Is this a safeguarding issue or just kids being kids?

[purpledaze24]

My 4 yo DD had a sore and red bum and vulva the other day. When I asked her if anything happened to make it like that she said while playing in the park with a group of kids at the weekend (I was there with other parents at a picnic table but not actively watching everything they were doing) after she went for a wee by a tree, her close friend, a 7-year-old boy “stuffed grass in her bum and vagina” as she put it. I asked her why he did that, she said “I wanted him to cos it was funny”. She doesn’t seem upset about it or anything, just seems to think it’s hilarious. I explained to her (as I have many times before) that those parts are private and no one else is allowed to touch them etc, and also that they’re very sensitive and she shouldn’t put anything in there (and of course especially not allow anyone else to put anything in there) as she could get infections. I made sure to be calm and not like I was blaming her or anything but I feel weird about it because he’s a boy and quite a bit older than her. He’s only 7, I don’t think he had any dodgy intentions or anything but I do think maybe I need to speak to his mum and ensure nothing like this happens again. Am I overreacting? Is this normal childhood behaviour? I don’t really know how to approach it..

I don’t think it’s a safeguarding issue per se. As in, a bunch of children stuffing grass down each other’s pants.

But I think it is an opportunity to have a discussion about what to do if something makes you uncomfortable and private parts of our bodies. Also realistically, I think a 4 year old, but maybe not so much a 6 or 7 year old, in a public park probably does need to be more closely supervised, if she was out of view long enough for another child to stuff grass down her pants. If that had been an adult with malicious intentions, it would be a very different situation, so maybe a bit of a wake up call to how easy it is for them to disappear when you aren’t watching them.

@mindutopia thank you for your reply. Yes it’s definitely made me realise I need to supervise her more closely. One thing I forgot to add though is I asked her to show me what happened and it wasn’t just stuffing grass down her pants (which I wouldn’t be that bothered by) it was her lying down, legs in the air with no pants on and him literally stuffing grass in there! This is what’s made me feel really uncomfortable. She spends a lot of time with this boy and I don’t want her to look back on incidents like this when she’s older and understands more and feel shame/embarrassment etc. I’m just very unsure how to approach it with the mum

I think both children need it explaining that this is very inappropriate, not just putting things in intimate areas but also introducing potential allergens to intimate areas. Certain species of grass make me super itchy and I definitely wouldn't want any of that down there! Clear boundaries around having intimate areas exposed and certainly not introducing any foreign objects.... To any orifice really!

Children play games but they need advice and guidance to ensure that childhood exploration doesn't over cross boundaries and this if repeated would. I was in a similar situation with a friend's older brother. For him I do believe it was childhood exploration but for me it wasn't. I was in scenarios I wasn't comfortable in and didn't know how to get out of them. It has taken time and introspection to untangle that time.

If you know his mum, speak to her asap. I’m DDSL at my school, and as a 7 year old boy, he ‘should’ (but may not if there are SEND issues) understand that this is inappropriate behaviour. We would speak to parents and the child if something like this happened at school.

Your daughter is only 4 though, so at present won’t understand the PANTS rule, but do keep going over it with her (in an age appropriate way).