk in the woods (Get him to take a picture of something interesting during the walk)
Have a daily activity that you all agree to trying each day. Draw up a timetable of activities every week together. Kids respond well to structure.

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 17:49

We go out most days they fight outside really that doesn't change anything he starts fights on the bus etc he has grown out of parks and has no interest in going to them anymore

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Loubylie · 29/07/2025 17:51

Does he have a friend to do things with/ play out with? That would help massively. Siblings who don't get on should not be forced together in the holidays.

Original poster
Takis · 29/07/2025 17:54

Yeah but only occasionally we don't live on a street where kids play out so only if he meets up with them in the holidays but only once so far as people are busy we live on a main road so kids dont play out

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