3.5 years age gap - what activities

[Potatohead2]

Hello. I have a 4yo DS and 8mo DD and am thinking ahead of what to do with them when my DD is a bit older. Could someone with similar age gap children let me know what are the things that they would enjoy doing/playing together and how long would that be? I really need a list of things to do, places to go to as they grow up.

I really want to be able to do things together as a family of 4 but I’m worried that DS may grow out of it and miss out on all the things we could have done with him when he is younger. For example, I would love to take him to see Lion King but I don’t know if I should do it as soon as he’s old enough (which also means only me or dad can go with him), or wait until my DD is old enough and all of us could go together (which means another 5 years???).

And another question, how long can they share a room?

Thank you!

I have the same age gap but they are 2 years older. They started playing together more when my youngest could walk. They will play together around the house but my youngest still doesn’t fully play games/ sometimes ends up ruining the game so they do argue.

Things they both like: the zoo, soft play, the park, the fair (youngest can go on small rides with eldest), children’s museums, trampoline park, splash park, the farm. It can be hard to find things that they will both enjoy but I think it’ll be easier once youngest is a bit older.

Id take him to see the Lion King then go again once your youngest is older.

Mine are 3 and 7. They like museums, galleries, big adventure playgrounds, theme parks, funfairs, zoo, family raves, immersive experiences, musicals, theatre, concerts, boat trips, trampoline parks, giant soft plays, forests, touristy things, aquariums, bowling, farm parks, Christmas experiences, animal petting, seaside trips, splash parks, swimming. We spend almost all weekends together as a family of 4, but it's useful to have one parent on hand for each, eg we went to a theme park at the weekend and DH went on the roller coasters with DD1 and I took DD2 on the kiddy rides. But there were quite a few we could all enjoy together (most dark rides have a low age limit and we were doing them with DD2 since she was in a sling). DD2 has caught up with DD1 quickly and is good at climbing eg in playgrounds and soft play.

We've done some theatre shows and pantos with DD2 since she was newborn, but those shows always specified that they allow babes in arms. So she's used to going to the theatre and we know she can sit through 2 hour shows. West End musicals usually have a recommended age (6 for Lion King) and a minimum age (3 for Lion King, but some shows specify 4 or 5). We've taken DD2 with us from age 3 for those kinds of shows so DD1 could go from age 6, which has worked out well (although some would see it as a waste of money for DD's ticket, because she's sometimes nodded off halfway through, and won't remember it, but we get discounts so that's not an issue). We will probably go again when DD2 is older and more able to appreciate it.

DDs share a room and are happy to share for now (we have another bedroom for DD2 when she wants her own room). But for opposite sex dcs I'd want them to have their own room once the DS is 10, and he'll probably want privacy by then.

I have a 5 year age gap between mine. At those ages, baby basically just gets dragged along to everything that older one wants to do. With extra stops for feeds and nappy changes.

At a point, it shifts, probably when younger one is closer to 2/3 when older one gets dragged around with younger.

You need to also plan in one-to-one time. No way I’d be taking little one to the Lion King (that would be a stretch for my 7 year old). But you can all go to London as a family and then separate off to do different things when the ages are right. Definitely don’t get too wrapped up in this family days out thing. Honestly, they aren’t massively enjoyable with 2 young children. 😂

Family time is great, but one-to-one time is really important. I take my two on separate holidays. Not that we never have a family holiday, but their needs and interests are different enough that everyone is much happier that way and we actually get quality time together. Those holidays are years later some of their best memories and they still talk about them. Much more so than days out together or family holidays.

But generally as far as days out now, you cater to the one in the 2-5 year old age range because those years need a bit more attention. And you make special plans to do things without a sibling as needed.

As for room sharing, it’s whenever it’s convenient up until your eldest is 10 or so, I’d say.

Mine have never shared a room because they would have kept each other up and in the later years, they would have fought a lot. 😬

Your eldest will want privacy in the preteen years, but before that, if it’s working and you are getting plenty of sleep that way, it’s fine. Definitely wouldn’t have worked sleep wise for us though.

I have this exact age gap. They're 8 and 4 (nearly 5) now. The park was and still is the easiest win for them both. Preferably a park with space for DC1 to play football or basketball, and play equipment for DC2.

When DC2 was a baby I obviously just took her to whatever DC1 was doing. It's when the youngest starts walking that it becomes a bit trickier I think.

For a while, soft play was doable although better if DC1 had a friend - then he'd been happy going around with his friend while I stayed with DC2. As she got older she wanted to go with him on the big climbing frame and there was a tricky stage when she needed me to go with her to help, i was relieved when she got big enough to go without me!

As they get a bit older, indoor play with inflatables or trampolines can work well, as they both enjoy it and it's slightly easier than soft play to look after the younger one while also keeping an eye on the oldest.

Swimming in a shallow pool where the oldest can touch the bottom.

Days out are easy enough, DC1 is getting a bit old for the farm park type places aimed at 0-6 year olds, but there's plenty they both enjoy, zoos, theme parks etc.

We took them to LEGOLAND when DC1 was 4 and DC2 was about 7 months old, obviously DC2 couldn't do anything so it was boring for the parent stuck looking after her, but the day was for DC1 and he really enjoyed it so I'm still glad we went. We went back recently - 8 and 4 were the perfect ages as they both loved it, DC2 couldn't do ALL the rides but was able to do most of them.

Like a PP I do relish 1-2-1 time with each of them, it's just easier and nicer to enjoy their company individually... I recently took DC1 to see a PG film which we both enjoyed but wouldn't have been suitable for DC2.

I think it's a nice age gap tbh although mine are 4 school years apart (because of where their birthdays fall) and I would have preferred 3, but never mind!

I have a 2 year age gap twice, so there is a 4 year gap in total between DC1 and DC3. I often ended up doing things that DC1 was slightly too old for and DC3 was slightly too young for - but only slightly, so I think it worked out ok overall. It's worth seeking out really good playgrounds / soft play / jump parks that have a section for older kids or a free play area where the eldest can play football.

For a "big" thing like the Lion King or when we went to the Harry Potter studio tour, I would wait until you can all go as I think it's much more fun to have a family trip. You can do theatre trips like Julia Donaldson at the local theatre at younger ages - I remember DC3 crawling around on the floor on one occasion, but the tickets were cheap so it didn't matter too much.

All three of mine shared a room until the eldest was around 10/11, that was their choice as we did have a spare room.

Thank you sooo much everyone for your comments and ideas. They are so helpful for me because since DD was born last year, I haven’t been able to take DS anywhere as baby is breastfed so I’m stuck with her all the time. I’ve booked some Julia Donaldson shows to go with him in the next few weeks and will look into the other things recommended.

And thanks again for the room sharing advice. We don’t have a spare room so it’s good to know that we still have a few years to prepare for an extension or a home moving 😥